SOA help

Justme4

RAS said:

Justme4 said:

So I have had ( and relapsed) a gambling problem. I’m a single parent with 4 children. I work part time and always have. .....:

I also had a debt plan....

My only asset is my car which is worth about 6k, I rent and work part time with UC top ups...... 

My income is with benefits is approx averaged as it changes slightly (4 weeks or 5 weeks month) wages £1057 £305 CB £1406 UC … iv done this as an average to make it easier. Just my debts alone are £880 … after rent and all bills .. the amount left only just covers food and a bit of fuel if I’m lucky… no hair cuts no prescriptions no days out for the kids no pocket money no emergency fund… I’m drowning. 

Welcome, well done for writing your post

There's an awful lot of magical thinking in your original post (edited).

You aren't the first person on MSE, nor will you be the last, to think that taking more credit will help them pay off debt. At best it just transfers the problem, often from flexible to unmanageable, at worst it doubles the problem, as you now realise. 


You have an income.

You have spends, some essential like rent, CT and food, some discretionary like clothing, presents and holidays.

Does your income (average) cover your spends? If not, you'll need to reduce discretionary spends.


You also have debts. Who was your debt plan with? Do you owe anything towards Council Tax, fines or secured loans? These are priority debts.

Most importantly, you need to pay your monthly spends, and whatever is left over goes towards your debts. Not to try and wring your spends out of what's left over after your paid the debts.


What ever debt solution you choose eventually, the first things you need to do are pretty much the same.

Stop thinking about joining about GA. You need support from others who've been somewhere near where you are. Contact them today, then think about AA.
 
Do your GP and mental health provider fully know about your past gambling and drinking, and debt issues? They need to if they are to help you effectively.


Then get a new basic bank account, which requires no credit check, and offers no overdraft. Transfer your income payments to that (check your employer's cut off date this month), and then your essential DDs like rent, CT. Cancel all the consumer debt repayments. 

You need to complete a Statement of Affairs, aka budget. You don't have to share here, but  more often than not people omit or minimise spends, which leads them to failure, than over-estimate. And the oldies here can spot those issues.

The aim is first to stabilise your finances, using the SOA and new bank account.  Then to build some emergency funds before choosing a debt solution. You may need additional support to manage having an emergency fund and your other issues.

It takes months for creditors to take any action when you stop paying, but there are things you can do to reduce initial response, so ask here first. Please come back if anything scares you, rather than reacting and then telling us. It's going to be 4-12 months before you need to make decisions.

Your children don't need expensive birthday presents. They'll gain much more living in a home where they know their day to day needs are met consistently and their parent has time for them, rather being overwhelmed by trying to wrangle the impossible. They may have to live with the fact that you may need some time for support, but as long as they have dedicated time, they'll be OK.

Wishing you all well.

Thank you so much, you hit the nail on the head with everything you said. So the plan was done by my self and It would have worked had I not have had my father and ex stopping their help has just screwed me over. It’s like everything imploded at once when I was just getting stuff together. 

So my average income would cover spends if I was to do a budget looking at peoples SOAs .. but right now I’m paying bills then debts and just about have left over for food and a bit of fuel. 

As for GA are these in person groups or phone support???? Orrrr?! …  I need a fresh start where I don’t feel like I’m fighting against the wind if you know what I mean, the casinos never lose but I just had the mind set of a win would get me out the hole. The GP knows about the stopping drinking and are aware and think I should have had more support round stopping but said iv managed it well (apart from a break down 3 months after)!!!! I did go back last week and did mention the gambling also but didn’t go into much detail as I’m just too ashamed. 

I have changed over UC and child benefit to a basic MONZO account I will do work tonight when I get home. 

Soo…. Do you suggest I contact CAB and ask them to help, maybe a breather is that 60 days? (I could save the money that would have paid to debt to start an emergency fund) or would this be frowned upon?  and give me chance to decide what my options are? 

I think what sacres me as the loans in April, then the money and balance transfers in June. Which weren’t little transactions … I’m sacred they think I was reckless with my decisions? Would I be looking at a dru? Or drro? If I go down one of those routes? 

The children really don’t and now the stress iv caused my self is unreal, but you are so right. 

So iv taken my time to reply as I just can’t get my head straight to say what’s going on in my mind, but I haven’t done anything and certainly am refraining from doing anything in haste lol!! First time for everything lol! 

Should I try do an SOA and see what people think? 

Brie

An SOA is always a good place to start.  It can be a real eye opener when you see the numbers there in black and white.  Do make sure your numbers are "real", i.e. use your bank statements and any credit card statements to show you what you actually spend rather than guessing as most of us are pretty rubbish at that.

Justme4

Brie said:

An SOA is always a good place to start.  It can be a real eye opener when you see the numbers there in black and white.  Do make sure your numbers are "real", i.e. use your bank statements and any credit card statements to show you what you actually spend rather than guessing as most of us are pretty rubbish at that.

Thank you, I think I missed your other message, when I get home and can use a bigger screen I will sit and put down everything and go from there. 

I do believe I can stop gambling, especially if I don’t feel trapped on the cycle of needing some sort of win to get me out the mess it got me into begin with??!! Honestly I’m kicking my self right now, but all I can do is try and find the best way out now. 

I can’t fully use statements as I borrow from family all the time to stay afloat once iv paid everything. 

