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Need help getting out of debt cycle!!!
Comments
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Thanks for the suggestion and I get that takeaways are not healthy. I don't have a takeaway everyday but sometimes after my 10 hours shift I'm too tired to cook. Due to my partner's health issues she can't chop or slice food as she's got chronic pain syndrome and arthiritis in her hands she can't cook as well so I order takeaways sometimes as a treat.Grumpelstiltskin said:You mentioned gym and takeaways, if you are buying the average takeaway meals then if you stopped them and cooked your own food you perhaps wouldn't need the gym.
I don't think you have had your lightbulb moment yet.
I've put on more weight as I do a desk job and been doing overtime to keep up with paying my bills and it has contributed to my weight.
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If your partner has physical problems is she claiming ESA and PIP?If you go down to the woods today you better not go alone.0
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From the start of our relationship we decided to keep our finances seperate and I pay for most things. I live a fairly lowkey lifestyle so I didn't mind. She lives a more lavis lifestyle and I am perfectly fine with that. Most of the debt has accumulated from overspedning on holidays, and going out too often, needing furniture for new home, etc etc over the years but we have cut back greatly.in_need_of_direction said:IWantaFreshStart2025 said:
Since the start of our relationship she's only paid for council tax and I cover everything else. I like to be the main breadwinner but she's helped out more over the years as our rent has gone up and prices in general but we've agreed she'll not have to contribute more than that and our finances are seperate so she shouldn't have to pay for my financial missmanagement. She has her own debts of over 10k and I don't help her out.is it possible that part of your financial mismanagement is due to limited costs being met by your partner? also, is there a reason she didn't use her redundancy to clear debt? given that she appears, while working, to have a greater disposable income than you, do you need to consider how both your debts arose?best of luck in dealing with this, the hardest part is over in recognising how things stand
She had 18k debt so she's paid some of her's off but still around 9k left I think.
Appreciate your input1 -
Yes she does get pip and she spends it mostly on physical therapy and supplements to ease her painGrumpelstiltskin said:If your partner has physical problems is she claiming ESA and PIP?0 -
How is the £500 from your partner reflected in the SOA?IWantaFreshStart2025 said:[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]Household Information[/b]Number of adults in household........... 2Number of children in household.........Number of cars owned.................... 1[b]Monthly Income Details[/b]Monthly income after tax................ 2105Partners monthly income after tax....... 0Benefits................................ 495Other income............................ 0[b]Total monthly income.................... 2600[/b][b]Monthly Expense Details[/b]Mortgage................................ 0Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 94Rent.................................... 1300Management charge (leasehold property).. 0Council tax............................. 151Electricity............................. 35Gas..................................... 35Oil..................................... 0Water rates............................. 40Telephone (land line)................... 0Mobile phone............................ 30TV Licence.............................. 16Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0Internet Services....................... 30Groceries etc. ......................... 450Clothing................................ 50Petrol/diesel........................... 70Road tax................................ 16Car Insurance........................... 66Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20Car parking............................. 3Other travel............................ 0Childcare/nursery....................... 0Other child related expenses............ 0Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 50Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0Buildings insurance..................... 0Contents insurance...................... 0Life assurance ......................... 0Other insurance......................... 0Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0Haircuts................................ 40Entertainment........................... 50Holiday................................. 100Emergency fund.......................... 50[b]Total monthly expenses.................. 2696[/b][b]Assets[/b]Cash.................................... 0House value (Gross)..................... 1000Shares and bonds........................ 0Car(s).................................. 0Other assets............................ 0[b]Total Assets............................ 1000[/b][b]Secured & HP Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRMortgage...................... 0........(0)........0Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 5000.....(94).......10[b]Total secured & HP debts...... 5000......-.........- [/b][b]Unsecured Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRTesco bank Loan................7500......228.......12.3Santander Loan.................5200......177.......15.5Barclays credit card...........6800......256.......0Virgin Money card..............725.......25........25Paypal credit..................1500......56........22MBNA Credit card...............3400......156.......24.5[b]Total unsecured debts..........25125.....898.......- [/b][b]Monthly Budget Summary[/b]Total monthly income.................... 2,600Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,696Available for debt repayments........... -96Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 898[b]Amount short for making debt repayments. -994[/b][b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]Total assets (things you own)........... 1,000Total HP & Secured debt................. -5,000Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,125[b]Net Assets.............................. -29,125[/b][i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]
Based on the above. What's my best course of action? My parents used to help me financially but they've had enough now and my bonus has gone down as well so I used to be able to getby but no longer can. DRO?
