Being pressured to move house to an are that is not suitable.

Procrastinator2

Not sure what to do and would welcome the opinions of  forum members. Always wanted to move when we retired but it has been a nightmare  and we are probably getting too old now. We have always wanted to move house to a country area as I used to live in a country area. My son and his family wanted to move with us and we have spent most weekends running around looking at houses for years that my son rejected for one reason or another. This was in our own county because of my sons work and we have family  who live fairly close. since Covid he now  works at home and his partner has decided that she wants to move to Norfolk because her parents moved there some years ago.

My parents died a few years back and left me their house combined with our own we could buy a house and annexe. We have looked at several but they have problems or are in an area that my son does not want to live in. The present one is just what my wife and I have always wanted but it is so isolated with no transport and the main one, the smallest that we will live in requires a lot of work. I have constantly told my son that it is not really suitable due to the lack of transport and it is 3 1/2 hour trip to our other family by car. Assuming that we are stil able to drive or afford a car in the future.

My dilemma is that my son has been pushing us to purchase this house and I have constantly advised him that the location is not right for us but our concerns are ignored. He pushes us constantly have you Should things not work out I don't think we would be able to sell it unless we take a big loss as properties do not sell very quickly in that area even when reduced. I will have to fund the whole purcjase and fund repairs. We don't know if we should go and see how it works out or tell him straight and refuse and suffer the consequences of a falling out.

Flugelhorn

Don't buy it! It will end in tears and you are financially tied up with someone else who may not want to sell if you don't like the place. 

p00hsticks

Just say no!

pseudodox

Sounds like your son is pushing for his own selfish reasons & is not considering what such a relocation would do for you.  My late parents moved 250 miles to a rural village to live near my brother.  12 miles to the nearest town, 65 to emergency hospital, 30 miles to nearest large supermarket.  No doctor, dentist, hairdressers etc within 5 miles.  Fine until Dad died but Mum did not drive & then discovered my brother & his family were less than kind & would not take care of her. She spent her final years living a miserable & largely isolated life.  I had to undertake 500 mile round trips to take her for a big shop, sort out the garden & problems.  She insisted she was too frail to make another move to live back near me plus was afraid of my brother's reaction if she did.

It's your life & your future.  Do what you want to do even at the risk of a family rift.  You will regret the latter less than living your final years in misery.

FlorayG

I wouldn't be entering into such a huge commitment with a family member who didn't have my best interests at heart. If he truly can't understand why this property is completely unsuitable for you then I would be dropping the whole idea of living together.
"...tell him straight and refuse and suffer the consequences of a falling out..." and you're thinking of LIVING with a person you think will be like this?

Keep_pedalling

I think you would be making a terrible mistake doing this, what you want and what your son wants are two different things and there is a strong possibility that after getting settled in Norfolk he would want to move again.

Keep your home arrangements under your own control, find your own place that suits your needs.

ButterCheese

Sorry but your son sounds like a controlling and selfish person.  Live where you want, on your own.  Find a bungalow with flat ground and good transport links. 

elsien

It seems as if your son doesn’t understand your needs and preferences, and hasn’t done so for a number of years. What makes you think that would change after you moved?

Absolutely do not go along with it to see how it goes - You already have a fair idea of how it will go, and making the move with resentment already there because it’s not really what you want is not going set things up for working well in the future.

Honestly,I would be reconsidering the whole plan at this stage. 

I presume you are buying separate places close to each other so just move where you want to move and he can either come or not.

pseudodox

Don't expect your DIL to give any priority to you over her own family.  My SIL was all over her own family like a nasty rash but somehow never had enough time to do anything to help my Mum (her MIL).

Auti

Your money, your home. Only get what will suit you and partner - remind son that you need your money in case of care costs further down the line otherwise deprivation of assets could come into play. Please buy a property that suits you and partner and has good bus, dr, social,shops etc very close by - thinking of forever home. 

With the best will in the world your son is brushing over thoughts about future needs because he wants this one - did he ever think how you felt when he rejected your choices? 

Please think of yourselves and plan as if you will not get a lot of care/help from son when you need it - he will have his own life to work around too - being as independent as possible gives you more options and choices if things need changing.

Neil49

Your son and his partner are giving you the run around. While he was obliged to live close to where he worked, your location was suitable for the. Now his partner has decided that she wants to be near her family in Norfolk. That's ok but they shouldn't be dictating to you where you want to live.

Tell them that this is the time for them to get on with their own lives. You both have very different requirements so now is the time to go your separate ways. 

Very best wishes in finding a nice home that suits you. Just ensure that you plan for the future and that it is close to all the amenities you require on a day to day basis with good public transport.