Kids on social media

Pollycat

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Hi all,

I’ve recently decided not to add my kids faces on social media. And I’ve politely asked my family and my partners family to do the same. 

Everyone was on board except my MIL. She quickly unfriend me on Facebook and added all the recent photos I sent through. 

My partner is siding with her saying that I’m overreacting. I haven’t said anything to her yet but seeing that my own partner isn’t on my side I feel a little backed into a corner. 

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

Was this a decision you made yourself without discussing it with your partner?

If it was, I can see why they might have sided with their Mother.

LightFlare

Uriziel said:

You are definitely in the right as I have known companies that take off faces of western kids to use in their Asian marketing since they love blondes with blue eyes completely without consent, just off FB. What I find shocking is that you married a guy who sides with his mother instead of you. Since he is also a parent you don't really have a case.

Some wide reaching assumptions there (not saying they arent true - but nothing to suggest it is)

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Pollycat said:

You MIL seems to be acting like a child.
Unfriending you?
Really?

It's more problematical that your partner has sided with their Mum.

I'm a private person and don't do the normal social media.
I wouldn't be happy if someone uploaded a photo with me in it onto their social media account.

To top it all off she just blocked me. I didn’t even say anything to her yet. 

Most would call that an excellent result

Dogsarethebest2025

Pollycat said:

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Hi all,

I’ve recently decided not to add my kids faces on social media. And I’ve politely asked my family and my partners family to do the same. 

Everyone was on board except my MIL. She quickly unfriend me on Facebook and added all the recent photos I sent through. 

My partner is siding with her saying that I’m overreacting. I haven’t said anything to her yet but seeing that my own partner isn’t on my side I feel a little backed into a corner. 

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

Was this a decision you made yourself without discussing it with your partner?

If it was, I can see why they might have sided with their Mother.

My partner is extremely easy going as in doesn’t really have much of an opinion either way and would rather be kept out of it. 

HampshireH

The bigger issue here is a partner who isn't on the same page and a mother in law who clearly doesn't respect your decision as a parent and is petty enough to block you on social media as a result so you can't see what they do. Are relations normally this strained?

You need a chat with partner & get on the same page publicly with a united front whether partner cares about the issue or not privately 

Our sibling won't allow any photos of their kids on social media. All family knows that. However much the MIL disagreed and pushed the boundaries, sibling held firm and they don't put photos up.

We on other hand don't have the same approach for ours but also respect siblings decision. Any group photos where they happen to be in then permission is sought and sibling can decide on an individual basis.

Pollycat

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Pollycat said:

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Hi all,

I’ve recently decided not to add my kids faces on social media. And I’ve politely asked my family and my partners family to do the same. 

Everyone was on board except my MIL. She quickly unfriend me on Facebook and added all the recent photos I sent through. 

My partner is siding with her saying that I’m overreacting. I haven’t said anything to her yet but seeing that my own partner isn’t on my side I feel a little backed into a corner. 

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

Was this a decision you made yourself without discussing it with your partner?

If it was, I can see why they might have sided with their Mother.

My partner is extremely easy going as in doesn’t really have much of an opinion either way and would rather be kept out of it. 

But did you discuss it with your partner?
Or did you just assume they were so easygoing that they weren't bothered either way.
Your partner clearly has an opinion now.
They have sided with their Mother.

You asked this question in your original post:

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

It really doesn't matter what other people's views are.
You have to sort this out with your partner.

Dogsarethebest2025

Pollycat said:

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Pollycat said:

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Hi all,

I’ve recently decided not to add my kids faces on social media. And I’ve politely asked my family and my partners family to do the same. 

Everyone was on board except my MIL. She quickly unfriend me on Facebook and added all the recent photos I sent through. 

My partner is siding with her saying that I’m overreacting. I haven’t said anything to her yet but seeing that my own partner isn’t on my side I feel a little backed into a corner. 

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

Was this a decision you made yourself without discussing it with your partner?

If it was, I can see why they might have sided with their Mother.

My partner is extremely easy going as in doesn’t really have much of an opinion either way and would rather be kept out of it. 

But did you discuss it with your partner?
Or did you just assume they were so easygoing that they weren't bothered either way.
Your partner clearly has an opinion now.
They have sided with their Mother.

You asked this question in your original post:

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

It really doesn't matter what other people's views are.
You have to sort this out with your partner.

I know other people’s views ultimately don’t matter in my life but it’s more me being curious if I am the only person with this view ( of course I myself posted photos of my kids online completely unaware of dangers etc but now that I know I have stopped). 

Yes I spoke to my partner. He said he is not bothered about whether our kids faces are on social media or not. He said he’s happy for them to be off but also happy for them to be on like whatever keeps the peace in the family. I haven’t spoken to MIL. Her blocking me was a pretty clear message she will do whatever she wants. She told my partner before that no one will dictate what she can and can’t do. And whilst I respect that I am the same so why should I step aside and let her dictate what boundaries I can and can’t set. 

To answer your question, yes always this strained. My MIL is the definition of my way or no way. 

Exodi

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Pollycat said:

Dogsarethebest2025 said:

Hi all,

I’ve recently decided not to add my kids faces on social media. And I’ve politely asked my family and my partners family to do the same. 

Everyone was on board except my MIL. She quickly unfriend me on Facebook and added all the recent photos I sent through. 

My partner is siding with her saying that I’m overreacting. I haven’t said anything to her yet but seeing that my own partner isn’t on my side I feel a little backed into a corner. 

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

Was this a decision you made yourself without discussing it with your partner?

If it was, I can see why they might have sided with their Mother.

My partner is extremely easy going as in doesn’t really have much of an opinion either way and would rather be kept out of it. 

