One for the ladies

Planeahead

I’m in a long term relationship and feel we are long overdue getting engaged.

We’ve always wanted to travel to Iceland to see Northern lights where I had planned on proposing. Over the past year I’ve been saving to buy an engagement ring and now have enough for either the trip to Iceland or the engagement ring. 

Due to kids ages having just started school and lack of childcare options, even the sole grandparents that we have for childcare are now getting on in age mixed in with the limited times that can travel to see northern lights then opportunities in the future will be limited. 

My questions would be 

1. How much would you see as being acceptable to spend on engagement ring? 

2. Would you prefer to go a dream trip and your partner give you a ring that is on credit and not paid off or to have a proposal in the UK with ring paid in full before the proposal?

HedgehogRulez

1. Current legislation is 3 months salary. I think this increases to 6 months in a couple of years time, so you’re lucky there.

2. most women I talk to prefer a Wetherspoons cheesy chips main rather than your options.

good luck

Myci85

It probably depends on your girlfriend's values tbh. Me personally I think I'd prefer a ring that didn't cost the earth and a memorable engagement. But for some women, having an expensive engagement ring is important. 

I'm not sure if getting a ring on credit is worth it, but I guess you could get a 'for now' ring that allows you to pay for Iceland, and then if your girlfriend wants something more expensive you can save up later to buy a different one?

Uriziel

Dude.. it is absurd to buy an engagement ring on credit if you are implying that you cannot afford it. Women want men that have good financial sense because they are putting their future in your hands. You also have kids. If you cannot get an expensive ring don't buy an expensive ring. If she already has kids with you I don't think she cares too much. Same for the holiday. Do whatever you can afford. That's also what most women will tell you.

Savvy_Sue

HedgehogRulez said:

1. Current legislation is 3 months salary. I think this increases to 6 months in a couple of years time, so you’re lucky there.

2. most women I talk to prefer a Wetherspoons cheesy chips main rather than your options.

good luck

Legislation? What legislation?

DH had no money when we got engaged. I didn't think I'd be getting a ring when he proposed, and was surprised when he suggested going to buy one. He had to explain how he could afford it before I'd agree. 

Fortunately I loved one of the cheapest rings we saw. And his mother gave me her mother's wedding ring which went with it perfectly.

And in any discussions I've had about who paid least for their wedding, I've always 'won'.

So I wouldn't thank you for a fancy holiday unless we could afford it.

Spendless

I would go for the trip and an inexpensive ring.

As youve said the time you have left to go in just you two is limited. Miss it and you either have to take the kids with you or wait till theyre adults if youve no other childcare options.

You can always upgrade the ring at a later date, if you both wish. The one I wear isnt my original. We couldn't afford much at the time, so agreed that another would eventually replace it. 

jackieblack

Bear in mind that seeing the Northern Lights is weather dependent and not guaranteed - I have a friend who’s obsessed with trying to see them, been 5 times and it’s never yet happened - so blowing all your savings on a chance to see them could be an expensive disappointment 

Emmia

Planeahead said:

I’m in a long term relationship and feel we are long overdue getting engaged.

We’ve always wanted to travel to Iceland to see Northern lights where I had planned on proposing. Over the past year I’ve been saving to buy an engagement ring and now have enough for either the trip to Iceland or the engagement ring. 

Due to kids ages having just started school and lack of childcare options, even the sole grandparents that we have for childcare are now getting on in age mixed in with the limited times that can travel to see northern lights then opportunities in the future will be limited. 

My questions would be 

1. How much would you see as being acceptable to spend on engagement ring? 

2. Would you prefer to go a dream trip and your partner give you a ring that is on credit and not paid off or to have a proposal in the UK with ring paid in full before the proposal?

Don't buy a ring on credit,  personally I'd forgo the holiday and buy a cheap placeholder (or perhaps take one from her jewelry box) and then choose the real one together. 

You know that Iceland is absolutely freezing when the Northern Lights are likely to be at their best? And it isn't a cheap destination for food and drink etc.  

Personally I think you'd be best proposing in your kitchen whilst making breakfast at the weekend... Or why not involve your kids in someway?

kimwp

If you have kids together, you are bound together anyway, but if someone doesn't know which of those options their partner would prefer, I'd suggest to them that they don't know each other well enough to be getting married.

Pollycat

Planeahead said:

My questions would be 

1. How much would you see as being acceptable to spend on engagement ring? 

2. Would you prefer to go a dream trip and your partner give you a ring that is on credit and not paid off or to have a proposal in the UK with ring paid in full before the proposal?

1. How long is a piece of string?
Totally dependent on how much money you have available/want to spend.

2. I wouldn't want my partner to give me a ring that I've not been involved in choosing.

Discuss with your partner and agree what both of you want.

itsthelittlethings

£500.

Trip on credit cards.

I don't believe in marriage though so would rather have a Royal Tenebaums style proposal. "There are certain tax advantages to being married." "This isn't just about tax, is it?".

Edit - £200.

Second edit - you can sometimes see the Northern Lights in Scotland.