Are these bills the full bill amounts?Statement of Affairs (SOA) link: https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.phpFor free, non-judgemental debt advice, try: Stepchange or National Debtline. Beware fee charging companies with similar names.0 -
That's the £495 from listed as benefits. She is currently on Benefits and contributes to expenses.kimwp said:
How is the £500 from your partner reflected in the SOA?IWantaFreshStart2025 said:[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]Household Information[/b]Number of adults in household........... 2Number of children in household.........Number of cars owned.................... 1[b]Monthly Income Details[/b]Monthly income after tax................ 2105Partners monthly income after tax....... 0Benefits................................ 495Other income............................ 0[b]Total monthly income.................... 2600[/b][b]Monthly Expense Details[/b]Mortgage................................ 0Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 94Rent.................................... 1300Management charge (leasehold property).. 0Council tax............................. 151Electricity............................. 35Gas..................................... 35Oil..................................... 0Water rates............................. 40Telephone (land line)................... 0Mobile phone............................ 30TV Licence.............................. 16Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0Internet Services....................... 30Groceries etc. ......................... 450Clothing................................ 50Petrol/diesel........................... 70Road tax................................ 16Car Insurance........................... 66Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20Car parking............................. 3Other travel............................ 0Childcare/nursery....................... 0Other child related expenses............ 0Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 50Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0Buildings insurance..................... 0Contents insurance...................... 0Life assurance ......................... 0Other insurance......................... 0Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0Haircuts................................ 40Entertainment........................... 50Holiday................................. 100Emergency fund.......................... 50[b]Total monthly expenses.................. 2696[/b][b]Assets[/b]Cash.................................... 0House value (Gross)..................... 1000Shares and bonds........................ 0Car(s).................................. 0Other assets............................ 0[b]Total Assets............................ 1000[/b][b]Secured & HP Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRMortgage...................... 0........(0)........0Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 5000.....(94).......10[b]Total secured & HP debts...... 5000......-.........- [/b][b]Unsecured Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRTesco bank Loan................7500......228.......12.3Santander Loan.................5200......177.......15.5Barclays credit card...........6800......256.......0Virgin Money card..............725.......25........25Paypal credit..................1500......56........22MBNA Credit card...............3400......156.......24.5[b]Total unsecured debts..........25125.....898.......- [/b][b]Monthly Budget Summary[/b]Total monthly income.................... 2,600Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,696Available for debt repayments........... -96Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 898[b]Amount short for making debt repayments. -994[/b][b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]Total assets (things you own)........... 1,000Total HP & Secured debt................. -5,000Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,125[b]Net Assets.............................. -29,125[/b][i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]
Based on the above. What's my best course of action? My parents used to help me financially but they've had enough now and my bonus has gone down as well so I used to be able to getby but no longer can. DRO?
Are these bills the full bill amounts?
Do you mean utility bills or repayments of debt?0 -
Ah ok thank you. Maybe rename it to "household contribution from partner" or similar.IWantaFreshStart2025 said:
That's the £495 from listed as benefits. She is currently on Benefits and contributes to expenses.kimwp said:
How is the £500 from your partner reflected in the SOA?IWantaFreshStart2025 said:[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]Household Information[/b]Number of adults in household........... 2Number of children in household.........Number of cars owned.................... 1[b]Monthly Income Details[/b]Monthly income after tax................ 2105Partners monthly income after tax....... 0Benefits................................ 495Other income............................ 0[b]Total monthly income.................... 2600[/b][b]Monthly Expense Details[/b]Mortgage................................ 0Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 94Rent.................................... 1300Management charge (leasehold property).. 0Council tax............................. 151Electricity............................. 35Gas..................................... 35Oil..................................... 0Water rates............................. 40Telephone (land line)................... 0Mobile phone............................ 30TV Licence.............................. 16Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0Internet Services....................... 30Groceries etc. ......................... 450Clothing................................ 50Petrol/diesel........................... 70Road tax................................ 16Car Insurance........................... 66Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20Car parking............................. 3Other travel............................ 0Childcare/nursery....................... 0Other child related expenses............ 0Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 50Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0Buildings insurance..................... 0Contents insurance...................... 0Life assurance ......................... 0Other insurance......................... 0Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0Haircuts................................ 40Entertainment........................... 50Holiday................................. 100Emergency fund.......................... 50[b]Total monthly expenses.................. 2696[/b][b]Assets[/b]Cash.................................... 0House value (Gross)..................... 1000Shares and bonds........................ 0Car(s).................................. 0Other assets............................ 0[b]Total Assets............................ 1000[/b][b]Secured & HP Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRMortgage...................... 0........(0)........0Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 5000.....(94).......10[b]Total secured & HP debts...... 5000......-.........- [/b][b]Unsecured Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRTesco bank Loan................7500......228.......12.3Santander Loan.................5200......177.......15.5Barclays credit card...........6800......256.......0Virgin Money card..............725.......25........25Paypal credit..................1500......56........22MBNA Credit card...............3400......156.......24.5[b]Total unsecured debts..........25125.....898.......- [/b][b]Monthly Budget Summary[/b]Total monthly income.................... 2,600Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,696Available for debt repayments........... -96Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 898[b]Amount short for making debt repayments. -994[/b][b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]Total assets (things you own)........... 1,000Total HP & Secured debt................. -5,000Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,125[b]Net Assets.............................. -29,125[/b][i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]
Based on the above. What's my best course of action? My parents used to help me financially but they've had enough now and my bonus has gone down as well so I used to be able to getby but no longer can. DRO?
