Financial implications of moving in with elderly parent

LiviaCalibri

Hi! I'd welcome any thoughts on the below. 

 I’m considering moving back to my childhood home to live with my elderly mum and am looking for some initial advice on what financial implications I need to consider.  

In a nutshell, my widowed mum is 91 and I’m 67 and single. She is in good health, is mentally astute and has an active social life but I’m well aware that she will become increasingly frail as the years roll by. Two years ago she was hospitalised after a fall in which she broke her hip. Since then, I have been spending roughly half my time living with her and the other half living in my own home about an hour’s drive away. (I’m self-employed and can work from either place). We get on well.

I’m now considering selling my own place and moving in with her on a permanent basis. My thinking is that it will give her extra peace of mind to have someone there all the time and remove/delay any future need for professional carers. The money I receive from my house sale could go towards further adaptations to her house to aid her mobility and maybe an extension to create some extra space. I’d always intended to move back there at some stage in my life and much of my own social life revolves around where she lives. (The house prices in her area are such that I couldn’t really afford to buy somewhere much closer to her myself.) 

I’m wondering what the financial drawbacks are:

·      If she eventually has to go into a care home, would I be made homeless if we are forced to sell her home to pay the care costs (the house is left to me in her will)?

·      She is on pension credit – would she lose that if I were living with her? (I understand that she would lose the single person’s discount on council tax).

·      Are there other things to consider – I’m guessing capital gains tax wouldn’t apply here. 

Sorry for the long post – I’m not even sure if I’m posting under the right category – but I’m trying to anticipate any questions you guys might have.  Any thoughts? 

Savvy_Sue

No to being made homeless, as long as you're actually living there beforehand. You're over 60 so value of house should be disregarded in any calculations for care costs.

I imagine questions could be asked if you only moved in a very short time before the need arose, or were still half and half, but otherwise no.

Are you the only child?

Do not underestimate the challenge of providing care to someone, and do not wreck your own health to provide it. Do not promise to keep her at home until she dies. Do consider what would happen if you died or became incapacitated first. 

I'd recommend mum having LPA, and you too. 

LiviaCalibri

Thanks for the speedy response, Sue. 

I am indeed the only child and I THINK I have a pretty clear idea of what might be involved in caring for her, though I do understand your misgivings. I'd definitely be willing to pay for professional care as and when the need arose - and, while keen to remain independent for as long as possible, she accepts that the day may come (as it has for so many of her friends) that she needs to go into a home. I have a PoA for Mum but haven't sorted one for myself yet - that's a good shout.  

Keep_pedalling

Looking on the positive side living with your mother lessens the chance of her ever needing residential care but as Sue has already pointed out being a full term carer is not something to be taken on lightly, and is something I never want my children to do.

A house is disregarded if there is a dependant relative living there, but you would not really be dependant on her if you are sitting on a large pile of cash from a house sale. If she did ever need residential care would you really want her to be dependant on a cash strapped LA to fund it.

Runner_Duck

How does your mother feel about you moving in with her.  My late mother was absolutely adamant that she was not going to, as she saw it 'interfere in my life'. She was fiercely independent and insisted on managing on her own until the last 2 months.  Granted she did need increasing amounts of help with shopping, gardening etc.

LiviaCalibri

We have discussed it, and she is happy with the idea. While she is very independent, she admits she gets a little lonely on longer winter nights. I guess, with the current arrangement, we have come to understand the pros and cons and rub along together very well. While my plan would be to use proceeds from my house sale to carry out improvements to her home (things she can't afford herself), I definitely wouldn't want her to be dependent on a cash-strapped LA to fund her care - I would obviously be willing to contribute in whatever way I could. I was just worried that, if care costs were too high for me to manage on my own and we were forced to sell her house, I might be left homeless myself. 

RAS

Care home fees vary massively across the country. Check out the cost of several care and nursing homes in your mum's area? The average stay is about 2.5 years, but I know someone older than your mum who has been a resident for over 6 years.

With respect to doing work on mum's house, to protect your capital you'd need to document the cost of those as a loan to mum, to be repaid if the house is sold.

And be aware that LA's may require you to be resident at the property for a period after your house is sold.

