Need help getting out of debt cycle!!!

Uriziel

Karonher said:

Why would you take money knowing you are not going to pay it back?  There could be consequences worse than dealing with the existing companies.

Legal Consequences

• Fraudulent Misrepresentation: 

  If you knowingly borrow money without the ability to repay, and this can be proven, it may be considered fraudulent activity. 
• Legal Action: 

  Lenders can take court action, which could lead to a CCJ being issued against you. 

This is a very stupid post. Finance is being offered left and right these days, even on food delivery pages like deliveroo you can take out a loan. If someone "poor" takes out loans and they are clueless when it comes to managing money it certainly is not their fault. Banks could very easily just block people who clearly "have no money" but they thrive off the interest.

kimwp

Uriziel said:

Karonher said:

Why would you take money knowing you are not going to pay it back?  There could be consequences worse than dealing with the existing companies.

Legal Consequences

• Fraudulent Misrepresentation: 

  If you knowingly borrow money without the ability to repay, and this can be proven, it may be considered fraudulent activity. 
• Legal Action: 

  Lenders can take court action, which could lead to a CCJ being issued against you. 

This is a very stupid post. Finance is being offered left and right these days, even on food delivery pages like deliveroo you can take out a loan. If someone "poor" takes out loans and they are clueless when it comes to managing money it certainly is not their fault. Banks could very easily just block people who clearly "have no money" but they thrive off the interest.

There's actually plenty of studies that show that poorer people make poorer decisions- it's to do with a scarcity mindset, basically being in a panic and not having brain space to think about things properly.

kimwp

@IWantaFreshStart2025 just checking you are ok? No need to reply if you don't want to, just that it's gone from very active to silent. It looks like a dro is not possible, but a dmp will be.

Exodi

This was a disappointing thread to read as it seemed to get progressively worse... and it's unfortunate because it started so positively.

As someone said earlier, I fear the OP has not had their light bulb moment yet.

Your budget doesn't show that you have "cut back greatly", E.g:

£450 on groceries per month is similar to what we spend for the 3 of us, and we eat very well (fresh lean meats, fish, etc). Does this include takeaways perhaps? I was very disheartened by your comments about needing "a few takeaways a month etc to live a decent quality of life", you don't need takeaways to have fun or to have a life. As an alternative for example, my wife and I will go for long walks along the coast or in a nature trail with our daughter and set up a picnic when we find a nice spot. A better experience, that's better for your health and significantly cheaper. You must appreciate that these are all choices you make. I am also an office worker but don't let that define my weight - I make it a priority to get to the gym 3 times per week (and likewise so does my wife), even despite having a child. But you can't outrun a bad diet, and losing weight is impossible with addressing your diet, with the biggest culprit nearly always being takeaway, sugary soda or portion sizes (but generally a combination of the 3).

Your mobile is high at £30 p/m - any chance to go on a SIM only deal? My wife pays £8 p/m.

£50 a month in clothing is also high, really I think this needs to be almost dropped entirely unless absolutely essential.

£40 a month on haircuts is also very high. Are you getting your hair cut every week or two? You can buy a set of clippers for £14 from Argos and do it yourself (or ask your partner nicely like I do). Otherwise, consider dropping this to once a month.

£100 a month for holiday, respectfully you shouldn't be planning for any holidays until you're out of this hole.

I haven't even mentioned Netflix.

So there's potentially several hundreds of pounds of saving to be made, yet your response seems to be that it's not worth cutting any of them because in isolation they're not every much (but in combination they are) or that by not having takeaways or Netflix your life will suck. In reality, some of the best things in life are free, as they say.

I think the whole situation with your partner is outrageous. I don't want to offend so I'll leave it there. You won't balance the books if you're intent on subsidising her life through pride or some old-fashioned perception or promise that you should be the breadwinner.

kimwp

Exodi said:

This was a disappointing thread to read as it seemed to get progressively worse... and it's unfortunate because it started so positively.

As someone said earlier, I fear the OP has not had their light bulb moment yet.

Your budget doesn't show that you have "cut back greatly", E.g:

£450 on groceries per month is similar to what we spend for the 3 of us, and we eat very well (fresh lean meats, fish, etc). Does this include takeaways perhaps? I was very disheartened by your comments about needing "a few takeaways a month etc to live a decent quality of life", you don't need takeaways to have fun or to have a life. As an alternative for example, my wife and I will go for long walks along the coast or in a nature trail with our daughter and set up a picnic when we find a nice spot. A better experience, that's better for your health and significantly cheaper. You must appreciate that these are all choices you make. I am also an office worker but don't let that define my weight - I make it a priority to get to the gym 3 times per week (and likewise so does my wife), even despite having a child. But you can't outrun a bad diet, and losing weight is impossible with addressing your diet, with the biggest culprit nearly always being takeaway, sugary soda or portion sizes (but generally a combination of the 3).