I have changed all income to a new Monzo account.. so I feel I made a second step instead of just plodding on paying the debts and just keeping above water… Iv clearly been trying to fool my self.. but enough is enough … I’m just in that worried state that I can’t be helped because I caused this my self through reckless designs and gambling 

thanks x

Brie

If the info isn't easily available on the statements then you need to get a notebook and write down every transaction.  This is the way that people need to work if they are dealing predominantly with cash.  The alternative to a notebook is to use an excel spreadsheet on your pc.  Just save all your receipts and add them in when you get home.  It's fussy but doable. 

Stay strong.

RAS

Thanks for responding. Please don't feel obliged to report back but if you need someone to talk to, folk are here for you. I've only got a little time right now so will come back later

My own experience of the Anonymous organisation pre-dates Zoom and Teams, so it was meets and phone. Buddies are there on the phone for you when there's a fierce temptation at 3am.

Meantime, this weekend you need to transfer manually your essential DDs so that the first payment after your next paycheck comes out of the Monzo account.

Do not use the switch mechanism as that will transfer the DDs for your creditors and take ages to sort out. Whilst you are doing that also record the details in your SOA. Kill two birds with one stone?

ManyWays

If your gambling is online, then install GAMBAN, this works and is more effective against overseas websites than GAMSTOP is.

You asked about a DRRO (Debt Relief Restriction Order, the equivalent of a BRO for a DRO). You may, because of the gambling, but does that really matter? Most people dont like the idea of one but arent actually much affected by one in practice. 

It is vital that you get the debts under control and have a budget that you can comfortably live within, so you dont need to borrow money and dont have the feeling that what you need is a good win. 

Justme4

ManyWays said:

If your gambling is online, then install GAMBAN, this works and is more effective against overseas websites than GAMSTOP is.

You asked about a DRRO (Debt Relief Restriction Order, the equivalent of a BRO for a DRO). You may, because of the gambling, but does that really matter? Most people dont like the idea of one but arent actually much affected by one in practice. 

It is vital that you get the debts under control and have a budget that you can comfortably live within, so you dont need to borrow money and dont have the feeling that what you need is a good win. 

Thank you, well to be honest if that’s what they give me I deserve it. But my fear was they could give me a scentece because of my addiction and reckless decisions. I have a budget now and can make it work with out needing to keep borrowing I just can’t make it work still making payments to debts.. if a vicious cycle now.. pay debts then use cards?! … but when your using a card the budget just seems unmanageable as there is no physical money if that makes sense … sorry I’m waffling. 

But yes… absolutely if I wasn’t in this mess I wouldn’t need that WIN … I don’t want to gamble any more and when i eventually or if I get the chance at a fresh financial start I will never do this ever again.. 

gamban I think this is what I might need along side, I didn’t know this was a thing 😭!!! This would have helped over the last couple of years… is it an app? X

RAS

Look consumer debt isn't a biggy. Lots of folks get there, ill-health, job loss, etc. And there's burger all they can do except try to live within what means they have.

That's the first thing you need to do. Live within your means. And live with your means, revise that budget if needs be, make sure you have enough saved up so you can replace the cooker, repair the car, cover the deposit on a new rental, preferably all at once.

Forget about clearing it with a big win. You don't need that.

Just stop using credit cards. Full-stop. Cut them up and stop. Maybe even go cash only for a while.

With regard to the debts. Wait for the defaults to halt the interest. Work out what's left after your budget and pay say a total of 60% to your creditors, pro rata. Then build up a fighting fund; if you are nervous ask your partner to keep this. Then a few years down the line, your creditors will start making offers. Stick tight and a few months later they will make a better offer. Then offer less.

Difficult to predict but many debt buyers will settle for 30%, some less and a few are really difficult. 

You don't need a win, you need patience and you'll pay off these debts at a substantial discount.

Emmia

Justme4 said:

Soo.. after my last post I made the first step and attendees CAB this morning. 

They have gave a pack and asked me to do an expenditure and collect all evidence which I’m in with now… 

I was wondering if anyone had thier SOA for me to look at. I obviously haven’t had to do this or budget properly for a long time due to juggling my addiction and relying on family… but todays my first day towards getting away from the awful addiction and hopefully head towards been away from the stress and sleepless nights…. Enough rambling …. 

So if anyone has one I could look at more about day to day needs not mains bills ect.. I have 4 kids and don’t feel like I can work out what and how much I should be putting down for things…

please no judgment I’m already beating my self enough 

thanks guys 

The point of an SOA is to work out what you are spending and where, and to then work from that to identify areas that could be cut back to save money.

For example I might spend £100 a month on the gym, but you don't have a gym membership so my spend is a bit irrelevant. 

Really you should go through your bank / card statements over the last year to work out how much you're spending on each category 


If you want to pop up your SOA on here, you'll get lots of advice. Lemonfool has a good one.

DankVielen

Justme4 said:

Soo.. after my last post I made the first step and attendees CAB this morning. 

They have gave a pack and asked me to do an expenditure and collect all evidence which I’m in with now… 

I was wondering if anyone had thier SOA for me to look at. I obviously haven’t had to do this or budget properly for a long time due to juggling my addiction and relying on family… but todays my first day towards getting away from the awful addiction and hopefully head towards been away from the stress and sleepless nights…. Enough rambling …. 

So if anyone has one I could look at more about day to day needs not mains bills ect.. I have 4 kids and don’t feel like I can work out what and how much I should be putting down for things…

please no judgment I’m already beating my self enough 

thanks guys 

Your starting point is to work out your actual spend, so copy from your bank statements.

Then look at Subscriptions that may be hidden in your phone or in Paypal.

Consider any interest free or delayed payment options

use the link here which will inspire you to remember things that you probably deserve but have eliminated from your spending

https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

Post your SOA here as a preliminary first stab, then people will point out potential savings and what you have missed.