14 months to go!

honeybee1234

joedenise said:

It's fine having a holiday when you've got debt as long as you save up for it and don't add to your debt which you would if you used a credit card.  Having said that it's worth putting the deposit on a credit card for the protection it gives but make sure you pay it off in full.

At the start of the year I actually was saving towards booking a little break in the summer holidays, but looking back I was trying to cover too many things at once and realised a couple of months in that I was stretching myself way too thin. The savings went towards other things that were needed more. 

It's hit me now really. I can miss a holiday without feeling bothered, but I feel so bad for both DSs. It's worse because my ex has been taking long weekends away here and there but hasn't taken the boys away. The boys haven't said anything but they must notice. 

I'm generally feeling rubbish about this and other things atm but trying to keep my head up 😊

weenancyinAmerica

I think the pricing on the housing is, because so many students drop out, the places want to get their money upfront. Then if the student makes it halfway, the landlords have already covered most of their bills, and aren't as stringent the second half.

honeybee1234

weenancyinAmerica said:

I think the pricing on the housing is, because so many students drop out, the places want to get their money upfront. Then if the student makes it halfway, the landlords have already covered most of their bills, and aren't as stringent the second half.

Makes sense @weenancyinAmerica and I had pondered this also! If we can work through this first year, then they can find a shared house in the second year and costs will drop all being well 🤞🏻

Woken up bright and early by the cats 😭

I have the boys here, and as we've had a quiet long weekend so far, I'm contemplating us venturing out somewhere outdoors locally, for a wander and maybe a bit of crazy golf.

I'm feeling apprehensive as my brain isn't keen on leaving the house and is telling me it's an awful idea and chucking bucket loads of adrenaline and anxiety at me so I feel sick, but I'm trying to push myself as I know being outdoors does help... The irony is not lost on me!

We have plenty in to take out for drinks and snacks if we do go out, and tea later is leftovers from yesterday's Sunday dinner.

Later I'll be revising my cc totals and pondering the budget again, so we'll see what I come up with. 

Have a good bank holiday Monday everyone! 

honeybee1234

Morning all!

We didn't end up going out yesterday as mentioned... I couldn't do it in the end so we all chilled out at home. I did my jobs and mowed the lawn, then perused September's budget for a while before indulging in some Netflix for a bit. 

Tea was leftovers from Sunday dinner - DSs used to complain about having the same thing two days in a row, but now accept that's what happens! I plan my week's meals like this, three different meals, make enough for at least two days' of each, then the last day is 'easy tea' - something from the freezer, anything in the fridge that needs using up, or an easy quick tea of beans on toast, jacket potato etc.

Feel mad at myself for spending the entire long weekend at home... Very moneysaving, but my mental health obstructs taking the boys out and I hate it. Weekends are always tricky as my brain thinks "loads of people out = avoid" anyway... Am vastly over-simplifying as obviously agoraphobic symptoms are a bit more than that and also very changeable but you get the gist!

I'm waiting on (more) therapy as something has to change.. I'm on a waiting list for therapy which should be coming round in September all being well but I fear it's not going to be enough and I'm going to need to pay for specialist therapy so we'll see how it goes once I get my spot.

Today is another quiet day - I'm going to do my end-of-month review and call in what the ex owes which is around £60ish, and finish the September budget. 

honeybee1234

Morning all!

Yesterday was a good day. We went out to a local National Trust place, using a free pass I picked up online last month. Every fibre in my being was telling me to stay inside the house, but I pushed through and made it out.

We had a wander around the house and the grounds, the boys found the house really interesting. It's a very historical place and was fascinating to look round. We walked around the grounds, and later on found a spot for a picnic lunch, only spends were an ice cream each for the boys as the free pass covered everything! 

Herein comes my post-going-out hibernation - it's a whole thing whereby after going out my brain just implodes and I have to decompress by staying in for a few days. I spent some time yesterday still puzzling over my budget, and I've decided to half my overpayment to my M&S card this month and next month, which will give me an extra £85 in the budget.

I'll use this for getting my various pots more established and will be able to fund my emergency fund, which is currently standing at 205.00 which makes me very nervous every time I look at it!

Today involves:

>> catching up with housework that has been neglected through mental health being low

>> menu plan and shopping list

>> stock check of toiletries and what needs buying (hair dye, shower gel and moisturiser definitely needed) then check prices online

>> keep an eye out for a H&M discount - I get these regularly and the boys really like their basic t shirts, but they've stepped up to the adult sizes so want to cushion the blow somewhat. DS1 needs more for going to college. 

honeybee1234

Happy late September!

The new month brings a sitrep. Current totals are:

M&S: 161.22
Nationwide: 410.19
Capital One: 1203.60
Virgin: 1366.86

CURRENT DEBT TOTAL: 3141.87 😱

Was feeling a little disheartened last week as I calculated that between the overpayments I've made since April, and the cost of spending on school uniform, balance transfer fee to keep everything at 0% and other bits... I've balanced out at the amount actually paid off being pretty much exactly the minimum payments.

I'm trying to take it as a win as it *is* £300+ off the debt total but it's a lesson to me to be stringent in my pots because it's not like the kids haven't needed uniform for the last 10+ years! 😳

DS1 started college this week, and DS2 is back to school. I've always loved the school holidays, and  the silence when they go back is deafening. I've resolved to put more in the 'activities' pot to save for next summer so we have more funds available for "fun stuff." I have therapy coming up in the next month or two (fingers crossed!) so hoping to dig into my agoraphobic symptoms more and see if I can make progress. I have pushed myself but it's clear that forcing myself to go out isn't actually resolving anything despite what various voices say - I'm just being out still accompanied by the symptoms and it's horrible to be so detached from what's going on around me at times. 

