Financial advice now husband has said he wants a divorce

WindfallWendy

Asking for a friend - whose husband over the last week or two has stated that he has decided he needs to live for himself rather than constantly providing for his family and taking a backseat in his own life. He has said "we are getting a divorce" and decided a timeline of things which will happen. He is demanding things of my friend and throwing bills at her to pay, and also expecting her to sign up to a remortgage with an equity release to clear over £30k of his own debts.

I've told her not to sign up to an equity release arrangement on the remortgage because that is obvious, but the situation is precarious and I wondered if anyone else had ideas or experiences which could help.

Bills - the husband has controlled all the bills in the house so she hasn't a clue how much is paid for things (there is no joint account). He let the council tax fall into arrears by 2 months and made her pay it last week for fear of it going to magistrates. Apparently he hasn't got the money to cover this bill for some reason. If bills fall into further arrears because he has decided he doesn't want to be responsible any more, what can she do to try and avoid things getting infinitely worse?

Property - they own a flat (which has tenants) together and a house (which they live in). He doesn't seem interested in leaving the house, but she can't afford to move out. Needless to say, she isn't happy being in the same house as him, but what can she do?

Child - they have a child who is of course picking up on things. She doesn't want to leave her child behind and her husband is often away with work so can't be relied on. Also he has started taking random time away from the family not telling her where he is, so further being unreliable as a parent. How does she get out of the living arrangement or make it better, without money whilst also trying to do the best for her child?

There is a lot more behind all this bit it would be so helpful get views and advice from anyone on here. She has had a free consultation with a solicitor and thinks she will have to get more advice and start paying solicitor fees, but again she hasn't money to pay for this. Her salary is half of what he earns though she is able to use the rental income to cover some costs.

Exodi

What are the debts for? Are there any mortgages or are both properties owned outright? How old is the child?

To look at it from the other side, it is plain to see why he may feel weighed down by his obligations to provide when your friend is seemingly also working and doesn't have any idea how much is paid for things. If she earns half of what he does, does she send at least send him something towards the bills? I guess it's not important now.

If your friend is worried about council tax falling into arrears, she could pay it directly. Looking out from the short term, from the brief details above it might just be easier to just sell both properties, split the proceeds and then they'd both (hopefully) have enough for a new start. She may be also be entitled to benefits and child maintenance.

These things are always better to sort out directly than through solicitors - because in the latter you won't need to quibble over who gets what, as the solicitors will take the lot.

If it's still fresh, then the best thing to do would be to wait a few days/weeks for the dust the settle and tempers to calm before addressing it with a clear head.

RAS

OK, she might find www.wikivorce.com a useful resource, even before she talks to a solicitor because they help her understand the questions she needs to ask.

I'm gathering that the friend has some work, some income and her own, secure, bank account? Good. 

All assets of the marriage will be considered, so both houses, even if in his sole name. Can she check whether the houses are joint tenancies or tenants in common if they are jointly owned, use the gov.uk website. Also both pensions, debts and any other assets etc and future earning potential. Where does the rental money go? Is the tax situation entirely up to date?

With a child and lower earning potential, she may get more than 50% of the total. She also needs to check what the situation is regarding benefits, but if she owns the rental, it's complicated.

Is he self-employed or salaried?

Brie

How old are they both?  If under 55 equity release may not be possible and given the circumstances even if they are above that age it may not be advisable.  Even the fact they have a young (?) child may affect this.  

How equity release works and risks involved - MSE

and if he is disappearing without a reason I would suspect there's someone else in the equation on his side.

BrilliantButScary

Hope the following link might be helpful:

https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/divorce-and-separation.aspx

Your friend, if she has not already, needs to gather together all the information she can on her and her husband's financial situation. I would suggest that she goes through all the paperwork in the house, does she have access to his email? Your friend needs to take charge of the situation, this man is no longer 'in her corner' and probably hasn't been for some time.

You state there is a lot more behind this and if I was to hazard a guess, it would be mental illness, substance misuse, gambling or another person. 