Are these bills the full bill amounts?
Do you mean utility bills or repayments of debt?
I meant utility bills - are those the full household amounts?Statement of Affairs (SOA) link: https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.phpFor free, non-judgemental debt advice, try: Stepchange or National Debtline. Beware fee charging companies with similar names.0 -
Will do. Thankskimwp said:
Ah ok thank you. Maybe rename it to "household contribution from partner" or similar.IWantaFreshStart2025 said:
That's the £495 from listed as benefits. She is currently on Benefits and contributes to expenses.kimwp said:
How is the £500 from your partner reflected in the SOA?IWantaFreshStart2025 said:[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]Household Information[/b]Number of adults in household........... 2Number of children in household.........Number of cars owned.................... 1[b]Monthly Income Details[/b]Monthly income after tax................ 2105Partners monthly income after tax....... 0Benefits................................ 495Other income............................ 0[b]Total monthly income.................... 2600[/b][b]Monthly Expense Details[/b]Mortgage................................ 0Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 94Rent.................................... 1300Management charge (leasehold property).. 0Council tax............................. 151Electricity............................. 35Gas..................................... 35Oil..................................... 0Water rates............................. 40Telephone (land line)................... 0Mobile phone............................ 30TV Licence.............................. 16Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0Internet Services....................... 30Groceries etc. ......................... 450Clothing................................ 50Petrol/diesel........................... 70Road tax................................ 16Car Insurance........................... 66Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20Car parking............................. 3Other travel............................ 0Childcare/nursery....................... 0Other child related expenses............ 0Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 50Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0Buildings insurance..................... 0Contents insurance...................... 0Life assurance ......................... 0Other insurance......................... 0Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0Haircuts................................ 40Entertainment........................... 50Holiday................................. 100Emergency fund.......................... 50[b]Total monthly expenses.................. 2696[/b][b]Assets[/b]Cash.................................... 0House value (Gross)..................... 1000Shares and bonds........................ 0Car(s).................................. 0Other assets............................ 0[b]Total Assets............................ 1000[/b][b]Secured & HP Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRMortgage...................... 0........(0)........0Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 5000.....(94).......10[b]Total secured & HP debts...... 5000......-.........- [/b][b]Unsecured Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRTesco bank Loan................7500......228.......12.3Santander Loan.................5200......177.......15.5Barclays credit card...........6800......256.......0Virgin Money card..............725.......25........25Paypal credit..................1500......56........22MBNA Credit card...............3400......156.......24.5[b]Total unsecured debts..........25125.....898.......- [/b][b]Monthly Budget Summary[/b]Total monthly income.................... 2,600Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,696Available for debt repayments........... -96Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 898[b]Amount short for making debt repayments. -994[/b][b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]Total assets (things you own)........... 1,000Total HP & Secured debt................. -5,000Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,125[b]Net Assets.............................. -29,125[/b][i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]
Based on the above. What's my best course of action? My parents used to help me financially but they've had enough now and my bonus has gone down as well so I used to be able to getby but no longer can. DRO?
Are these bills the full bill amounts?
Do you mean utility bills or repayments of debt?
I meant utility bills - are those the full household amounts?
