Need help getting out of debt cycle!!!

RAS

Has your partner been paying you the £500 per month since they were made redundant? 

If so, please re-do the SOA including their contribution.

IWantaFreshStart2025

fatbelly said:

Yes the hp appears to be the main complication for Dro

Your proposed strategy in your first post (until you got to the consolidation bit) seems sound for now

Hi, i have spoken to my parents and they are willing to cover the £94 montly HP car finance payment so I can keep seeing them. I've read that if a family member is willing to take on the HP then I can keep the car and it won't effect my DRO application?

IWantaFreshStart2025

kimwp said:

IWantaFreshStart2025 said:

Bizzywizard said:

Hi,
As someone whose husband had cicra £19k of debt and I didn't know at the time...does your partner?
I only found out when he wasn't sleeping and he was crying.....I sat down with all the figures and we worked through it...it took about 3 years and we are now debt free....so it can be done!

A few things I noticed.

Is you council tax paid over 10 months or 12? I only pay over 12 months now, so my income and expenditure always remain the same. Just call the Council Tax office and change it! Those few extra pounds really help!

I still don't have a TV Tax (Licence), as I don't need it and watch everything on NONE LIVE TV. So contact them, you can cancel it! Its all pants on the TV anyway!

You need to get rid of Netfix, disney, spotify etc....only have them when you are debit free....otherwise they should not exist.

You need to sit down and talk through your debit with your partner, she needs to be paying half of everything...or you may need to find somwhere cheaper to live?

Could you move in with a relative and pay lower rent to them? While you get out of the spiral...not sure others would agree about this suggestion.

Have you sold anything on-line or on market place to make some extra money?

My young son (16 and first job) has just got an Evening job for Christmas Staff till February 2026, 20 hours a week at Dunelm...could your partner do something like that just to keep some money coming in? Look on Indeed the xmas jobs are starting to come up now.

Haircuts...need knocking on the head...grow it out for a while, or invest in a £20 headshaver and have a buzz cut. Assuming you are a man, if not just grow it out and tie it up.

Don't default on your payments!

If you have a Nationwide account, have you been offered the interest free overdraft? I was given £2k OD (this changes from one person to the next)....BUT YOU HAVE TO CLEAR THIS WITHIN THE YEAR, OR THE INTEREST IS BONKERS). 

Maybe ask your partner to pay off the smallest loan, as a way of helping you out.

Hope this helps in a small way

Hi, Thank you so much for your input and I'm glad you are now on top of it. 

Yes my Partner knows about the debt but we keep our finances strictly seperate and she's not in a poaition to bail me out as she isn't working and has health problems herself. It's paid over 10 months at £183 so over 12 months works out £151 so that's what I put there. 

I can get rid of Netflix and get haircuts at home but I don't think it will make much of a difference as my monthly debt repayments are over £800 a month. 

We live in London and have friends and family here so we live in a 1 bed and £1300 is pretty average for London. We can move slightly out but we have elderly parents in London so can't be too far away from them. Moving in with friends and family isn't an option as we like our privacy. 

I already have £2k overdraft with my main bank Santander so don't need more credit. 
 
The advice here is to default as it stays on credit file for 6 years as opposed to arrangement to pay which stays on the file for a further 5 years once debt is paid off. Defaulting is probably my best option and then speaking to a debt advisor.

You need to cut back even ignoring the debts because according to your SOA, you are earning less than your non debt-spends. You should be aiming to spend at least £100 less than your income, to save for emergencies. So cutting back on netflix and iPlayer/live TV, reducing spend on haircuts, clothing, entertainment until you are saving (at least) £100 a month. (Not including money being put aside for your annual expenses).

It looks like you have £50 allocated to emergency fund. If you say no holidays, then you have a further £50 to find towards the £100 emergency fund goal. (Providing your SOA is accurate)

Your first post sounded very sensible with your plan, but I think you still have to have the realisation that you have to cut back and make some compromises.

