14 months to go!

foxgloves

You're welcome, @honeybee1234, & I hope the anxiety situation improves for you. I found that resilience was really key to getting back to at least approaching normality. I am such a planner & found this helped tremendously. It's still my first weapon of coping in difficult or stressful situations. I am that person whose handbag contains everything that might possibly be needed, my outfit is hanging up from the night before ready to put straight on if I'm anticipating a stressful day. I have a silver bangle which has a nice calming mantra on it (a present from my Mum & Dad - the last year we were all together as a family before my Dad died) which I always wear when I have to do something I'd rather not be doing, food & snacks will be planned so I don't feel wobbly (low blood sugar symptoms can be quite similar to anxiety ones, I find), I make sure I have my phone, emergency numbers, all those things that sound obvious but are all something less to have to worry about if I know a particularly stressful day is looming. Oh & I make sure I choose an outfit in which I feel comfortable & makes me feel good about myself.
Resilience is so important in budget-land too, isn't it? It's those planning things which ensure there is always enough food in the house to cover a few days of emergency, there is an emergency fund....even though this can take time to build up, it is a vital tool to help us cope when life throws us something horrid or tricky. I'm not quite one of these people who seem to be stocking up for a zombie apocalypse, but I do have a power-cut box of torches, candles, tea-lights, camping stove & wind-up lantern. And you can bet I have plenty of loo rolls stashed in the loft in case that silly old nonsense starts again, lol! And you can bet that the snow shovel & scraper are in the car boot for the beginning of November.
So I think that being a planner (I've always got a diary & notebooks on the go) probably helped me with getting back to normal.....that & asking myself 'What is the worst thing that can possibly happen to me?' & realising that the fear was worse than the outing itself. It isn't always easy though, when that voice in your head is creating all those physical panicky symptoms.
Hope you find some gradual improvement in your symptoms. One positive I have found (& I NEVER would have thought I'd say that, as I hated every moment of my spell of GAD) is that I became much better at recognising anxiety/worry symptoms & have thus been able to get on top of them before they have a chance to become more entrenched.
F x

honeybee1234

@foxgloves that was so interesting to read, thanks! It's fascinating because I relate to a lot of the organisational efforts you've discussed - and while you see them as positive... the difference is I see mine as quite negative, as a failing.

I don't see being organised and planning ahead as negative per se, more that I carry them as a heavy weight of my mental health. A side effect of my mental health for me is I have a great deal of need for control over my daily life, which is insidious and creeps into everything. This is why I get so bothered about my financials, it's when I feel out of control of such a fundamental part of everyday life, I struggle a lot. 

I've been working eventualities into my budget - for example, a 'kids' pot to cover the random unpredictables that arise which has helped a lot so far this month! 

Maybe just seeing planning and being organised as a positive tool might be very useful for my mindset, so I'm going to roll with that and see how it goes 😊 Thanks again! 

honeybee1234

This month has been going quite well so far (am I jinxing myself here?!)

Things are rolling out through the month very smoothly so far. I've been sticking to a rough weekly budget for groceries and this is going well (groceries being my arch-nemesis!) I have 101.04 left out of 220.00 - the problem though is I started early and I appear to be a week short 🤔 Will have a think about this.

My 'kids' pot has provided brain relief from the random requests from my children for unpredicted things. It's been dipped into for necessary requests such as emergency bus fares, and I think I'm going to fund this pot regularly from now for the relief it brings. 

Taking a month off overpaying has provided immense breathing space, and allowed me to fund pots I'd been neglecting. I'm not actually behind, I had gotten a month ahead with paying off my M&S card, so I'm back to being precisely on target, but this is fine. 

I've given myself the target of making 50.00 in overpayments myself, and I need to tot this up to see where I am so far

So for today:

>> I may go grocery shopping in a bit, or might go tomorrow depending on how I'm feeling this morning 

>> add up overpayments so far this month

>> check Prolific for available surveys

>> package up and post Vinted sale (again this may be tomorrow depending on how I'm feeling this morning)

>> use up leftover ricotta in a cake

Happy Thursday all! 

foxgloves

That is so interesting, @honeybee1234. I've never seen planning & being organised as a negative or a burden, only ever as a positive thing. I actually enjoy planning & if it helps dial down stressy situations, that's an added bonus. We are all different though & one person's way of tackling things may not suit another person. I guess, as with everything else, the trick is to find whatever works best for us as individuals.
F x

honeybee1234

foxgloves said:

That is so interesting, @honeybee1234. I've never seen planning & being organised as a negative or a burden, only ever as a positive thing. I actually enjoy planning & if it helps dial down stressy situations, that's an added bonus. We are all different though & one person's way of tackling things may not suit another person. I guess, as with everything else, the trick is to find whatever works best for us as individuals.
F x

@foxgloves I'd say it's the weight of feeling "why can't I just do things without feeling this compelling need to plan down to the very last detail?" Obviously planning financials is very prudent - I do get stuck on a need to have things managed to the penny which trips me up a LOT and causes me stress when life happens and my budget is so rigid that something has to give and ruins the budget completely - or that's what it feels like!