Brie

It appears to me that she would not lose her pensions credit if you moved in as you would not be her partner in any sense.  But I would certainly mention it to them at some point as otherwise they will be trying reclaim any money paid.  What happens about other benefits attached to this I don't know.  Things like free TV licence etc.

Pension Credit: Eligibility - GOV.UK

Is she getting attendance allowance?  It's not a huge amount but £100+ a week will help fund some in home care.  Not sure how your mom will feel about you helping her bath etc - assuming you're not doing that already.  Sometimes the more personal stuff is easier when done by someone that is not family.  My MiL was not thrilled about me trying to help with this sort of thing and would lie about her hygiene.  Getting a carer to do this meant she would agree to a shower more frequently than she would with me assisting.  

As Savvy Sue says the house should be disregarded when doing a financial assessment for her given that you are over 60.  Should they get fussy do point out to them how long you have lived there part time to assist.  Also the fact that you have money has nothing to do with your mom for a financial assessment - it's all her money that's looked at.  I did have ready an explanation for any payments I helped my MiL make and had set amounts that she paid to us on a regular basis that was her share of the household expenses.  Also even if I used by own credit card to buy something for her (clothes mostly) I would then transfer an identical amount from her to me so it was easy to track if anyone asked any questions.  fyi - no one did.  

I would suggest that you see if you can arrange for any of her bank accounts to grant you "third party authority".  That was you can access her account online or at an ATM and have your own debit card.  This is handy to keep her money separate from yours as any joint account might be assumed to be owned 50/50 and that might mess up the council financial assessment and possibly the pension credit. 

It's hard work.  Very hard work and somewhat relentless.  But as much as we struggled at times looking after MiL it was much better knowing that she was safe and had daily contact with someone.  Her ability to fix meals became increasingly dangerous (gas left on, turning the microwave on for 10 minutes to "heat it up" before putting anything in it etc).  Hopefully you can engage her in what's happening around her - I think we left her (happily) in front of the telly too much.  That said a crucial thing to arrange from the start is to have your own space so you have a place that you can retreat to if needed.  

I do hope you enjoy your time together.

LiviaCalibri

Thanks for your responses - much appreciated and they have left me with much to think about. I'd not considered pitching the home improvements as a loan to mum (good call) but I do know about the frightening care home costs in the area - thankfully we're not at that stage yet. And I would definitely want some of my own 'space' created as part of any extension to the house (along with things like a downstairs shower room and stair lift for Mum). 

The points about helping Mum bath etc are very valid - we had about 6 weeks of such care when she left hospital and I'm definitely in the camp of asking carers to perform that duty for the sake of her dignity. Also I'd not thought about quantifying things I pay for like groceries - that's a useful point and easily proved. 

At present, Mum is well equipped to handle all her personal hygiene; she cooks for herself; she probably has a more active social life than I do; she does online banking and is permanently attached to her iPad (I call her  Techno Mum!) My role at the moment is to help out around the house when I'm there, run errands, take her out and about; and attempt in vain to tackle the garden. I guess I'm very lucky that she's reached this age without any major health difficulties. 

So, you're probably wondering why I would be considering this move. It's just that she has lost a little confidence after breaking her hip and is not as mobile as she was (now walking with a stick) - and I'd like her to feel safe and secure in her twilight years. It may also be something to do with the fact that Dad died alone in hospital during the pandemic, so I'm probably over protective. I also feel the current half-and-half arrangement is probably not sustainable long term. I'm about to hit the motorway shortly to head back to her place. 

Thanks to everyone for replying - it has certainly helped me add extra points to my 'things to consider' list. 

Savvy_Sue

Nothing you've said has me internally screaming "don't do it!" And it is a huge reassurance to have someone on the spot.

Cultivate your own life, and keep it going post move. 

elsien

Keep_pedalling said:

Looking on the positive side living with your mother lessens the chance of her ever needing residential care but as Sue has already pointed out being a full term carer is not something to be taken on lightly, and is something I never want my children to do.

A house is disregarded if there is a dependant relative living there, but you would not really be dependant on her if you are sitting on a large pile of cash from a house sale. If she did ever need residential care would you really want her to be dependant on a cash strapped LA to fund it.

I don’t think that is the case. The house is disregarded if someone over 60 years living there put the OP would need to show it was a genuine move and not just to avoid the house being used for care costs.