SOA help

Justme4

Soo.. after my last post I made the first step and attendees CAB this morning. 

They have gave a pack and asked me to do an expenditure and collect all evidence which I’m in with now… 

I was wondering if anyone had thier SOA for me to look at. I obviously haven’t had to do this or budget properly for a long time due to juggling my addiction and relying on family… but todays my first day towards getting away from the awful addiction and hopefully head towards been away from the stress and sleepless nights…. Enough rambling …. 

So if anyone has one I could look at more about day to day needs not mains bills ect.. I have 4 kids and don’t feel like I can work out what and how much I should be putting down for things…

please no judgment I’m already beating my self enough 

thanks guys 

Justme4

Right this is so hard for me to have to write but here goes… and any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated!! 

So I have had ( and relapsed) a gambling problem. I’m a single parent with 4 children. I work part time and always have. 

This battle has been going on for years but iv always stayed above water with help from family bailing me out on short months when iv really messed up. Iv done plenty of balance transfers and never missed a payment. 

In December I stopped drinking after a long battle with that, also had a debt plan once and for all to rid my self of the extra stress and pressure of debt repayments along with giving my kids a good life. 

In April I had a mental break down (possibly from no longer masking issues with alcohol everything in my mind imploded) I ended up under the mental health team off work for 8 weeks and now waiting to see mental health team possibly for a diagnoses (tried to diagnose years ago when I was in my early 20s with bpd/bipolar) I ran as this sacred this !!!!!! out of me. But in turn spent 10 years or more drinking and gambling .. even writing this knocks me sick! 

So during this breakdown with seems to be a huge memory lapse and some questionable decisions … so here we go….

i was still covering credit cards on interest free but had alight bulb moment and thought right I’ll get a loan consolidate pay off car and I’ll be in a better position, now I did do some of this but I also hit the biggest urge ever and withdrew some of this cash in the hopes that I could get a win and be free of this. £6k I withdrew now some of it was to pay back some family debts and the rest I threw at my addiction a dwindled it in the bookies over a few weeks!!!! Not my greatest moment… still having battles with mental health and trying to cheer my self up, I then got a £5k loan which I was going to take me and the kids on holiday (that never happened) the bookies and online slots got that too!!! 

I’m still thinking it’s ok I can’t get through this something will fall into place (dad was sending money which was covering my debts which he doesn’t know and I can’t tell him), I spent on my PayPal getting kids birthday gifts ect also bought a scope for my son which I then sold!! Klarna had become my best friend (nothings making me feel better) …. Then I find an online non GameStop site which accepted credit card!!! With a big spend and win and spend again I had to transfer interest free 3k and then because iv blown all my cash 1 weeks later took 3k as a money transfer.. this is all not good but I’m ok because…. 

My father was sending me money and I was surviving just. No one knows about my addiction and I’m so ashamed… but here’s the kicker!!!!!! 

Iv fallen out with my father very recently  and my eldest child’s dad has had to stop paying child maintenance as he’s having financial difficulties, again very recently..: So we know where this is going now, my lines of income have screwed up completely leaving me in a place where I need to do something or I will just make this worse trying to live on cards which I don’t want to do. As that’s making this whole thing worse. 

This is making my mental health worse the anxiety depression and panick attacks are consuming me daily I’m not sleeping I’m just royally !!!!!!! Iv let my self down my children down my family down! I really darent tell them, and what makes it worse my brains like “you’ve messed up anyways, so iv still spent again hoping to cheer my self up. 

Iv now closed all access to any sites and put a block on all my cards to prevent gambling) I’m looking to join maybe GA 

What do I do?? What do you need to know to advise me on what to do? 

My only asset is my car which is worth about 6k, I rent and work part time with UC top ups. 

My income is with benefits is approx averaged as it changes slightly (4 weeks or 5 weeks month) wages £1057 £305 CB £1406 UC … iv done this as an average to make it easier. Just my debts alone are £880 … after rent and all bills .. the amount left only just covers food and a bit of fuel if I’m lucky… no hair cuts no prescriptions no days out for the kids no pocket money no emergency fund… I’m drowning. 

Any help would be so helpful 

Thank you 

Misslayed

You’ve made a good start by posting so honestly here. I’m not able to give you any practical advice, but there are some very knowledgeable, helpful and non-judgmental folk here who will be along shortly with sound advice. Some have been in your position and speak from experience. Good luck. 

Justme4

Misslayed said:

You’ve made a good start by posting so honestly here. I’m not able to give you any practical advice, but there are some very knowledgeable, helpful and non-judgmental folk here who will be along shortly with sound advice. Some have been in your position and speak from experience. Good luck. 

Thank you so much, I just keep re reading it thinking “who is this person iv written about” sickening but hopefully a step in the right direction. Thank you x

Brie

Well done for unloading and making a public statement of what's happened/happening in your life.  It's a good start.

OK - practical stuff.  How much debt do you have?  Is bankruptcy the right option for you?  Those are the easy questions.  The more difficult one is will you be able to stop gambling?  In the long term??   No debt solution will work if you continue to add to the problem.  

There are easier, more affordable options than bankruptcy.  Debt Relief Orders, for instance.  Basically some refer to them a "bankruptcy lite" as they are for people who don't have massive debts, few assets, and no excess money after the basics are paid for.  

If you skip over to the Debt Free Wannabee forum there's a statement of accounts on one of the top stickies.  You might want to fill that out and post it there (linking back to this, or I can move this for you if you like).  People will be able to comment about your debt situation, suggest improvements to your budget and potential solutions.  This will help you cope with being in a tight financial spot.  But the main part of the solution will be not making things any worse.  

Here's my favourite website, Debt Camel, that talks about debt solutions - just in case you don't want to put too much more info out here just yet.  Debt solutions - what is your best option?