Your mobile is high at £30 p/m - any chance to go on a SIM only deal? My wife pays £8 p/m.

£50 a month in clothing is also high, really I think this needs to be almost dropped entirely unless absolutely essential.

£40 a month on haircuts is also very high. Are you getting your hair cut every week or two? You can buy a set of clippers for £14 from Argos and do it yourself (or ask your partner nicely like I do). Otherwise, consider dropping this to once a month.

£100 a month for holiday, respectfully you shouldn't be planning for any holidays until you're out of this hole.

I haven't even mentioned Netflix.

So there's potentially several hundreds of pounds of saving to be made, yet your response seems to be that it's not worth cutting any of them because in isolation they're not every much (but in combination they are) or that by not having takeaways or Netflix your life will suck. In reality, some of the best things in life are free, as they say.

I think the whole situation with your partner is outrageous. I don't want to offend so I'll leave it there. You won't balance the books if you're intent on subsidising her life through pride or some old-fashioned perception or promise that you should be the breadwinner.

When one is coming home from a long working day and is hungry, tired and needs a pick me up, a long walk by the coast is not usually an option...

Also, it's not really our right to be "disappointed" in others posts or journeys and it's definitely a discouraging statement to make. 

RAS

Appear to have lost a post, so will try again...

Some of @Exodi's suggestions are appropriate but the OP's partner has physical conditions sufficient to get PIP, apparently some elements as higher level.

So walks together in the park or picnics are not really options. And trips to the coast cost money, again with limited benefit to the partner.

The OP might want to batch cook and freeze some recipes so that when they return home exhausted they can have a takeaway? From the freezer. 

The OP might also want to think about the additional benefits from the gym? Is it partly about the company as well as the exercise? Is it about having legitimate time on their own?

No need to answer here, just things about which to ponder. And maybe think if there are other ways to achieve that need? Twice or thrice at no additional cost might be helpful in the long run?

FluffyBabyPenguin

When you've a fair bit of debt to pay off, it usually requires a fair bit of lifestyle change along with it. Some of the things that are listed in your SOA are luxuries that most people on a debt plan, can't afford.

That said, it can be difficult for people to live super-frugally for the whole amount of time it takes to pay the debt off. Yes your budget will need to be cut way back, but if you allocate a small amount for an occasional "treat", it's easier to cut back in other areas.

E.g. you mention wanting a few takeaways, so I'll assume you currently have more than a few per month amd maybe that's why your food budget is so high. Consider budgeting for one takeaway per month,  while meal planning for cheap meals the rest of the month. Pop over to the old-style boards and we'll help you out with that if you need it 🙂 but I'd say there shouldn't be "treats all round" as in Netflix etc, holiday savings, clothes etc may have to be forgone to justify the takeaway or whatever treat you choose. The old-style boards are great for encouragement about living frugally while still enjoying ourselves and working towards debt freedom or other financial goals!

With regards to your partner, I don't think it's fair that's she's apparently not paying 50% of basic living expenses. You're effectively subsidising her alternative therapies or whatever she's spending most of her money on. Which would be fine if you didn't have debt to pay (which is costing you more in interest than what those therapies actually cost) but since you do I think it's reasonable to have a conversation with her about finances, especially if they're not joint. I get that you like to be the provider, that's great, but you're already not in an ideal position to do that for her. But certainly something to work towards once your debt is paid, and the more you cut back now,  the sooner you can do that. 

IWantaFreshStart2025

kimwp said:

@IWantaFreshStart2025 just checking you are ok? No need to reply if you don't want to, just that it's gone from very active to silent. It looks like a dro is not possible, but a dmp will be.

Thanks for asking. Just busy with some life events.

Yes I have decided to default on all debts and saving an emergency fund. 

IWantaFreshStart2025

Thanks to all those who have contributed to my thread and shared their knowledge. I feel much better now I am tackling the problem head on.
I have spoken to my partner who is willing to contribute more to living expenses so I can save more for a full and final payment down the line.

So I have stopped paying all unsecured debt. I have set up new basic bank account with no overdraft where my salary will be paid and all essential bills will be paid from. I have also taken out pay as you go mobile number so I don't get those annoying calls.

I'll update the thread once I start receving letters through the post. 

I was reading my Tesco Bank personal loan agreement and it says if I keep missing payments they can take payments from my wages. Can they really do that or speak to my employer? Anyone know?

RAS

Technically, yes.

Only after you default
And your fail to pay something towards the defaulted debt,
And they send a letter before action to which you do not respond
And they successfully obtain a CCJ, which requires you to pay an affordable payment (which is why they will not bother if they think your existing payment is affordable).
And you routinely don't pay the affordable payment set in your CCJ (you can challenge the sum).
And .....

Basically possible but highly unlikely.  

Consumer creditor letters rely on mentioning an outcome that affects a tiny percent of 1% of debts, because

the debtor is already paying what they can afford
the cost of claiming more exceeds any benefit to the creditor