Tight-Fisted in law

Sharne15

Emmia said:

OP perhaps it's time to not holiday with this group, perhaps do your own thing this year - it's eating away at you and I feel this trip might be the straw that breaks the camel's back of the relationship, if you see what I mean.

I think you're right! I have tried to put up with her stingy ways for too long, and believe me, I have tried hard not to address this with her, but I now fear I will snap as I can no longer see her taking advantage of people's kind nature.

sheramber

I would suggest you decline any further such holiday but ask your D &SIL to join you and your husband on a holiday. 

That way she is not included as it is your invitation , not your SIL’s. 

HillStreetBlues

Go for the subtle approach, when next a bill comes hand it to her and say "all yours"

flossymcfly

The next time you go away somewhere could you put in the what's app chat "We will bring the snacks, MIL if you can get the wine that'd be great"? That way you're still contributing but calling her out in a non-aggressive way?

We have a family member who is very much like this, and it's just through sheer thoughtlessness. They went out with a friend who used a Costa voucher to buy them coffees, then every time they just expected the friend to pay because they 'had a voucher for free coffees'. The friend ended up having to say to them that it was just a one off and it caused a lot of upset because she took it as an attack, when really the friend was just explaining that it was a one-off.

saajan_12

All I'd say is make it the new normal to talk about money at least when you organise. So the next trip, you could volunteer to make the arrangements, and casually ask the others for their share ("MIL, yours is £xx, no rush"). Or "do you want to bring wine or snacks, we'll grab the other". 

If SIL then wants to pay for his mother, there's nothing further you can do. Your options would then be to either deal with it, confront it as a proper issue or not go next time. 

swingaloo

I think that saying anything about splitting the costs when you are away will only result in your SIL feeling embarrassed. He knows what she is like. Its up to him to either ask her again to contribute or to tell her that he finds it awkward that you contribute and she doesnt.

On the other hand it cost him the extra and perhaps he wants to pay for his mum. That doesnt stop her bringing along a contribution to the food but perhaps she has offered and they have told her its not necessary because you bring enough. 
 
Does she perhaps do things for them, babysitting, cleaning or the like and that they pay for her to cover that?