Kids on social media

Dogsarethebest2025

Hi all,

I’ve recently decided not to add my kids faces on social media. And I’ve politely asked my family and my partners family to do the same. 

Everyone was on board except my MIL. She quickly unfriend me on Facebook and added all the recent photos I sent through. 

My partner is siding with her saying that I’m overreacting. I haven’t said anything to her yet but seeing that my own partner isn’t on my side I feel a little backed into a corner. 

What’s everyone’s views on privacy and not putting kids faces on social media?

gwynlas

It is up to you as parents re sharing photos withh family members but agree that  they should not be shared with a wider audience.

beckstar1975

Tell her no agreement no photos - they're not hers to share.

My kids are big teens now but they asserted years ago they didn't want us sharing without their say so which is totally fair enough, I wish I'd thought more about it before they had a voice

elsien

Once it’s out there, it’s out there for good. I am very careful of my own privacy online - I don’t put any photos of myself up although there is always the chance that other people will at group events - and if I had children, I would do the same for them until they were old enough and sensible enough to make those decisions for themselves.

Pollycat

You MIL seems to be acting like a child.
Unfriending you?
Really?

It's more problematical that your partner has sided with their Mum.

I'm a private person and don't do the normal social media.
I wouldn't be happy if someone uploaded a photo with me in it onto their social media account.

Exodi

I'm with your partner, I don't see what the issue is, but then I'm not precious about privacy either.

Personally I think the biggest issue is that your partner is not on board either. Have you unilaterally made this decision for the both of you?

Considering the hundreds of pictures of peoples kids I see on Facebook every day, I doubt my wife posting a picture of our baby in a duck outfit poses any real security risk.

I guess if you are adamant on this, the simplest solution would be to just stop sending pictures to MIL, though undoubtedly this will be incendiary and pointless if you're partner sends them.

I'd keep in mind that the forum demographic skews older - I'd suggest peoples attitudes to privacy and selfies changes as you age. My wife and I have a running joke that you can tell someone is older than 50 because their profile picture becomes their dog or grandkids.

Dogsarethebest2025

Pollycat said:

You MIL seems to be acting like a child.
Unfriending you?
Really?

It's more problematical that your partner has sided with their Mum.

I'm a private person and don't do the normal social media.
I wouldn't be happy if someone uploaded a photo with me in it onto their social media account.

To top it all off she just blocked me. I didn’t even say anything to her yet. 

Uriziel

You are definitely in the right as I have known companies that take off faces of western kids to use in their Asian marketing since they love blondes with blue eyes completely without consent, just off FB. What I find shocking is that you married a guy who sides with his mother instead of you. Since he is also a parent you don't really have a case.

Exodi

Uriziel said:

You are definitely in the right as I have known companies that take off faces of western kids to use in their Asian marketing since they love blondes with blue eyes completely without consent, just off FB. What I find shocking is that you married a guy who sides with his mother instead of you. Since he is also a parent you don't really have a case.

How can you declare a certain position 'right' in a subjective topic like this? The reasoning about photoshopping different ethnicities is even more confusing.

How do you know the partner is a guy? How do you know they're married?

Why is it shocking that the partner might have a different opinion to the OP on a certain matter? Why should the OP's opinion be any more important or valid than their partners?

As others have said, they need to have the partner on side first - and that doesn't just mean forcing their partner to agree with their position.

twopenny

Previously I'd have sat on the fence about this but wouldn't see the harm.
However it's a weird world out there now and weird people have access and ideas that most people can't get their heads around and it's global.
So I think if it makes you feel better then do it.
The mother is thinking more about herself than the children. When she can have photos of her grandkids for private viewing what is the purpose of showing them to the world? It's about her boasting. Can't see another reason.

Frankly I'm quite shocked at seeing youngsters dressed in little and belly dancing or suggestively imitating dance songs. They don't understand what they are doing but the adults that post should.
A duck costume, probably ok 😁

Our U3A photography group have been made to go on Facebook instead of a local site. I won't submit photos that have my name attached as I was stalked back in the day. I also won't appear in group photos and such for the same reason.

Voyager2002

There is considerable scope for compromise...

Facebook offers a choice of privacy settings. For example, I sometimes use it to store photographs that only I can see. I also have some family photos that are only visible to members of my family (a particular group that I have created). Then there is content that can be seen only by "close friends", other content that all my friends can see, and some material that is visible to the whole world. 

Now, have a conversation with your partner about what might go wrong, and agree what privacy settings would be appropriate for these photos. Then arrange a conversation with MIL about privacy settings, so that she shows the photos only to an audience that BOTH the parents believe is appropriate (or at least not harmful).