Money Moral Dilemma: How do I convince my fiancé to pay a greater share of our bills?

bloo911

To remedy your situation, you will need to be in a position where you can negotiate with him as an equal. As it stands, clearly it is not, and his reluctance to hear you out can also be viewed as a means to keep you in checkmate financially. You will need to develop an edge that can keep you competitive enough to stand your ground on a negotiating table.

Fluffy_kitten123

Perhaps this is part of a bigger issue. You could look into financial and economic abuse. Check out the surviving economic abuse website 

beanielou

Uriziel said:

If the bills were shared based on your earnings women would be incentivised to marry higher earning men. Surely that does not sound very ethical, no? I think you should keep it 50/50 because that is simply more fair. Your husband should not be punished for being more successful at work. Do you try to increase your pay? Do you look for higher paying jobs? Your husband clearly did if he earns that much more. Men have to work like dogs as otherwise they are seen as failures. Surely the whole equal rights thing means that you also have a right to work like a dog and endure toxic work cultures to bring more money home? If this is the basis of all your money arguments you should be ashamed since it implies all of your arguments are about you wanting more of his money. If you are buying things for your son ask him to pay you half and I am very sure that he will. He is simply asking for things to be fair. It is truly sickening reading about women desperately wanting to get access to a man's money while insisting they want equal rights.

Harsh. So harsh. 

CrazyBee787

I just want to chip in to above I agree to some extent what @Uriziel has said in that if we (women) want everything equal that means your money is your own to do with what your responsibilities are shared for children and household. However there is also a point to be made, while her partner is off earning a killing, I presume the lady has picked up the slack in the household although not necessarily the case, but it is the norm where the husband is able to get a career for himself and the wife is left looking after the babes. Therefore I think in that case a little money going to the ladies way is not such a bad call. You could also argue while the lady is picking up the slack in the household which may or may not be true she is also sacrificing her career and also in case you were not aware it still is not fair right now for most women. That doesn't mean to say that this man hasn't worked incredibly hard and deserves a big share of what he has earned, but if he was a good chap I think he would offer the lady some dough. Just a thought. On the other side of the coin I do think it is a shame that boys are losing out on educational guiding in our quest to be equal, that is not right. Have a good Sunday.

elsien

Boys are losing out on  educational guiding? Not entirely sure what that means, but if it’s to do with educational attainment, it’s not necessarily the case.
https://www.theguardian.com/education/2025/mar/10/boys-widen-gap-over-girls-in-maths-and-science-in-england-study-reveals

Cobbler_tone

Great dilemma and not straight forward.
I don't see an issue with the 50/50 split, assuming she can afford it. 
It sounds like the issue is more around the contribution for what the son needs. That is a valid request.

The 10 times wages would need more context. Has she maximised her income, or is there an expectation to be 'bank rolled' a little? I don't think that within a couple that they are entitled to an equal share, e.g. if one is on £20k and the other on £40k that they share £30k each on a spreadsheet. 

If it is as extreme as one is on £10k and the other £100k, I'd imagine there would be arguments over putting the heating on.
The issue with disparity in relationships is often when it prevents them doing things due to the affordability of one party. It sounds like a couple of hundred quid a month towards the son could solve the issue. Maybe a joint account for just that purpose?