Justme4

Brie said:

Well done for unloading and making a public statement of what's happened/happening in your life.  It's a good start.

OK - practical stuff.  How much debt do you have?  Is bankruptcy the right option for you?  Those are the easy questions.  The more difficult one is will you be able to stop gambling?  In the long term??   No debt solution will work if you continue to add to the problem.  

There are easier, more affordable options than bankruptcy.  Debt Relief Orders, for instance.  Basically some refer to them a "bankruptcy lite" as they are for people who don't have massive debts, few assets, and no excess money after the basics are paid for.  

If you skip over to the Debt Free Wannabee forum there's a statement of accounts on one of the top stickies.  You might want to fill that out and post it there (linking back to this, or I can move this for you if you like).  People will be able to comment about your debt situation, suggest improvements to your budget and potential solutions.  This will help you cope with being in a tight financial spot.  But the main part of the solution will be not making things any worse.  

Here's my favourite website, Debt Camel, that talks about debt solutions - just in case you don't want to put too much more info out here just yet.  Debt solutions - what is your best option?

Thank you so much, yes I have posted this in 2 separate places as I wasn’t sure where would get the best replies. So if we move it where is best I’d appreciate that. Total is about 49k ish … I need a clean slate for my mental health x

sourcrates

Moved to DFW.

Brie

OK so now you are here where we can keep an eye on things - let us know what you budget looks like and we can provide further support.  

Stay strong.

RAS

Justme4 said:

So I have had ( and relapsed) a gambling problem. I’m a single parent with 4 children. I work part time and always have. .....:

I also had a debt plan....

My only asset is my car which is worth about 6k, I rent and work part time with UC top ups...... 

My income is with benefits is approx averaged as it changes slightly (4 weeks or 5 weeks month) wages £1057 £305 CB £1406 UC … iv done this as an average to make it easier. Just my debts alone are £880 … after rent and all bills .. the amount left only just covers food and a bit of fuel if I’m lucky… no hair cuts no prescriptions no days out for the kids no pocket money no emergency fund… I’m drowning. 

Welcome, well done for writing your post

There's an awful lot of magical thinking in your original post (edited).

You aren't the first person on MSE, nor will you be the last, to think that taking more credit will help them pay off debt. At best it just transfers the problem, often from flexible to unmanageable, at worst it doubles the problem, as you now realise. 


You have an income.

You have spends, some essential like rent, CT and food, some discretionary like clothing, presents and holidays.

Does your income (average) cover your spends? If not, you'll need to reduce discretionary spends.


You also have debts. Who was your debt plan with? Do you owe anything towards Council Tax, fines or secured loans? These are priority debts.

Most importantly, you need to pay your monthly spends, and whatever is left over goes towards your debts. Not to try and wring your spends out of what's left over after your paid the debts.


What ever debt solution you choose eventually, the first things you need to do are pretty much the same.

Stop thinking about joining about GA. You need support from others who've been somewhere near where you are. Contact them today, then think about AA.
 
Do your GP and mental health provider fully know about your past gambling and drinking, and debt issues? They need to if they are to help you effectively.


Then get a new basic bank account, which requires no credit check, and offers no overdraft. Transfer your income payments to that (check your employer's cut off date this month), and then your essential DDs like rent, CT. Cancel all the consumer debt repayments. 

You need to complete a Statement of Affairs, aka budget. You don't have to share here, but  more often than not people omit or minimise spends, which leads them to failure, than over-estimate. And the oldies here can spot those issues.

The aim is first to stabilise your finances, using the SOA and new bank account.  Then to build some emergency funds before choosing a debt solution. You may need additional support to manage having an emergency fund and your other issues.

It takes months for creditors to take any action when you stop paying, but there are things you can do to reduce initial response, so ask here first. Please come back if anything scares you, rather than reacting and then telling us. It's going to be 4-12 months before you need to make decisions.

Your children don't need expensive birthday presents. They'll gain much more living in a home where they know their day to day needs are met consistently and their parent has time for them, rather being overwhelmed by trying to wrangle the impossible. They may have to live with the fact that you may need some time for support, but as long as they have dedicated time, they'll be OK.

Wishing you all well.

Brie

Another thing you can do is get a medical professional complete a debt and mental health evidence form.  Be warned you might be told by a surgery receptionist that you need to pay for this to be completed but that is against the regulations of the British Medical Association.

What a DMHE form should do is stop creditors from harassing you, stop charging interest, stop expecting payments.  Any creditor I've dealt with has been happy to accept these scanned, by email so you don't have to pay for copying a completed form and paying for postage.  

Debt and Mental Health Evidence Form. StepChange

Hermann

Taking the advice given so far to help with your debts is a good start.

From your post it sounds like you suffer from addictions.

Addiction is a disease, your debts are symptoms of that disease. Dealing with those debts will help short term but will not end the addictions long term.

Ideally you need to get help with addiction whilst being aware of 'cross addiction', you may tackle one addiction such as alcohol but that gets replaced by another such as gambling. 

For the best long term outcome, and the best improvement in your mental health you need to tackle the disease ie. addiction rather than just tackling a series of symptoms as they appear.

There are support services available but sadly they can be difficult to access so you need to be strong and tenacious.

Recognising the issue with alcohol and tackling it is a great start and shows you can do this but it will be important for you to understand addiction and how it will transfer to another addictive behaviour.

Find a positive way to motivate yourself to tackle the disease itself, that could be wanting to be the best version of yourself for your children going forward, then explore how you can work towards that goal.

Don't drown in guilt looking back, you can't change the past.

You can however learn by recognising past behaviours and get help to not repeat them. 

Good luck going forward, to have come to this forum and made the original post is a huge step forwards already.