Arranging Two Separate Funerals Under Contention

sheramber

Like  Soendkess I think  that both persons want the coffin at their funeral service and the  OP is suggesting the coffin at both funerals. 

There is no mention  of a memorial service. 

I can also anticipate an argument as to who gets the coffin and funeral and who gets the ashes and memorial service., assuming it is a cremation. 

RAS

Marcon said:

Wouldn't the simplest answer to be let your brother arrange the funeral (where the body is present) at a time and place of his choosing, and you have a memorial service at a time and place of your choosing, with each of you paying for your own 'event' (sorry, couldn't think of the right word)? You've summed it up in your post above:

You don't need someone's mortal remains to be there, so why pick a fight you aren't going to win - and which doesn't even need to develop? Discuss that with your mother and then tell your brother of your decision, which hopefully will give you some sense of control and make this unwelcome approach a little more palatable.

This. Take back the power. Your brother is relishing the attention and anxiety he is causing. You can remove his power by rejecting his narrative and making you own.

A rellie left instructions that they were to be cremated where they now lived and their ashes scattered where they used to live. Their old friends and neighbours were upset, so we combined the private ash scattering with a memorial service in their old place of residence. There weren't enough seats, we had some formal prayers, lots of memories and stories, laughed, cried and then reminisced together at a wake. It was so much better as a celebration of their life than the rigour of a short crem service.