Tight-Fisted in law

Emmia

I just wouldn't contribute any extras, if there's no wine to drink or food to eat she can't eat or drink it.

 If she asks where the wine is, you can point out the shops etc.

gwynlas

If your sil invites her then it is his business not yours if he would like her to contribute.
If he is going to inherit her accumalated wealth then your daughter will benefit as well.
Try to imagine your first break together after her demise and how sil might feel.
Do no allow these concerns to interfere with your enjoyment of these breaks in the scheme of things it is not worth it.
Resenting her non contribution is pointless and just upsets you not her, try to consider any outgoings as charitable contributions to care of the elderly whether they deserve it or not and maybe laugh about it with your partner

silvercar

pollypenny said:

Being 'an older person' is no excuse. She's either sponging or simplty thoughtless. 

Maybe while the next trip is being planned you could light-heartedly ask her what she is intending to bring so that you don't duplicate. 

I think ‘thoughtless’ in the literal meaning. I bet she is widowed after a long marriage where the husband always dealt with the money and she never thought about it. Now she expects her son to do the same; maybe he should if it is upsetting you this much. He invited her, so maybe he should cover her costs out of his future inheritance!

Spendless

I'd be tempted to pay 2/5 of everything and thats it. That puts the ball back in SIL's court, either he approaches the subject again with his Mum, funds her share or stops inviting her to join you all. Not your problem. 

Pollycat

silvercar said:

pollypenny said:

Being 'an older person' is no excuse. She's either sponging or simplty thoughtless. 

Maybe while the next trip is being planned you could light-heartedly ask her what she is intending to bring so that you don't duplicate. 

I think ‘thoughtless’ in the literal meaning. I bet she is widowed after a long marriage where the husband always dealt with the money and she never thought about it. Now she expects her son to do the same; maybe he should if it is upsetting you this much. He invited her, so maybe he should cover her costs out of his future inheritance!

Given what the OP said in the first post, I'd add selfish and thick skinned to that.
She's been asked to contribute but still doesn't.

Sharne15 said:

Her son once had a word with her and asked her to pay her way but she has chosen to ignore him.

TripleH

Not making any excuses etc.

I had a colleague who lost his wife unexpectedly when he was in his late 50's.

He had to get his son and grandkids to teach him how to get cash out of a bank.

He was a perfectly competent person but had been reliant on his wife for some tasks for so long.

Some people claim they are too old to learn, which is nonsense.

Sharne15

Thank you for the replies. What sticks in my throat is that my husband and I have worked hard all our working lives and always paid our way throughout life, and my god, we've had it hard at times but we have never taken anything financially from our children, and we always pay our share if we ever go out with anyone because we think it's the right thing to do. 
I'm not so tight that I won't provide food and drink to her,  but this is every occasion, and yes, I've got sick of her not paying her way; it's just not fair. 
I don't believe that this has anything to do with the loss of her husband or that she never dealt with money, as she is financially independent in her own right and had a professional career.
I am a kind and thoughtful person, and I will help anyone out, but I know she is taking advantage, and I can no longer tolerate her. 
I know this is eating away at me, and maybe I should just overlook this instead of causing myself all this stress. 

badmemory

TripleH said:

Not making any excuses etc.

I had a colleague who lost his wife unexpectedly when he was in his late 50's.

He had to get his son and grandkids to teach him how to get cash out of a bank.

He was a perfectly competent person but had been reliant on his wife for some tasks for so long.

Some people claim they are too old to learn, which is nonsense.

This is a typical example that Martin often mentions about making sure both partners know what is what & why some couples are having regular financial "meetings" now.  I am a firm believer in "ignorance is NOT bliss".

Pollycat

Sharne15 said:

Thank you for the replies. What sticks in my throat is that my husband and I have worked hard all our working lives and always paid our way throughout life, and my god, we've had it hard at times but we have never taken anything financially from our children, and we always pay our share if we ever go out with anyone because we think it's the right thing to do. 
I'm not so tight that I won't provide food and drink to her,  but this is every occasion, and yes, I've got sick of her not paying her way; it's just not fair. 
I don't believe that this has anything to do with the loss of her husband or that she never dealt with money, as she is financially independent in her own right and had a professional career.
I am a kind and thoughtful person, and I will help anyone out, but I know she is taking advantage, and I can no longer tolerate her. 
I know this is eating away at me, and maybe I should just overlook this instead of causing myself all this stress. 

Do you think you can overlook it?
It sounds like you've reached breaking point.
Better to sort it out now than have a massive bust up when the 5 of you are on holiday.

Emmia

OP perhaps it's time to not holiday with this group, perhaps do your own thing this year - it's eating away at you and I feel this trip might be the straw that breaks the camel's back of the relationship, if you see what I mean.