14 months to go!

honeybee1234

After declaring yesterday an "I'm doing nothing" day, DP decided he wanted to go to the gym and that I should come too as it'd help me feel a bit better. This week has been busy, and my brain can only tolerate a finite amount of obligations before it shuts down - unfortunately this is the way of my mental health and the pattern is very, very predictable.

So I put on my gym things and off we went. I didn't get through a full workout but I did feel good for doing it. Got back and after a shower did some housework and caught up on here, I like to spend a bit of time reading people's diaries to see what people are up to, how they manage their situations and provide a (hopefully!) helpful post here and there. It helps keep me in the moneysaving mindset!

Yesterday was a mixed bag with moneysaving activity. DS2 went out with his friends and asked for a sum total of £29. He's normally quite a homebody so I was pleased, but I had to take the money from my bits and bobs pot that I use for Vinted. I'm realising it's the kids that are blowing my budget lol! I do a bit of "guilt treating" around the kids because me and my ex are divorced so I have a constant underlying feeling of guilt. It's not loads in the scheme of things but I really need to get a grip of this. I have a "kids" pot but it went in two weeks and I need to work out how to handle requests for money when I really can't afford it 😔

honeybee1234

Moneysaving wins yesterday and today (small but looking on the bright side!) 

-sold an item on Vinted, 9.00 to eventually go onto the M&S card

- Prolific survey done @ 1.50

- today will be a NSD

- dinner of bean/chicken grills, broccoli and wedges, using up potatoes from last week's shop

Today's plan consists of working on my August budget, I need to amend some amounts for pots (kids, car) and decide how much to put aside for summer holiday activities. At some point I will be having a call with the ex to discuss the holidays and practical arrangements over where the children are when, sorting out who's paying for what, and ticking off uniform needs. Luckily things are very amicable and arrangements are generally quite flexible so things tend to go well with sorting stuff out. 

honeybee1234

So yesterday I was looking at my August budget, and I had such a stress over it that I had to step away and take another look today 😳

I have a small list of things to either pay for or put money aside for, and I can't fit all of them in. I've really dropped the ball this year with my pots to cover expenses and I'm so cross at myself!

>> garden - I wanted to get a small amount of work done to make the outside space more usable. My house is small and more space would be a godsend. 

>> school uniform - I usually save a little every month but I've had to raid the pots through the year so it's empty. Luckily all the logo'd stuff still fits so it's covering shirts/trousers/socks/PE joggers/school shoes. This will be discussed with the ex soon to see how the land lies and how we can divide this up.

>> summer holiday activities - I usually have the kids with me extra during the week which I enjoy and takes the pressure off the ex with them being at work in the week. I'm pretty good at sourcing free or low cost activities but as they get older, what they like to do evolves. I've got a shortlist of budget-friendly ideas so it's really seeing how much can I reasonably put towards that over August?

>> kids pot - I created a new pot to cover unexpected kids' expenses as this *always* crops up at some point during the month in different forms! 😱

So far this month I've unexpectedly shelled out for:
= 1x Uber
= 1x trip out for DS2 with friends
= spending money for DS2 on a school trip
= DS1 prom money for drinks

plus a handful of smaller bits. 

Part of the issue is the kids come to me when they need money for something, or it's me a lot of the time keeping track of any random expenses, and so I pay out just because it's easier than interrupting the ex at work, and I'm terrible at chasing things up. 

The issue is that there is quite a gap between our incomes, and while I can plan ahead for expenses, I don't have a large amount of discretionary income. So if it happens near the start of the month, great! If not, then it's practically a certainty I'll be robbing a pot in order to ensure they have cash for whatever it is. And it's not sustainable as halfway through the year I'm now left with an array of pots, most of which have no useful amount in. 

As well as that, I've just had to shell out for an unexpected car expense 😭 So that's left a, measly amount in my savings pot and now I'm panicking! 

I shall take a look at the budget again either later or tomorrow with fresh eyes after discussing with the ex and see what I need to do. 

honeybee1234

Another early morning for me today. Have woken up very much in a moneysaving frame of mind so have been checking the accounts and seeing how everything is ticking over. 

Today we (me, DP and the kids) are off to town to the cinema to see the new Jurassic World film. DP has very kindly paid for the tickets, we've used our Meerkat codes so it's 2 x 5.99 plus booking fee, 6.99 each.

May pop into Primark to look at shorts for the boys - I've been trying to get them some from one of the children's ranges to keep the price down, but they're growing out of our usual brands, so I may have to bite the bullet and get a small size from the adult range at Primark or elsewhere. I have some money left in the clothing pot so we shall see what's in town.

We have to pop to the shop to pick up milk so will get some cheap cinema snacks and drinks to take along. Then pay for parking. So a relatively low cost outing which all of us enjoy. 

 Tea later is leftover pasta, we've managed to stretch this out to three days to take us close to shopping day on Friday. I have crashed and burned *hard* and am completely out of grocery funds so DP has offered to cover it, which I am very grateful for! DP is often here at teatimes and so I was considering asking him for a small donation to cover a portion of groceries each month. He doesn't live here and I really notice the difference when he's at home, he absolutely eats for two whereas I can easily stretch things out for days!

