Teetering on the brink

Cherryfudge

You really are having a rough time aren't you? I hope there've been lots of animal cuddles and some healing rest.

I also hope dd1's new job goes well and dd2's DoE is a good experience. Two enterprising daughters, you must be pleased with them.

EatingBeans

Yes, yesterday was pretty awful but thankfully I managed to wake up feeling a little better despite seeing every hour of the night. The cats were much better behaved than I was led to believe they would be, big cat slept on the bed with me all night and little cat slept in her radiator bed. The biggest challenge was lying down in a normal bed! Since my bed is rock hard and permanently tilted, lying flat on dd2’s bed made me feel like I was trying to sleep on a bouncy castle and all the blood was rushing to my head! It took some time getting used to! 

The funniest thing about sleeping upstairs is that the dogs are still in ‘night’ mode waiting for me to get up. lol I’ve been up a couple of hours but thought I’d have breakfast and coffee before I let them out as they are still very content and it gives me a chance to come round a bit before being bounced on. I am in the same room as little dog and she has just quietly watched me wandering about but because big dog hasn’t noticed me up and sounded the morning alarm, little dog is happy to just doze. Now I know who is the instigator of the morning craziness! haha

Goal for today is to drink even more water as I am definitely dehydrating (I think I have picked up a virus on top of everything else as I now have a sore throat and a cough too now! 🤦‍♀️), and then I want to have a shower, look after the animals, make sure I have clean clothes and easy to prepare healthy food in. I know these seem like real basic goals but honestly, they actually seem like stretch assignments atm! 🤣

If I get through all of that and I can still manage to sit upright I want to take a look at my budget via the laptop just to be sure everything is pointing at the new account. 🤞

Cherryfudge

I'm glad you got a bit of rest in spite of everything. It must have been an odd experience trying to sleep while lying flat.

Take each step at a time and perhaps rest in between? I had a virus a few weeks ago that knocked me back and took a while to recover - it gave DH a bad cough (he had to use an inhaler and that helped a lot). I had less of a cough but extreme tiredness and light headedness/ brain fog. I'm so glad I seem to be over it now apart from occasional balance issues. But I think rest is significant in letting your body fight it and, as you say, staying hydrated.

EatingBeans

I managed a shower! 🎉 This should not feel like such an achievement in life. 🤣🤦‍♀️ It took me over two hours from the initial thought of “I’ll get a shower now”, until I got out, but hey, a shower was had! Literally, I gathered a towel and clothes then needed a nap, climbed the stairs, needed a long sit down to recover, got in shower and sat down before I fell down, but I made it, and I am now all washed and in clean pjs. 🥰 Rather disappointingly, I came downstairs only do realise the hairdryer was still upstairs, but I almost didn’t care because I am CLEAN, so I just brushed it through and put the heating up.😁 No way am I climbing back up those stairs when there is noone else in the house to hear me if I fall! 

Sadly, I didn’t get as far as doing any clothes washing or my budget but I did order some shopping to be delivered tomorrow. Given my inability to stand and cook I opted for prepared salad/pasta pots, fruit and some of the better quality microwaveable meals. I never normally buy prepared salad and the like as it is so expensive compared to making your own, but I know that  I am just not up to that at the moment. I figured it was better to pay the bit extra and still eat healthily that either buy separates that will inevitably go off because I don’t have the energy to stand and chop, or alternatively live off takeaways which will definitely not help me feel better. So, I compromised. And at least I will be able to feed myself. There is something that just doesn’t sit right about being 43 and having to ask your children to feed you. 

I genuinely reached the point that I just wanted my mum yesterday. 😕 Then I got the sudden realisation that my mum is no longer in a position to look after me any more, and if I am ill to the point that I need looking after, I do if fact have to rely on my kids. I suddenly felt very old before my time and like a serious burden, so anything I can do to help get me well again I will do, even if it compromises my debt clearing in the short term. 

I am not 100% what the best way is to get me well but good food, lots of water, rest and supplements is all I’ve got to go on atm. Showers are good too! 🤣 

Cherryfudge

It must be a very trying position to be in, but you are making progress. While you're on your own, do keep your phone charged and with you, just in case (that goes for all of us really).

The pasta and salad bowls are a good idea - some healthy vitamins and carbs in there! If you like granola, that would be another easy option, perhaps with yogurt/fruit depending on your tastes and what you have energy for. Also instant porridge, the sort where you add hot water (or milk). Smoothies might be another option, or ready-prepared jacket potatoes, or frozen cauliflower cheese.

I hope you soon regain some strength and energy but meanwhile go on taking care of yourself.

EatingBeans

New day, new doctor, new direction! 

