Being pressured to move house to an are that is not suitable.

Kim_13

When I opened the thread, having just seen the title and not the forum, as it was in the list of latest posts, I assumed this would be someone being pressured to take out of area accommodation by a council due to needing assistance. That should tell you everything you need to know.

Absolutely do not agree to this; there should be no major compromises when you are putting in your own money, unless they are compromises that you have to make for financial reasons - and in that case you should be choosing them. And your own child should be the last person expecting you to make compromises. Where was his compromise when he rejected the houses you were looking at previously?

You say you are getting older now so I would say that compromise ought to be on the type/size of property rather than location and transport links - as you should have your bus passes to get around if the worst came to the worst and you were no longer able to drive. Your son and his wife might be less willing to drive you due to concentrating on their own family, while expecting free childcare. That can bring difficulties at the best of times but it would be even worse if your living situation was such that the children could just be left with you without you being able to say no.

Long term, this house and annexe set up would likely be a headache for them when you are no longer living there. Council tax legislation is only going one way so it may be that the treatment of an annex becomes more punitive in future. Already they would likely have an extra bill to pay with 50% discount, have to let it out to someone they didn’t know or have to make alterations in order to have the whole property rebanded as one with no guarantee as to whether it would be enough before starting the work. You could use this to say no if you think it would be easier than saying everything that you feel about this property/location/situation.

Annexes are only useful when circumstances require them, which make the properties difficult to sell in general. Even if an annex is not self-contained and part of the main property, the property is banded higher than it otherwise would be which means paying tax for extra space you don’t need eventually and buyers potentially being nervous that they might end up with two CT bills. Downsizing is far easier than trying to sell a property with an annex, as there will always be a family wanting your 4 bed house when you want to move to a 2 (for example.)

pseudodox

A bus pass is only useful if there are actual convenient buses to use it on.  My Mum had the choice to go by bus to the nearest town 12 miles away but with cutbacks on an infrequent service she had the choice of 20 minutes before a return or several hours.  Not enough time to do her shopping or too much to hang around with nothing to do there, especially in winter or on wet days.

If you were confident that somehow it will all work out you would not be here asking a bunch of strangers for advice.  It all sounds like the beginning of coersive control by your son.  What do other family members think?

sheramber

Tell your son that the arrangement is obviously not going to work as you want different things. 

He only wants what suits him. 

Just think what is would be like to live with him if this is how he acts now.

I  foresee a very unhappy future if you move  together. 

Buy what suits you and let him go his own way. 

gwynlas

Stay put if where you are living suits you.

Norfolk is quite a rural county and would be very difficult without a car. If it not a place you considered previously why would you want to go now?

Your home is where you should feel secure and have sense of community.

Pollycat

Just tell your son 'no'.
You'll be funding the move, make sure it's somewhere that suits you.
And will continue to suit you.
We are retired and use buses all the time.
One of our bus companies has recently gone under and although the routes have been picked up by stagecoach, some of the smaller villages are no longer served. 
It's caused big problems for people who relied on the bus to go shopping and attend appointments.

Your son is being unfair and selfish.

elsien

ETA - rereading your initial post, you are looking at buying a joint property although it was not clear how much each of you was putting in? So what happens if one of you want to sell up and move, and the other doesn't? A forced sale? That's not going to go well either way. 
Or if it's all in your name, having to evict your son and family?
It can work if everyone is on the same page and is communicating properly. And has all these discussions and legalities sorted out beforehand. Doesn't feel like that is the case here. 

I also agree about the transport comments. I live in a large town and public transport is appalling. In some rural areas it is non-existent. Choose somewhere where you can get taxis if you need to, and where the distances won't break the bank. 

MEM62

@Kim_13 If you do not want to do it why is it so hard to say no.  Tell your son no and tell him to drop the subject.  Do what is right for you - not for him.  

Jude57

I used to want to move back to the country, having been born and raised in a very rural area. Then I realised that, because we'd moved to a large town when I was a teenager, I'd never had to negotiate socialising or education or work as a teen/young person reliant on public transport (non-existent where we lived). I moved to my city at 18 and had all the benefits of city life. When I married I moved to a small market town and really noticed the lack of facilities, even such things as hairdressers or clothes shops. I was fit and healthy and could drive so it was an inconvenience really. Now I'm older and back in the city, I'm grateful for the decent public transport, the proximity of the GP, pharmacy, supermarkets and the other facilities we need every day. I don't need a car and everything is within easy reach by taxi for a maximum fare of around £15 if necessary. I'm approaching the point where I'd be worried about being alone in a rural setting in an emergency which is another consideration.

My niece lives in Norfolk and the main thing she hates is the transport infrastructure. Everything is miles apart and the roads are virtually all country roads with low speed limits. Another thing is that it's very difficult to get tradesmen and many will charge for travelling time because of the time it takes to get anywhere. My niece lives in a large village with reasonable facilities nearby such as one supermarket, one GP, one petrol station. It's the lack of choice that I wouldn't want now. My niece is fortunate to work at home but once a month has to attend a group meeting in a village 25 miles away as the crow flies. It takes her between an hour and ten minutes and an hour and forty minutes to drive there, because of the roads. 

I'd echo everyone urging you not to move to somewhere isolated. Your son has already shown he's not considering your best interests. Do you really think he'll be supportive and involved should you end up disabled and widowed?

TripleH

My mum moved back to the country a few years ago.

I think this was 10 years too late for her as she hates driving.

Sadly your health is only going to decline, look at what YOU need from a location and find a property that meets those needs.

If you are paying for all the house, you have the power in deciding location. If your son and his family cannot buy a home without you, remember you have the power as he needs you more than you need him.

I think buying separately is the best option here sadly.

Procrastinator2

Thankyou so much for all the replies sorry for the delay in replying, just trying to navigate the forum. Everyone seems to be of the same opinion. We are both reasonably fit at present but if we are unable to drive or can't afford a car, Living in an area with no transport is a nightmare.