Obviously, if your friend's husband needs any help with his mental health, substance misuse, gambling, he will have to want to engage in this and your friend will need to decide if she wants to support him. This may not change his mind as to whether he stays in the marriage.

WindfallWendy

Thanks so much for useful questions and pointers.

They are both younger than 40.
The child is in primary school.
One of the biggest debts is for a loan he took out to give to a member of his family. 
The flat and the house both have mortgages on them of 25+ years. Both are owned as joint tenants (or whichever is 'normal').
She hasn't had oversight of any finances because he has chosen to control these things. As a family unit that seems fair enough since he was building his career, earning money and she was raising their child and out of the workforce a bit. She keeps the house and child running, pays one of the mortgages (using rental income) and pays a loan of her own, and towards some of his debt too.
The equity release is just from a remortgage and borrowing more against the value of the flat (LTV approx 60% and he wants to take it closer to 85%), to consolidate his loans. 

I don't know, but I feel sure there are mental health issues at play and I am worried about gambling too. 

Other complicating features are ties my friend has to another country. She holds a British passport but was funded by another government to undertake some qualifications, so now she is paying that back. If she defaults on repayment she will have to leave the UK and go and work in a different country when her child is settled here. 

Keep_pedalling

WindfallWendy said:

Thanks so much for useful questions and pointers.

They are both younger than 40.
The child is in primary school.
One of the biggest debts is for a loan he took out to give to a member of his family. 
The flat and the house both have mortgages on them of 25+ years. Both are owned as joint tenants (or whichever is 'normal').
She hasn't had oversight of any finances because he has chosen to control these things. As a family unit that seems fair enough since he was building his career, earning money and she was raising their child and out of the workforce a bit. She keeps the house and child running, pays one of the mortgages (using rental income) and pays a loan of her own, and towards some of his debt too.
The equity release is just from a remortgage and borrowing more against the value of the flat (LTV approx 60% and he wants to take it closer to 85%), to consolidate his loans. 

I don't know, but I feel sure there are mental health issues at play and I am worried about gambling too. 

Other complicating features are ties my friend has to another country. She holds a British passport but was funded by another government to undertake some qualifications, so now she is paying that back. If she defaults on repayment she will have to leave the UK and go and work in a different country when her child is settled here. 

I would not say that this is not ‘fair enough’ sounds more like financial abuse to me. 

WindfallWendy

He seems to have taken on the bills and she has paid him money when asked to. I don't quite understand why a joint account wasn't set up for these things but I guess different couples manage money in different ways.

Suffice to say, when her salary goes in, it disappears immediately to cover loans, mortgages, and the overdraft which develops each month as she covers school expenses, food and travel.

BrilliantButScary

Is your friend in a union? i.e. Unison, RCN etc, as that could be another source of information and support.

Are the husband and wife from the same culture, was she in agreement that a loan should be taken out for the benefit of one of his relatives?

Other useful sources of information might be:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/immigration/get-help/get-immigration-advice/

WindfallWendy

The family loan was pretty reckless actually.  Family member paid a deposit on the house purchase and signed a document confirming it was a gift, not a loan. 

But then the family member decided they wanted their money back so he had to take out two loans to cover the 'refund'. It's a clear red flag to me that he was reckless with his family's finances, reassuring my friend it would be fine. But of course that's a bit He Said, She Said. I read somewhere that assets are joint but debts are individual and particularly given the family member has signed legal paperwork saying it was a gift, I don't think he should have paid this person back and landed the family in more debt.

RAS

OK, can your friend get hold of a copy of the signed document indicating that the deposit was a gift?

It helps if your friend knows whether the properties are held as joint tenancies or tenants in common.

Joint tenancy means that they both own 100% and if one dies, the survivor inherits the whole property, regardless.

Tenants in common means that each owns an agreed percentage if the property. If there is no document defining the percentage then the expectation is 50:50.

It will cost £7.00 to get the basic documents for each property from the Land Registry using the gov.uk website.