Trying to sum up the rollercoaster that I have been on and come up with a new plan all in 10minutes, was a real challenge, but I came away feeling positive (and with another boatload of tablets!). Glad to say, no bowel cancer and no IBD, but definitely a folate deficiency along with probable long covid, side effects from all the tablets, a side helping of perimenopause and,  just to top it off, a cold! 🤣 She’s giving me another blood test for possible celiac’s disease, but aside from that I am being pointed to help groups for long covid as they’ve exhausted all other options. So, what that tells me is I am just going to have to find a way to live with this, and bizarrely, this made me feel a little better (I guess knowing where I stand is better than all the unknowns?). 

Having dd2 home has no doubt helped my mood, (even though she has just retired to her room and not been seen all day), and either the cold is passing or the Folic Acid is kicking in, but I swear I have a little more energy today. 😁

Buying the meals in prepared form has been an absolute revelation! Never in my life have I just had a stack of meals in my fridge where I pick one, grab a fork and eat. Even the hot ones only take 5minutes in the microwave. I mean, obviously, I have grabbed the odd pasta pot or microwave meal before now, but never in my life have I attempted to live off them. My gosh, what a difference in effort required! And virtually no washing up! Budget allowing, I may be a convert, at least until I am feeling a lot more like myself. 

I am in two minds but I want to attempt to go back to work tomorrow (Wfh obviously). I’m going to grab another shower, get some clothes and everything ready and then sit down and sort the budget. I figure, if I can do that, and I get an early night, I should be able to work. 🤞

And I haven’t forgotten about the whole purpose of this diary btw! I am still plodding away with the surveys everyday. They may be baby steps but every little is a step in the right direction.

Cherryfudge

It's so good to hear they have ruled out bowel cancer and IBD! And I think I understand that you can feel a bit better from knowing what you are facing. It's a lot to cope with all at once but the folate levels are on the mend and the cold won't be around much longer. The rest will take longer, but there will be better days to come.

I hope the WFH goes well.

SuzeQStan

 EB & I’m in full admiration of you and your determination.

  I say you lean on your girls - and make sure they know it’s a struggle to get up the stairs etc for you right now.  let them help you - and ask them for help if they don’t offer it and disappear off to their rooms. 

Sometimes we don’t realise when the ones closest to us need help - especially when that person is so strong and one of life’s coping extraordinares!  

Good solution on the ready meals x take care and I 🙏🏻 you are feeling better very soon xx

EatingBeans

Well, I did work yesterday, but it was the wrong decision. I have gone backwards in my recovery and spent almost all of today in bed or on the sofa cuddling puppies. Work was definitely not happening.

The only thing I have done today is sit in the passenger seat and supervise dd1 do a bit of driving. I am so proud of her. She can actually drive now! We went over to the next town, she drove around the ring road which has lots of cars/impatient drivers, lights, roundabouts and odd bends, bridges and lane changes all in quick succession. Then we went out to some country lanes and she did a right turn across and onto a busy single carriageway where everyone was doing 60mph. Normally it is not very busy so I thought it would be ok, but with that many cars going past at such a speed it would have made it a challenging junction for me in my little 1ltr, let alone a learner! She did it though, found a safe gap, made absolutely sure she didn’t stall it as she pulled away, and then floored it, I couldn’t have asked for more. Bizarrely, the biggest thing she struggled with in the whole time we were out was reversing around a corner, which I asked her to do so we could go back out of a small estate. Only once I asked her to do it did I realise she had never attempted it before. Needless to say, three tries later and she could do that too! Just a natural. 😁

Once back home though, I was totally exhausted. I flopped back onto the sofa and dd1 made me some dinner before disappearing off to her new job. Time for more dozing, and maybe a quick survey or two if I have the energy. 

I haven’t managed to get the laptop out for a proper look at the budget but I think that would just depress me given the overspends on food shopping at the moment. I will have to deal with it at some point soon, but the most important thing is everything is getting paid and that I have enough cash put to one side to pay for the window at the start on May. When I set the budget at the start of the month that was all looking good but it needed reorganising once the bank switch completed and that’s the bit I keep putting off.

I’ve just had my latest Barclaycard statement and I now have just over £4000 which has reverted to the standard rate. I am sure the stress of all this debt suddenly rocketing in interest cannot be helping my recovery, but, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the minimum is still less than the fixed monthly amount I have for that account which means that I know I am still able to pay it even without digging out the spreadsheet. For now at least. More will revert over the next couple of months.

Oh, but I sold something else on ebay… for £1.52. 🙂

Cherryfudge

I'm sorry to hear you've had a health set back. I hope you get a good night's rest and that helps redress the balance. 

Well done to your daughter! As you say, she sounds like a natural. (And made you some dinner too - extra good!)