Hi, I can understand that I can make some cutbacks like Netflix, haircuts but surely I should have some allowance for clothes, medication, gym ( I'm obese), a few takeaways a month etc to live a decent quality of life?

I'm confused about what would  be classed as a reasonable expense and what's considered a luxury when applying for a DRO?

IWantaFreshStart2025

RAS said:

Has your partner been paying you the £500 per month since they were made redundant? 

If so, please re-do the SOA including their contribution.

Since the start of our relationship she's only paid for council tax and I cover everything else. I like to be the main breadwinner but she's helped out more over the years as our rent has gone up and prices in general but we've agreed she'll not have to contribute more than that and our finances are seperate so she shouldn't have to pay for my financial missmanagement. She has her own debts of over 10k and I don't help her out. 

kimwp

IWantaFreshStart2025 said:

kimwp said:

IWantaFreshStart2025 said:

Bizzywizard said:

Hi,
As someone whose husband had cicra £19k of debt and I didn't know at the time...does your partner?
I only found out when he wasn't sleeping and he was crying.....I sat down with all the figures and we worked through it...it took about 3 years and we are now debt free....so it can be done!

A few things I noticed.

Is you council tax paid over 10 months or 12? I only pay over 12 months now, so my income and expenditure always remain the same. Just call the Council Tax office and change it! Those few extra pounds really help!

I still don't have a TV Tax (Licence), as I don't need it and watch everything on NONE LIVE TV. So contact them, you can cancel it! Its all pants on the TV anyway!

You need to get rid of Netfix, disney, spotify etc....only have them when you are debit free....otherwise they should not exist.

You need to sit down and talk through your debit with your partner, she needs to be paying half of everything...or you may need to find somwhere cheaper to live?

Could you move in with a relative and pay lower rent to them? While you get out of the spiral...not sure others would agree about this suggestion.

Have you sold anything on-line or on market place to make some extra money?

My young son (16 and first job) has just got an Evening job for Christmas Staff till February 2026, 20 hours a week at Dunelm...could your partner do something like that just to keep some money coming in? Look on Indeed the xmas jobs are starting to come up now.

Haircuts...need knocking on the head...grow it out for a while, or invest in a £20 headshaver and have a buzz cut. Assuming you are a man, if not just grow it out and tie it up.

Don't default on your payments!

If you have a Nationwide account, have you been offered the interest free overdraft? I was given £2k OD (this changes from one person to the next)....BUT YOU HAVE TO CLEAR THIS WITHIN THE YEAR, OR THE INTEREST IS BONKERS). 

Maybe ask your partner to pay off the smallest loan, as a way of helping you out.

Hope this helps in a small way

Hi, Thank you so much for your input and I'm glad you are now on top of it. 

Yes my Partner knows about the debt but we keep our finances strictly seperate and she's not in a poaition to bail me out as she isn't working and has health problems herself. It's paid over 10 months at £183 so over 12 months works out £151 so that's what I put there. 

I can get rid of Netflix and get haircuts at home but I don't think it will make much of a difference as my monthly debt repayments are over £800 a month. 

We live in London and have friends and family here so we live in a 1 bed and £1300 is pretty average for London. We can move slightly out but we have elderly parents in London so can't be too far away from them. Moving in with friends and family isn't an option as we like our privacy. 

I already have £2k overdraft with my main bank Santander so don't need more credit. 
 
The advice here is to default as it stays on credit file for 6 years as opposed to arrangement to pay which stays on the file for a further 5 years once debt is paid off. Defaulting is probably my best option and then speaking to a debt advisor.

You need to cut back even ignoring the debts because according to your SOA, you are earning less than your non debt-spends. You should be aiming to spend at least £100 less than your income, to save for emergencies. So cutting back on netflix and iPlayer/live TV, reducing spend on haircuts, clothing, entertainment until you are saving (at least) £100 a month. (Not including money being put aside for your annual expenses).

