Financial advice now husband has said he wants a divorce

Cobbler_tone

Sounds a total mess and having experienced a drawn out divorce gave me PTSD! 
Feel sorry for the child. There will be someone else involved, it is almost a guarantee. Not that this will make any difference to the settlement.
I would advise getting as much information together as possible and find a solicitor. I never buy that someone 'can't afford it'. There are ways to get money and it is genuinely a hardship case they can qualify for legal aid. They almost can't afford NOT to have one. There is enough info in there to know that it isn't going to sort itself.
In a few years time (I suspect it will take years) any decision would absolutely take the needs of the child into account and you most certainly shouldn't be signing anything in relation to a divorce without beginning to formulate a financial settlement. They sounds miles off it but the ideal scenario is to have mediation first, which can cut the legal bills dramatically. 
There are assets there, without the talk of any pensions etc. I'd suggest she also looks at ways of maximising her own earnings potential, as they have a joint responsibility in that regard. It sounds as though she is the one who receives the rental income, if they don't have a joint account. 

itsthelittlethings

I was about to mention mediation.

WindfallWendy

Thanks everyone.

I joined a meeting with my friend and a solicitor today, which was a free scene setting meeting. 

It is so difficult as I think she still has some hope that this isn't really happening, but he doesn't even wear his wedding ring now, but still doesn't use the word 'divorce' which is making her paranoid about even agreeing to it, since he is blaming her for anything and everything at the moment. 

He has told his family this is happening too. He is from another country and has apparently sought legal advice over there and learnt he could get a divorce within 2 weeks. But jurisdiction is here so he needs to accept that and get these fanciful ideas of getting his freedom out of his head.

More than anything my friend wants him out of the family home but obviously that isn't happening as he's just living however he wants. It's horrible to have to see my friend who was so happy and cheerful be turned into a sad and frightened person. 

markie_127

Your friend is right to be worried — this is a really tough situation, but there are steps she can take.

1. Don’t sign any mortgage or equity release papers
If the house is in both names, her ex can’t remortgage or release equity without her consent. She should definitely not agree to take on debt that’s his alone, especially not over £30k. Always get legal advice before signing anything.

2. Take back control of finances where possible
If he’s stopped paying bills, she can contact the providers (like council tax or utilities) and ask to take the accounts into her name. This helps her avoid enforcement action if he continues not paying. She can also open her own bank account and start redirecting her income.

3. Housing – he can’t kick her out
If they jointly own the house, he has no right to force her out, and she has every right to stay. If things get toxic or threatening, she could apply for an occupation order, even if there’s no violence. She can also log a Home Rights Notice if she’s not on the deeds (though it sounds like she is).

4. Keep track of parenting issues
If he’s disappearing, being unreliable with childcare or not putting their child first, she should start keeping a record. That can be useful later in case she needs a formal child arrangements order or to claim child maintenance.

5. She can get legal help even without much money
There’s help available from Citizens Advice, Rights of Women, LawWorks and others. She might qualify for help with court fees too. Some family law firms offer fixed-fee divorce and consent order services instead of paying hourly rates.

If they can’t agree on finances, she can apply for a court order to divide the assets fairly. A lot of people go through this — she’s not alone, and she has more rights than she might think.

WindfallWendy

Thank you @markie_127 - and everyone again.

My friend is still being pressured to release equity in their jointly owned flat. So far she has managed to put him off.
I've suggested the advice above to get her name onto all the bills and to explore what kind of financial hardship offers her utilities and mortgage company can give her. 
I have advised her to get the flat sold (as has her solicitor) but I'm not sure her husband has thought that as an option and I'm not sure she has dared to suggest it. 
She is petrified that her husband will let all the bills of the house they are living in, fall into arrears if she doesn't do what he says. 
But my hope is that if they can move a flat sale along quickly then these bills can be cleared and over the same kind of time period, the divorce and financial settlement can go through. 

He seems to think everything will be 50/50 but given he isn't going to be looking after their child and he says she should have the family home, but his earnings are more than twice of hers, I think the courts will probably think otherwise. This was the view of the solicitor she talked to at least. I don't really understand the issues, but if he's really thinking of his child, then hopefully he will realise that his view of what he is owed probably isn't going to be the way things pan out.

RAS

Has the solicitor talked about pension sharing? They can be more valuable than equity.

WindfallWendy

My friend doesn't know what kind of pension her husband has. Apparently he mentioned it to her, she didn't catch what he said but then said he was only joking. He has also said he has various shares/investments in companies which he doesn't intend to share with her.

Jude57

WindfallWendy said:

My friend doesn't know what kind of pension her husband has. Apparently he mentioned it to her, she didn't catch what he said but then said he was only joking. He has also said he has various shares/investments in companies which he doesn't intend to share with her.