This just isn't consistent with your OP where you said: "My partner is siding with her saying that I’m overreacting". Clearly they have a stance on this - have you had an open discussion on about it?

Dogsarethebest2025 said:
I know other people’s views ultimately don’t matter in my life but it’s more me being curious if I am the only person with this view ( of course I myself posted photos of my kids online completely unaware of dangers etc but now that I know I have stopped). 

Out of interest, what are the dangers you are referring to? Online predators? Stalkers?

You can surely appreciate that millions of people upload pictures of their children to social media every day without incident. I could understand if you restricted sensitive photos/videos (e.g. bath time or dancing 'in an adult manner') but I'm not totally clear on the point of a total blackout. If it's about being stalked, I challenge you to work out any of your Facebook friends home addresses based on their pictures or activities. Bar taking pictures sitting on your road sign and outside your front door, I'd imagine this is an irrational fear. If it's the school, I'd expect that there are solid processes in place to stop strangers walking into schools collecting other peoples kids.

I'm only saying this because you said you were curious to other peoples view, I know in reality it makes no difference to your opinion.

Dogsarethebest2025 said:
Yes I spoke to my partner. He said he is not bothered about whether our kids faces are on social media or not. He said he’s happy for them to be off but also happy for them to be on like whatever keeps the peace in the family.

I think this might be the crux of the issue - clearly there feud is deepening between you and your MIL, and this decision is not keeping peace in the family.

Dogsarethebest2025 said:
I haven’t spoken to MIL. Her blocking me was a pretty clear message she will do whatever she wants. She told my partner before that no one will dictate what she can and can’t do. And whilst I respect that I am the same so why should I step aside and let her dictate what boundaries I can and can’t set. 

To answer your question, yes always this strained. My MIL is the definition of my way or no way. 

It is sad to read that you are and your MIL are both bullheaded. My family is the same (also mainly the women with the men typically having the same attitude as your partner). Many of them have fallen out and never spoken again over the stupidest things (at this point, they can't even remember what it was), always adamant the only way to make peace is for the other to come to them and apologise. I personally think it's quite immature to live like this.

Unfortunately, but unsurprisingly, two people that are unwilling to compromise on their positions are destined to have a strained relationship.

Even in this situation there are many ways to compromise, if there is a desire too. For example, agreeing that you will send her pictures if she agrees to set the privacy on the posts to 'Friends Only'.

I think you really need to find a compromise as this will only further drive a wedge between you and your partner as it escalates. Currently she's now blocked you and I assume you're no longer sending pictures to her? If your partner sends pictures to her, you'll feel undermined. If he doesn't, she'll feel like your forcing him to take your side (especially as it sounds like she may be aware he agrees with her).

If she was to look after the child and take her own pictures then upload them, you'd presumably have an issue with that, so what do you do? Refuse to let her see her grandchild until she meets your demands? It's messy.

But then, as I said earlier, I'm not someone that's precious about my privacy. I'm sure others may feel strongly on your side too and be unsure why the MIL is so disagreeable. I certainly agree the MIL isn't a saint and her response is dramatic, immature and selfish. I don't know how my MIL would react, we get on pretty well, but then our daughter is her profile picture and cover picture - she's a very proud grandmother.

strawb_shortcake

Having watched a presentation by the police on how a tiny minority of people will use photos of children, adapt them, add meta data and use them on the likes of the dark Web I fully understand why some people would not want to take the risk. 

I also have a family member that will not put any photos on as their children cannot consent, 

In any scenario, both parents really need to be on the same page, however if I was that adamant that my children should not appear on social media and my MiL behaved like that, they probate wouldn't see my children for awhile

sheramber

People don’t need to walk into a school to find a child. They can hang about outside to wait for them to come out. 

Then follow them home and find out the address. 

Name could have been shown on social media.

Birthday pictures give away date of birth.

Now that information can be used for identity theft. 

Don’t underestimate fraudsters or predators. 

Pictures can be copied and used for child pornography. 

It doesn’t matter whether it happens a lot or not, once is one  too many. 

Exodi

strawb_shortcake said:

however if I was that adamant that my children should not appear on social media and my MiL behaved like that, they probate wouldn't see my children for awhile

So as well as cutting off your MIL, what of the partner?

Get with the program or get out as well?

sheramber said:

People don’t need to walk into a school to find a child. They can hang about outside to wait for them to come out. 

Then follow them home and find out the address. 

Name could have been shown on social media.

Birthday pictures give away date of birth.

Now that information can be used for identity theft. 

Don’t underestimate fraudsters or predators. 

Pictures can be copied and used for child pornography. 

It doesn’t matter whether it happens a lot or not, once is one  too many. 

You can follow anyone home to find their address, whether they post pictures on social media isn't really of any relevance.

Likewise I'm not clear on the part about someones name and birthday allowing you to commit identify theft? Especially on a baby/child - what's the goal? Presumably not credit applications? Personally, I'm not sure what I could achieve knowing my friends or work colleagues names and birthdays?

As to the final point "It doesn’t matter whether it happens a lot or not, once is one too many." this is why I feel that in reality this is closer to irrational paranoia rather real risk mitigation. You could ride this slippery slope, wrapping your kids in cotton wool and concluding they shouldn't be allowed in cars, or on playground equipment, etc because of the infinitesimally small chance of something happening - "It doesn’t matter whether it happens a lot or not, once is one too many."

In reality, my Facebook page is flooded with people posting pictures of their kids on a near daily basis (perhaps it's my age - I'm in my thirties so every one seems to be having them at the same time).

Separate to this whole topic, I don't think we should encourage intransigence, disregard our partners views or nonchalantly advocate cutting out grandparents from their grandchilds lives...