It looks like you have £50 allocated to emergency fund. If you say no holidays, then you have a further £50 to find towards the £100 emergency fund goal. (Providing your SOA is accurate)

Your first post sounded very sensible with your plan, but I think you still have to have the realisation that you have to cut back and make some compromises.

Hi, I can understand that I can make some cutbacks like Netflix, haircuts but surely I should have some allowance for clothes, medication, gym ( I'm obese), a few takeaways a month etc to live a decent quality of life?

I'm confused about what would  be classed as a reasonable expense and what's considered a luxury when applying for a DRO?

My comments aren't about your DRO applicability, but about you being able to afford your life. Do you understand that your expenses (not including debts) are higher than your income? 

ManyWays

i have spoken to my parents and they are willing to cover the £94 montly HP car finance payment so I can keep seeing them. I've read that if a family member is willing to take on the HP then I can keep the car and it won't effect my DRO application?

That is generally true but a couple of possible complications.

First the question of whether the car is a necessary expense for you. If it isnt, then the following expenses lines may not be allowed which  may mean you are over the £75 surplus income a month 
Petrol/diesel........................... 70

Road tax................................ 16

Car Insurance........................... 66

Second, the HP agreement may give the provider a right to terminate the car finance if you become insolvent, This insolvency clause is often there but rarely invoked these days. But you need to know about the possibility.

The other complication for a DRO is your partners income. You cannot just say they have always given me 500 a month, the Adviser setting up the DRO will want to know if that is a fair share of the living expenses. If they should be paying more, you will have more surplus income and may not qualify for a DRO. If you say you know nothing about their finances, then a 50/50 split on bills is usually assumed. 

Grumpelstiltskin

You mentioned gym and takeaways, if you are buying the average takeaway meals then if you stopped them and cooked your own food you perhaps wouldn't need the gym.

I don't think you have had your lightbulb moment yet.

kimwp

Grumpelstiltskin said:

You mentioned gym and takeaways, if you are buying the average takeaway meals then if you stopped them and cooked your own food you perhaps wouldn't need the gym.

I don't think you have had your lightbulb moment yet.

As a fellow fatty, who has lost and gained weight (and needs to lose), it's not as simple as this - and exercise is important for health, regardless of weight status. 

But! Takeaways can easily invalidate efforts towards weight loss due to their very high calories. When I successfully lost weight, I had to reduce daily calories by 400 and be really strict about no takeaways - there just isn't space in the calorie budget (or you have a small takeaway and otherwise only eat celery that day)

And walking, exercise videos on YouTube, calisthenics are free. If the gym is helpful and you can afford it, then great. But if you can't afford it, then you can't have it (or need to cut back on other things to be able to afford it)

IWantaFreshStart2025

kimwp said:

IWantaFreshStart2025 said:

kimwp said:

IWantaFreshStart2025 said:

Bizzywizard said:

Hi,
As someone whose husband had cicra £19k of debt and I didn't know at the time...does your partner?
I only found out when he wasn't sleeping and he was crying.....I sat down with all the figures and we worked through it...it took about 3 years and we are now debt free....so it can be done!

A few things I noticed.

Is you council tax paid over 10 months or 12? I only pay over 12 months now, so my income and expenditure always remain the same. Just call the Council Tax office and change it! Those few extra pounds really help!

I still don't have a TV Tax (Licence), as I don't need it and watch everything on NONE LIVE TV. So contact them, you can cancel it! Its all pants on the TV anyway!

You need to get rid of Netfix, disney, spotify etc....only have them when you are debit free....otherwise they should not exist.

You need to sit down and talk through your debit with your partner, she needs to be paying half of everything...or you may need to find somwhere cheaper to live?

Could you move in with a relative and pay lower rent to them? While you get out of the spiral...not sure others would agree about this suggestion.