I am on dog walking duty today as DP is at home, this is hopefully fairly manageable if I go out early and on a route I feel comfortable with. Later there will be baking as DSs are here and DS1 wants to make caramel shortbread so we're giving that a try. Not made it before so should be fun to see what we come up with! 

Rest of the day will be lovely relaxing with the boys, watching films with snacks and an easy tea - have a few options but not decided what yet.

Enjoy your Saturday! 

foxgloves

@honeybee1234 - There was a time just before I married Mr F (the two things were not related btw!) when I had several months of anxiety disorder.... I'd say about a year. I recognise what you describe about difficulties in being able to leave the house & send my sympathies. I had never had any mental health issues until then so it was a big shock to the system. 
F x

honeybee1234

Thanks @foxgloves. Sorry to hear that happened to you - did it dissipate naturally, or did you have any treatment for it? I'm diagnosed and have had various therapies and meds but not managed to conquer it unfortunately. It's up and down so what I can do varies wildly from week to week. 

So yesterday was very low key as planned. Stayed in watching films, snuggled on the sofa under quilts and throws - think both DSs were exhausted from the transition from summer holidays mode to school/college mode!

We didn't do baking but that's planned for this morning now. I made choc chip cookies a few days ago which have lasted so we've been good for sweet treats, but we're about out now so onto the next!

Later today we'll be visiting family - this is always fun and involves no spends so a pretty inexpensive weekend all in!

I decided to have a month off my regular overpayment to my M&S card, so I have 171.91 extra in my budget.

I've budgeted for my pots as most were looking very sparse, ticked a handful of household items off that have been on my list from Ikea using a coupon, and am able to buy the boys new clothes (still waiting for a H&M 15% off!) I realised I hadn't budgeted for my emergency fund, simply out of habit as I'd been throwing everything at overpaying M&S, but I realised this is a terrible idea and the repercussions should I find myself with a financial emergency - ie I'd need to use a card 😱 So I'm going to transfer around 50.00 to the emergency fund. This will make it 255.00 - I'm not anywhere near 1000.00 yet but 50.00 closer is positive momentum so I'm happy with that! 

foxgloves

Well, @honeybee1234, the answer is that I tried to manage it on my own & failed, as it took me a while to realise that a spell of physical illness (which is actually what triggered the awful anxiety) had in fact become a MH problem. I didn't recognise this at the time because I had never had any such issues before & I didn't have depression, which I know can often go hand-in-hand with anxiety. My GP at the time was supremely unhelpful (he actually asked me "Can't you talk yourself out of it?") & being the assertive type, I insisted on changing doctors. My new one was great, explained that yes, symptoms had changed & what I was now experiencing was a form of panic attack. I was put on a fairly low dose of citalopram which was gradually reduced as things improved. Did the anxiety naturally dissipate? Yes, but it took about a year for me to feel confident going out on my own, so I had to practise this. Fortunately I was planning our wedding at the time, so had lots of nice stuff to keep me busy. I was already living with Mr F, & he was really supportive. I was able to go back to work, which involved quite a lot of public speaking, including to large groups & was ok with all that. I do have just the last vestiges of it, in that I avoid situations where I feel shut in, so I like an aisle seat at the theatre, for example, & won't ever use lifts.......although thinking about it, I've hated lifts since my teens, so that's one closed-in space which defo pre-dates the anxiety. 
A few years ago, one of my best friends & my Dad died the same year, followed by my Mum a year later. Mum's demise was particularly difficult & stressful and I was really worried that the anxiety/panic disorder would return, but it didn't, so I took this as a good sign that the coping strategies I put in place while I was struggling with it before, must be doing the trick. It doesn't worry me at all that I can't go in a lift or get jittery about being able to enjoy a play or concert if I am sitting in the middle of a row because I can choose not to put myself in those few situations. Compared with the agoraphobia I developed as a result of that original period of anxiety, these are tiny things & simply don't matter. I did get back to being able to go out & about as normal & I think that is what you are asking me. Hope this helps a little.
F x

honeybee1234

Thankyou @foxgloves for your really thoughtful answer. It's so interesting to hear how you dealt with it. Life deals us some testing times and you sound like although it was hard, you also have a degree of resilience which is something I find difficult generally but am working on it! There's definitely a couple of things I've taken from your response to contemplate for myself so I really appreciate it, thankyou. 

Today I have a few bits to deal with. I'm at home today, and have been making a list to tackle:

>> balance the books - DS1 has given me some of his pocket money in cash, and I've transferred the equivalent to his account so he can order some sports equipment for his hobby. I need to pay the cash in at some point this week

>> fridge audit - have leftover pasta to have for tea, and some bits that need freezing

>> check refund that I'm awaiting for a faulty shelf and that it's allocated to the correct account

>> phone call to the housing association - my kitchen cupboards and fittings are in a bit of a state. Not my fault I might add! It's a good 20+ years old, and is showing its age in a number of different places so I'm hoping to plead my case and see what happens. I'm not holding out much hope but I've checked the criteria and I could possibly be eligible so we shall see!

Have a good Monday all!