He won't have the option to not share information with your friend when (not if) a Judge orders it. If he fails to comply with the Judge's order, or doesn't reveal all his assets, he could find himself charged with contempt of Court or even perjury and further failure to comply could result in him being imprisoned. It's not a route most people would want to take but if I were your friend, I wouldn't be warning him about that. She should, as others have advised, father as much evidence of his assets as possible and keep the evidence away from home, with a trusted friend or colleague of even, if it's secure, in her desk or locker at work.

Your friend's husband isn't going to be able to get Equity Release from any reputable company because, quite simply, he's not old enough. To protect her interests in the properties and to ensure he can't do anything underhand without her being aware, she should register for a property alert for each one, see more information here:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/property-alert

Be careful to use the links on the above site or be sure that your friend is using the legitimate Land Registry site because of course there are loads of lookalike sites which will charge a fee for something that is actually free.

Exodi

WindfallWendy said:

The family loan was pretty reckless actually.  Family member paid a deposit on the house purchase and signed a document confirming it was a gift, not a loan. 

But then the family member decided they wanted their money back so he had to take out two loans to cover the 'refund'. It's a clear red flag to me that he was reckless with his family's finances, reassuring my friend it would be fine. But of course that's a bit He Said, She Said. I read somewhere that assets are joint but debts are individual and particularly given the family member has signed legal paperwork saying it was a gift, I don't think he should have paid this person back and landed the family in more debt.

Mmm, this sounds controversial, though I don't blame forum posters for sticking to the technical position that a gifted deposit declaration form was signed (as I see your friend is).

A family member paid the deposit on the house, and the husband has taken out loans to reimburse them. We can't be sure if the family member woke up one day and decided they wanted paying back, or if that was the intention all along, but personally I find your friends position that the equity in the house is half hers a tad cheeky (in recent posts, pushing for more than half), while simultaneously ignoring the fact that a significant part of the equity was provided by someone else and all the while refusing any responsibility for the loan that was effectively for the equity she stakes a claim to.

It still needs clarifying whether they own as joint tenants or tenants in common and of course I understand the technical argument (a gifted deposit declaration was signed) but it doesn't feel very fair. It reminds me of the threads where one person puts in everything, one person puts in nothing, but the house is purchased as joint tenants, and the one who puts in nothing then walks away with half the deposit, because 'technically joint tenants' or 'technically gifted deposit' in this case.

If your friend is already talking to a solicitor and pushing for more than half the equity and refuting the loan, it sounds like she's already geared up, it sounds like she's not considering bending over backwards as others imply. In fact, it may end up getting quite expensive given the above as I expect the ex will feel (morally) aggrieved and push this through solicitors also.

Unfortunate, because as I said at the start, "these things are always better to sort out directly than through solicitors - because in the latter you won't need to quibble over who gets what, as the solicitors will take the lot."

Solicitors always tell their clients they're each entitled to the world, they have a conflict of interest.

Cobbler_tone

Exodi said:

WindfallWendy said:

The family loan was pretty reckless actually.  Family member paid a deposit on the house purchase and signed a document confirming it was a gift, not a loan. 

But then the family member decided they wanted their money back so he had to take out two loans to cover the 'refund'. It's a clear red flag to me that he was reckless with his family's finances, reassuring my friend it would be fine. But of course that's a bit He Said, She Said. I read somewhere that assets are joint but debts are individual and particularly given the family member has signed legal paperwork saying it was a gift, I don't think he should have paid this person back and landed the family in more debt.

Solicitors always tell their clients they're each entitled to the world, they have a conflict of interest.

There are some good solicitors out there but none of them are in it for the power of good! 
They will absolutely tell each party that they could get more than they are probably entitled to.
Lots of one line emails (£30 if you are lucky), a letter (£50+), a phone call (never exchange pleasantries'!) and before you know it you are getting invoiced £300+ a month without actually achieving anything.

My friend's father just went through a divorce. Much younger bride and they lived in a flat and both refused to leave, sadly with a teenage child together also living there. The ex kept disappearing back to her home country and then came back. They had access at different times drawn up to use the kitchen. Most of it was driven by his principle, stubbornness and disbelief and how much he thought her claims were worth. In the end the whole settlement was worth around £130k (about £30k less than she asked for). He got his solicitors to do everything and footed legal bills of over £80k. By this time he was in his mid-seventies and still working part time. In his head he 'won' but now has some serious health issues. I wonder what contributed to that?!
Some people are just so emotionally charged that they can't see the woods for the trees.  

My advice would be to take a financial hit every time, if it gets you out of a horrible situation and could ultimately save you money in the long run, along with your health and well-being.