The other stuff - I see it as a heavy weight that I can't shed. It's the "why can't I just leave the house? Why do I have to microplan every last aspect?" My partner is very understanding and humours me 99% of the time, the other 1% gives me a brutal but loving truth that I'm being completely irrational and I need to snap out of it! 😊

honeybee1234

I've been absent for a couple of weeks. My budget has collapsed and I'm at least 100.00 down out of next month's pot (my PIP arrived halfway through the month.)

SITUATION:

>> DS1 started college, and there's been a number of expenses I've covered such as bus fares, lunch money and college essentials such as folders/paper/pens/etc. The ex has put in an application to college for support which may provide help with bus fares and possibly other things so we're waiting to hear. Packed lunches have been sorted so we should be okay from now with that.

>> I have two adult children, one of whom has just finished university, has moved into a shared house and is making their way but realising how expensive living as a single adult is. They have x2 jobs and struggle with mental health so I'm constantly wary. I've had a handful of requests for help towards food so I've sent money, and they pay back what they can.

My other adult child has just started university and their maintenance loan doesn't even cover their accommodation fees 😭 They're applying for jobs every day and getting down about not getting responses. I've had to help with money for food.

>> My grocery budget started amazingly... then crashed and burned. I budgeted a week short, and also overspent anyway. I'm looking at receipts this weekend. I keep getting this budget wrong and it's getting me down. The Christmas pot has been raided and this has upset me also. 

honeybee1234

So another month on... 

October has been worse than September 😭 I've been trying desperately to keep my head above water for most of the month.

It's a combination of overspending on groceries and children needing money for various things. DD1 has been struggling despite working two jobs so I've been helping out. DD2 has been struggling at university so I've been helping out. DS1 does his hobby a couple of times a week in the evening so I've been paying for Ubers as my agoraphobia has gotten in the way and his dad's been unable to take him. 

I'm feeling horribly overwhelmed and it's actually starting to get me down. I'm trying to support four children (two adult) on disability benefits and I feel like I'm drowning. I usually take a "it's money, it only does what I tell it to do" approach but I'm constantly feeling like a failure financially. My parents and sister were/are very stable financially and I feel like I'm no further forward than 20 years ago and it's affecting me. 

I have to disappear to do the school run but I'll be back later to try and untangle this mess. 

honeybee1234

After doing the school run, I stopped by Lidl for an extremely modest weekly shop. 27.86 put on the credit card, and not a 27.86 that'll get paid off within the month either 😕

Fortunately I'm covered for a few days' worth as I made a gigantic vegetarian pasta bake yesterday, soup the day before for lunches, and I have porridge or granola for breakfast which I have in. So it's really making it to the end of the month on what I have in, which is pretty much doable, barring buying some more milk into next week.

Soooo... Back to this morning... 

MY CURRENT SITUATION 

I live on my own, and have two teenage boys with care shared between me and my ex. I have two delightful cats, who keep me company 24/7. I live in a two-bed HA house, where I spend most of my time as I don't work due to some crippling mental health issues around agoraphobia. 

Around 5ish years ago, I had to start completely from scratch, and due to my mental health, it's taken a long time to get stable and in a position where I have a house, and then the requisite contents of said house! I've incurred some debt through this process, and I started this diary to track paying off my cards. 

After a few months, it's become apparent that what I'm doing isn't working. I've been putting a LOT of effort into making overpayments, then found that due to other expenses I put on my card, I hadn't made much extra inroads into my debt. I don't have an insane amount of debt, but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels in paying it off, and since my DD started university, it's spiralled. I find myself able to pay bills with no worries; anything else, such as groceries, savings pots and the like are being raided and moved around until I saw my Christmas pot only contains about 44.00, I have nothing in my car maintenance pot with my MOT due at the end of the year, and I've spent 3 out of the last 4 weeks completely disorganised with grocery shopping.

MY THOUGHTS ON IT ALL

This isn't how I want to live my life, and instead of minor changes, I need to look at my life holistically and see where I'm struggling and what I can do. I carry a LOT of mum guilt for not having the boys with me full-time, and I need to deal with that as it's playing into things. I feel a lot of internalised judgement for where I am in my life (as in not being stable financially or emotionally) and how I handle things is often affected by this.

HOW TO HANDLE THIS 

I'm going to spend this weekend picking everything apart because I can't deal with another month of financial stress. It's been incredibly stressful and has started to affect my mental health, so tomorrow I'm going to look at how everything stands, and see how to change things for the better. Hopefully I can identity some positive changes to make! 

foxgloves

Hello @honeybee1234,
Welcome back! I'd been wondering how you were getting on. It sounds as though you have been doing lots of thinking & I hope your planning weekend goes well. If your daily life isn't sustainable from your current income, I think that sounds like a good practical way forward. It may be that your adult children need to understand that you're not in a position to be able to help them financially, but that you will always support & be there for them.in other ways - a warm bed for the night, a hot meal, a listening ear, emotional support, etc. I agree that strong emotions, including guilt, fear, etc, can have a bearing on other aspects of life & decision making.
It sounds as though your financial situation is adding significantly to stress levels, so I hope your planning weekend helps you see a way through. I am a great believer in "When the going gets tough, the tough get planning". Good luck with it & I hope you have a better month to come.
F x