Need to stop spending and chasing dopamine!

Pink_Butterfly

The money from the flat is now in my account. I’ve never had that much money in there before! I spoke to a solicitor yesterday about getting a declaration of trust done but she said it would be very difficult to do as the money from my flat is paying off debt and not going towards the mortgage. She said what makes it even more complex is part of the debt is a home improvement loan, meaning it’s increased the value of the house. She’s going to check with her colleague and then come back to me. It all goes over my head to be honest!

I received an e-mail earlier from my old managing agents saying they will no longer be managing the property from the end of this month. It looks like we completed just in time because I can imagine that bombshell would’ve caused a few delays! I hope the new buyer is loving it there. It’s still not sunk in that it’s not my flat any more. I wonder if the other residents all put their bins out this morning - they never used to 🤣

I received £70 from the work health scheme for my new glasses which is only about 15% of what I spent, but never mind! I picked them up the other day and they’re so much clearer than my old pair so they’re worth it. It’s nice to have prescription sunglasses again too! Hopefully these will last as long as my old glasses did 🙂

OH decided to accept the £75 compensation and it’s in the joint account already. I finally have access to the joint account on the app so I can see everything! Including all the 30p transactions linked to OH’s coffee machine at work 😂 All of my direct debits have been moved over now so I soon won’t need my current account, just the joint one. I must remember to transfer DD2’s money to her new current account as her debit card arrived yesterday. I just know she’s going to lose it 😂 She loses everything bless her.

Me & OH have 2 weeks off in the summer holidays so to save money we’ve decided not to book a holiday abroad, as it’s very expensive for anything half decent for 5 of us. It’s a shame as I LOVE my holidays but we just can’t justify it right now. Instead we are going on a caravan holiday in England on the coast for a few nights 😁 I just hope the weather will be nice! If it’s not we’ll just have to stay in the arcades 🤣

I need to pick up the girls now and it’s typically started raining 🙃 OH will be in bed until about 9pm so I’ll do our dinner and then either go out for a walk (if it stops raining) or go to the gym, depending on what the girls fancy doing. I also need to check in on my friend next door as she’s just split up with her fella. I went round there last night as she did my pedi and waxed my brows and was telling me all about it. Bless her. She’d been to see my mum earlier in the day to do her pedi and my mum gave her a bottle of Prosecco and told her to drink it with me 😂😂

ArtyJ931

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81964142#Comment_81964142

I can only urge you with everything in me and everything I have experienced in life to not lose your flat money and not have any security. If you need to put it into savings until you can be on the mortgage so be it. Protect your financial security at all costs, even if it feels awkward. X

teapot2

Good advice from @ArtyJ931

Also you might want to keep your current account open if you would ever consider using it as a 'sacrificial' account when taking up one of the offers that Martin posts for account switching. Can earn quite a bit and you don't have to keep the new account going after you get the freebie. Ignore me if thats not your thing, I've done it a couple of times and its been easy.

Pink_Butterfly

Thank you both. Don’t worry, I’m being careful! OH is going to be putting me on the mortgage soon and will be transferring half of the equity to me. He knows that until that’s done I won’t be spending a penny of the flat money, as if something bad was to happen then I need that money for a deposit for another house. He’s currently working his last shift for a couple of days so he’ll have time to call them mortgage lender.

Good point about the current account, though from experience they need 2 direct debits and I don’t have any now, so not sure I’d qualify for any switch bonuses?

This is day 3 of me waking up between 4am and 4:30am and it’s making me so tired 😴 I don’t know why it keeps happening! Maybe because of the workload at work… it is a lot at the moment. I just can’t seem to catch up from my week off. My boss joked yesterday and said it’s a sign that I shouldn’t take a week off in future 😂

My alarm has just gone off so I need to shower & get ready for work. DD1 will walk to school but DD2 will need dropping off. She’s starting her SATS in 3.5 weeks and it’s all a bit heavy at the moment but not long now and then it’ll be over 🙂 She’s got a residential to look forward to afterwards as well as the school prom. She’s already been looking at dresses ☺️

teapot2

Is your bedroom dark enough @Pink_Butterfly? Its starting to get light so early now could that be waking you up? Also you've had a lot of stress lately especially with the flat shenanigans so maybe you are decompressing from that……

Re account switching, you're right that many require DDs but not all. I switched to TeeSBee last year with no DDs on the account I switched from. I just had to use my debit card a certain number of times in a set period which wasn't excessive and I managed it with my normal use.