Have you sold anything on-line or on market place to make some extra money?

My young son (16 and first job) has just got an Evening job for Christmas Staff till February 2026, 20 hours a week at Dunelm...could your partner do something like that just to keep some money coming in? Look on Indeed the xmas jobs are starting to come up now.

Haircuts...need knocking on the head...grow it out for a while, or invest in a £20 headshaver and have a buzz cut. Assuming you are a man, if not just grow it out and tie it up.

Don't default on your payments!

If you have a Nationwide account, have you been offered the interest free overdraft? I was given £2k OD (this changes from one person to the next)....BUT YOU HAVE TO CLEAR THIS WITHIN THE YEAR, OR THE INTEREST IS BONKERS). 

Maybe ask your partner to pay off the smallest loan, as a way of helping you out.

Hope this helps in a small way

Hi, Thank you so much for your input and I'm glad you are now on top of it. 

Yes my Partner knows about the debt but we keep our finances strictly seperate and she's not in a poaition to bail me out as she isn't working and has health problems herself. It's paid over 10 months at £183 so over 12 months works out £151 so that's what I put there. 

I can get rid of Netflix and get haircuts at home but I don't think it will make much of a difference as my monthly debt repayments are over £800 a month. 

We live in London and have friends and family here so we live in a 1 bed and £1300 is pretty average for London. We can move slightly out but we have elderly parents in London so can't be too far away from them. Moving in with friends and family isn't an option as we like our privacy. 

I already have £2k overdraft with my main bank Santander so don't need more credit. 
 
The advice here is to default as it stays on credit file for 6 years as opposed to arrangement to pay which stays on the file for a further 5 years once debt is paid off. Defaulting is probably my best option and then speaking to a debt advisor.

You need to cut back even ignoring the debts because according to your SOA, you are earning less than your non debt-spends. You should be aiming to spend at least £100 less than your income, to save for emergencies. So cutting back on netflix and iPlayer/live TV, reducing spend on haircuts, clothing, entertainment until you are saving (at least) £100 a month. (Not including money being put aside for your annual expenses).

It looks like you have £50 allocated to emergency fund. If you say no holidays, then you have a further £50 to find towards the £100 emergency fund goal. (Providing your SOA is accurate)

Your first post sounded very sensible with your plan, but I think you still have to have the realisation that you have to cut back and make some compromises.

Hi, I can understand that I can make some cutbacks like Netflix, haircuts but surely I should have some allowance for clothes, medication, gym ( I'm obese), a few takeaways a month etc to live a decent quality of life?

I'm confused about what would  be classed as a reasonable expense and what's considered a luxury when applying for a DRO?

My comments aren't about your DRO applicability, but about you being able to afford your life. Do you understand that your expenses (not including debts) are higher than your income? 

Yes I see where you are coming from and I'll have to make some cutbacks or change my lifestyle so I can live within my means but it's complicated as I can't move away from London as I have elderly parents to look after and keep company so rent is always going to be high and account for about 50% of my monthly outgoings. 
I have managed to survive with doing overtime and help from parents but there is no overtime now or help from parents so I'll have to see where I can make some cutbacks. I don't want these financial issues to cause any strain on my personal relationship with my partner as she deals with her own health and mental health issues. 

in_need_of_direction

IWantaFreshStart2025 said:

Since the start of our relationship she's only paid for council tax and I cover everything else. I like to be the main breadwinner but she's helped out more over the years as our rent has gone up and prices in general but we've agreed she'll not have to contribute more than that and our finances are seperate so she shouldn't have to pay for my financial missmanagement. She has her own debts of over 10k and I don't help her out. 

is it possible that part of your financial mismanagement is due to limited costs being met by your partner?  also, is there a reason she didn't use her redundancy to clear debt?  given that she appears, while working, to have a greater disposable income than you, do you need to consider how both your debts arose?

best of luck in dealing with this, the hardest part is over in recognising how things stand