Yes they are. We are only 2 people in a 1 bed property. Are they too high or too low?0 -
Is there such a thing as bills being too low? The important thing is are they accurate (are they an average of your monthly spend through the year)IWantaFreshStart2025 said:
Will do. Thankskimwp said:
Ah ok thank you. Maybe rename it to "household contribution from partner" or similar.IWantaFreshStart2025 said:
That's the £495 from listed as benefits. She is currently on Benefits and contributes to expenses.kimwp said:
How is the £500 from your partner reflected in the SOA?IWantaFreshStart2025 said:[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]Household Information[/b]Number of adults in household........... 2Number of children in household.........Number of cars owned.................... 1[b]Monthly Income Details[/b]Monthly income after tax................ 2105Partners monthly income after tax....... 0Benefits................................ 495Other income............................ 0[b]Total monthly income.................... 2600[/b][b]Monthly Expense Details[/b]Mortgage................................ 0Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 94Rent.................................... 1300Management charge (leasehold property).. 0Council tax............................. 151Electricity............................. 35Gas..................................... 35Oil..................................... 0Water rates............................. 40Telephone (land line)................... 0Mobile phone............................ 30TV Licence.............................. 16Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0Internet Services....................... 30Groceries etc. ......................... 450Clothing................................ 50Petrol/diesel........................... 70Road tax................................ 16Car Insurance........................... 66Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20Car parking............................. 3Other travel............................ 0Childcare/nursery....................... 0Other child related expenses............ 0Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 50Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0Buildings insurance..................... 0Contents insurance...................... 0Life assurance ......................... 0Other insurance......................... 0Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0Haircuts................................ 40Entertainment........................... 50Holiday................................. 100Emergency fund.......................... 50[b]Total monthly expenses.................. 2696[/b][b]Assets[/b]Cash.................................... 0House value (Gross)..................... 1000Shares and bonds........................ 0Car(s).................................. 0Other assets............................ 0[b]Total Assets............................ 1000[/b][b]Secured & HP Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRMortgage...................... 0........(0)........0Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 5000.....(94).......10[b]Total secured & HP debts...... 5000......-.........- [/b][b]Unsecured Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRTesco bank Loan................7500......228.......12.3Santander Loan.................5200......177.......15.5Barclays credit card...........6800......256.......0Virgin Money card..............725.......25........25Paypal credit..................1500......56........22MBNA Credit card...............3400......156.......24.5[b]Total unsecured debts..........25125.....898.......- [/b][b]Monthly Budget Summary[/b]Total monthly income.................... 2,600Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,696Available for debt repayments........... -96Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 898[b]Amount short for making debt repayments. -994[/b][b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]Total assets (things you own)........... 1,000Total HP & Secured debt................. -5,000Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,125[b]Net Assets.............................. -29,125[/b][i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]
Based on the above. What's my best course of action? My parents used to help me financially but they've had enough now and my bonus has gone down as well so I used to be able to getby but no longer can. DRO?
Are these bills the full bill amounts?
Do you mean utility bills or repayments of debt?
I meant utility bills - are those the full household amounts?
Yes they are. We are only 2 people in a 1 bed property. Are they too high or too low?
The reason for my asking was to run the numbers through what more knowledgeable posters have said about your partner's impact on your chances of a dro.
She is paying slightly under a quarter of your household bills (rent, energy, water, broadband, TV license and groceries). So if her finances are to be kept separate, meaning they would assume a 50:50 split, then you would have an assumed extra £500, so an excess of £400 IE more than £75 surplus after essential spends for a dro. (You may have come to that conclusion already and I didn't spot your responses to those messages)Statement of Affairs (SOA) link: https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.phpFor free, non-judgemental debt advice, try: Stepchange or National Debtline. Beware fee charging companies with similar names.1 -
Is your partner using her PIP mainly for physical therapy and supplements or is she using it towards household expenses. Or using her redundancy to fund the household expenses?
I appreciate that you keep your finances separate and that you perceive that you are the main breadwinner.
You do understand fully that you have been funding your partner's "lavish" lifestyle whilst getting into debt, whether it's failing to negotiate a proportionate contribution to household expenses or taking expensive holidays?
If you can't do overtime, can you a second job, even if only until Christmas?
Regarding your health and fitness, I'd suggest you check out Michael Mosley and Claire Bailey. Everything from maybe a 2/7 diet to some of the "Just one Thing" ideas. Start by walking down a step of stairs, even if you get the lift back up, and build on that, for example.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing2
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