For some reason I feel horribly awkward asking him, which is in no way a reflection on him. A few years ago, I was in a very abusive relationship, an element of which involved him coercing me to spend my money on his various things. I was like a second income to him, and it felt like I was drowning financially because saying 'no' to his requests wasn't worth the treatment I would get.

DP already pays for his particular foods, but I realised I'm actually subsidising a whole adult on some mealtimes. For example, I said previously I was happy to pay for things where I'd be buying for the boys or everyone anyway, eg large packs of chicken, minced beef, pasta, rice etc, but DP has at least a double portion of everything so I was considering asking him for a contribution after looking at what he's had from the last month. So we shall see how this works out! 

honeybee1234

Moneysaving progress! 

>> Yesterday I transferred 8.99 from my Vinted sale last week onto the M&S card. This leaves a total of 256.12, with the last payment due September 1st.

>> I cancelled my PureGym membership, so - 20.99 each month. We're considering trialling the local gym which is a lot closer, but not made a firm decision yet.

>> Received my updated V5 for the car
I applied for free car tax due to my PIP mobility, so that's - 14.00 per month.

>> I'll be asking DSs to pay for their Netflix account from next month. I pay for the basic package for them, but as I'm also giving them pocket money, I think it's a life lesson to have a small amount of responsibility to pay a bill. It's 5.99 split between them so a relatively small amount each.

I'm considering pausing my overpayment to my M&S card in August so I can have funds for summer holiday activities. It'd be 146.00 in the pot, and I've already adjusted the direct debit to the minimum for August in preparation. I'm simultaneously feeling like it's worth it to be able to get out with the kids, but a little disappointed that I wouldn't be making that overpayment. I do need to have some kind of healthy balance here I feel, I don't want to skip a whole summer with them just to make an overpayment. 

honeybee1234

Had a lovely afternoon yesterday going to the cinema with DP and the DSs to see Jurassic World Rebirth, at the cinema in town. Did have to pay for parking, but we used x2 Meerkat codes to get x2 free tickets and took our own snacks. Think DS2 was miffed he didn't get a slushie, but I must remember to tell him he can use his pocket money to buy something if he wants to!

DP paid for it which was a nice thing to do, so technically a no spend day for me. I do like a wander round town, but I know I get tempted to buy little bits and bobs that I wouldn't otherwise get, so we headed straight home after. 

Dinner was leftover pasta. DP treated us to some Asda brand cookie dough ice cream which we decided was a very respectable (and cheaper!) alternative to Ben and Jerry's, and only cost 1.89. Have put it on the mental list of "acceptable alternatives" for treats! 

Today is a quiet day. We're going to Al*i for a fairly lightweight weekly shop. DP is coming as he's offered to pay, and he has a very low tolerance for grocery shopping, which actually works out well. He takes a copy of the shopping list, and we divide it up, and he whizzes around, picking up everything at lightning quick speed. I'm more of a thoughtful shopper and like to take a moment here and there to mentally compare prices, so he basically takes everything else and grabs it while I'm doing mental maths. We've done a weekly big shop in 30 minutes before - it went surprisingly well! So we shall see how it goes. 

I have 9.00 in my Vnted balance, which will be transferred over to the M&S card, and will have a look on Prolific to see what's going on there. 

honeybee1234

The kids are here this weekend. We've

had a quiet couple of days, we've been watching films all snuggly on the sofa. Surprisingly, I had both DSs downstairs with me on Saturday evening and not on their xboxes! 

One evening last month, I was in the kitchen cleaning up, and was talking to DP in the living room about how DS2 had watched a film with us the evening prior, and how much I loved him spending time with us of an evening. I walked back into the living room, and DS2 was sat there watching a bit of TV 😇 I didn't know he was there, and he didn't say anything, but ever since, he's regularly come down in the evening to sit with us, which is lovely.

DP was talking to me about my money saving endeavours, and suggested what if I continue to overpay the M&S card, but pause the overpayments on the months that the children are off school so I have an automatic budget for activities? I would still overpay by way of incidentals such as Prolific, cashback from TCB and Chase, roundups from my Chase account, Vnted and anything else that comes up, but would adjust the direct debit at the start of the month to reflect that it's just the minimum payment that month 🤔

It's something I'm considering this week as we look towards August so will update later in the week on this. 

I'm currently feeling *horribly* guilty about not having a holiday this year. The boys have asked, and I've explained money is tight. I don't know what the ex is doing as they have a propensity to wing it - when I asked last month, the ex had no plans for a holiday nor had booked any time off, however based on past years I'm fully expecting a last-minute holiday after leaving me to sort everything else over the holidays. 

I'm adamant that next year we'll go away somewhere, so that's something I need to factor into the budget somehow. 

honeybee1234

The last few days have been very quiet moneywise. No overpayments nor Vnted sales. It's the last stretch before the new month and everything resets so am waiting with anticipation!

I'll do a review at the end of the month - the M&S card is still on track to be paid off a month early on September 1st, though this may revert back to the original date of October 1st if I skip the regular overpayment at the start of next month. Hard decision, but would allow me more freedom for plans with the boys over the summer holidays. What to do?