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Tight-Fisted in law
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I just wouldn't contribute any extras, if there's no wine to drink or food to eat she can't eat or drink it.
If she asks where the wine is, you can point out the shops etc.3 -
If your sil invites her then it is his business not yours if he would like her to contribute.
If he is going to inherit her accumalated wealth then your daughter will benefit as well.
Try to imagine your first break together after her demise and how sil might feel.
Do no allow these concerns to interfere with your enjoyment of these breaks in the scheme of things it is not worth it.
Resenting her non contribution is pointless and just upsets you not her, try to consider any outgoings as charitable contributions to care of the elderly whether they deserve it or not and maybe laugh about it with your partner1 -
pollypenny said:Being 'an older person' is no excuse. She's either sponging or simplty thoughtless.Maybe while the next trip is being planned you could light-heartedly ask her what she is intending to bring so that you don't duplicate.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0
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I'd be tempted to pay 2/5 of everything and thats it. That puts the ball back in SIL's court, either he approaches the subject again with his Mum, funds her share or stops inviting her to join you all. Not your problem.0
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silvercar said:pollypenny said:Being 'an older person' is no excuse. She's either sponging or simplty thoughtless.Maybe while the next trip is being planned you could light-heartedly ask her what she is intending to bring so that you don't duplicate.
She's been asked to contribute but still doesn't.Sharne15 said:Her son once had a word with her and asked her to pay her way but she has chosen to ignore him.
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Not making any excuses etc.I had a colleague who lost his wife unexpectedly when he was in his late 50's.He had to get his son and grandkids to teach him how to get cash out of a bank.He was a perfectly competent person but had been reliant on his wife for some tasks for so long.Some people claim they are too old to learn, which is nonsense.May you find your sister soon Helli.
Sleep well.1 -
Thank you for the replies. What sticks in my throat is that my husband and I have worked hard all our working lives and always paid our way throughout life, and my god, we've had it hard at times but we have never taken anything financially from our children, and we always pay our share if we ever go out with anyone because we think it's the right thing to do.
I'm not so tight that I won't provide food and drink to her, but this is every occasion, and yes, I've got sick of her not paying her way; it's just not fair.
I don't believe that this has anything to do with the loss of her husband or that she never dealt with money, as she is financially independent in her own right and had a professional career.
I am a kind and thoughtful person, and I will help anyone out, but I know she is taking advantage, and I can no longer tolerate her.
I know this is eating away at me, and maybe I should just overlook this instead of causing myself all this stress.
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TripleH said:Not making any excuses etc.I had a colleague who lost his wife unexpectedly when he was in his late 50's.He had to get his son and grandkids to teach him how to get cash out of a bank.He was a perfectly competent person but had been reliant on his wife for some tasks for so long.Some people claim they are too old to learn, which is nonsense.
This is a typical example that Martin often mentions about making sure both partners know what is what & why some couples are having regular financial "meetings" now. I am a firm believer in "ignorance is NOT bliss".0 -
Sharne15 said:Thank you for the replies. What sticks in my throat is that my husband and I have worked hard all our working lives and always paid our way throughout life, and my god, we've had it hard at times but we have never taken anything financially from our children, and we always pay our share if we ever go out with anyone because we think it's the right thing to do.
I'm not so tight that I won't provide food and drink to her, but this is every occasion, and yes, I've got sick of her not paying her way; it's just not fair.
I don't believe that this has anything to do with the loss of her husband or that she never dealt with money, as she is financially independent in her own right and had a professional career.
I am a kind and thoughtful person, and I will help anyone out, but I know she is taking advantage, and I can no longer tolerate her.
I know this is eating away at me, and maybe I should just overlook this instead of causing myself all this stress.
It sounds like you've reached breaking point.
Better to sort it out now than have a massive bust up when the 5 of you are on holiday.1 -
OP perhaps it's time to not holiday with this group, perhaps do your own thing this year - it's eating away at you and I feel this trip might be the straw that breaks the camel's back of the relationship, if you see what I mean.1
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