Pink_Butterfly

It is dark enough at the moment but we do need to buy a better blind for the window by the wardrobes. We needed to take the curtain down to fit the wardrobes, meaning we only have one blind there now and it doesn’t cover the window enough. As OH sleeps in the day it’s causing him issues but soon it will cause me issues too.

I was due to pay my parents back the money they loaned to me for the deed of variation but when I checked to confirm their bank details my mum called and said they’d made a decision to just gift the money to me ❤️ I feel horribly guilty for it but they’re giving my brothers the same to make it fair. My mum said to use the money for a holiday 😂 We have obviously already booked the caravan holiday but we might also book a child-free holiday after the summer holidays are over, just for a few days. We’ll see.

OH’s mortgage lender have screwed up again, this time about the process of getting me onto the mortgage and the costs involved. OH raised the complaint with the area manager who seemed quite shocked at all the issues we’ve had and said he will do a full investigation. I think the guy who OH originally spoke to just said what OH wanted to hear to get him to sign up 🙄 It’s very annoying! At least the call was recorded so the evidence is there.

More money has been spent on fixing OH’s car 🙃 We were debating whether we should just get rid of it at this stage as it’s been nothing but trouble since he got it, but we’ve decided to just fix it this time. We want to clear the credit cards before we get another car, so that’s the plan.

Yesterday I went to DD2’s celebration assembly 🥰 She got an award for ‘being an outstanding role model’ and for ‘working hard every day so she can achieve her full potential in her SATS’. She was very proud of herself. It’s her birthday party this afternoon, finally… I can’t say I’m looking forward to it though as I have a headache. Hopefully it will go soon 😭

Pink_Butterfly

Well DD2’s birthday party went very well, though at one point my ears were ringing 🤣 The girls were LOUD! Poor DSD had to keep leaving the room with her headphones on as it was getting a bit much! They had fun though, and DD2 got a lot of pressies, so she got very spoilt again! She is a very loved girly and has a lot of friends who seem to adore and care about her 🥰

All in all it’s been a nice weekend. I randomly learned that I have a skill when it comes to shuffleboard 😂 I’d never played it before, but I went to a place that used to be a department store but now has a bunch of fun things like a bowling alley, golf, darts etc, so I tried shuffleboard there for the first time with some colleagues at a works leaving do. Turns out I’m quite good at it 😆 A very useless skill to have, but it was nice having the guys wanting me on their team, because usually I’m absolutely rubbish when it comes to anything like that 🤣

I went out for a coffee and a walk around my estate this morning with 2 close friends. There was supposed to be a 3rd friend joining us but she had to cancel because her husband had been rushed into hospital 😢 He had an operation in February as he has severe Crohn’s disease, and he went out with a friend to watch the football last night. He swears he didn’t drink much but when he got home he vomited blood, and when my friend saw him he was unconscious on the floor 😥 The friend he was out with happened to be the husband of one of my other friends who I went out with this morning, so she was telling us the bits we weren’t aware of. It must’ve been traumatising for her - she’s an anxious person anyway and I’m a bit worried this will tip her over the edge ☹️

Weirdly my other friend’s husband also said they didn’t drink a lot, yet he ended up vomiting too, so now they’re wondering if there was something up with the drinks they had. Of course they could be playing down the amount of drink they consumed but my friend said there’s no way her husband would lie to a doctor, and my other friend said her husband didn’t appear that drunk, just a bit tipsy. Hmmmmm.

After I got home from the walk OH decided to do a bbq for us all for lunch which was lush! We asked my mum if she wanted to join us but she was busy sadly. After lunch OH ordered DD1’s tall chest of drawers so hopefully that will arrive soon and then all her furniture will be done ☺️

Money news… I’ve paid off a credit card! I’ll pay off the other one shortly 😊 I can’t wait to be debt freeeeee!!!! And then take on half of a massive mortgage 🤣 Yay…. 😉

DD1 is currently out with her friends, OH is sleeping, so I might walk to my mum’s house if she’s free. I’ll see if DSD and DD2 want to come with me 😊

Pink_Butterfly

I’m officially debt free! Kinda… 🤣

All credit cards in my name have a zero balance. Yay! I will be having a huuuuuge mortgage in my name soon though 😬 I need to print off a form from the solicitors tomorrow when I’m in the office so they can start the transfer of equity process.

I spoke to the council yesterday about my council tax on the flat, as I owe them about 10 days’ worth and no-one had responded to my e-mail from 2 weeks ago. Funny that I’m chasing them when I’m the one paying 🤣 They said I should receive a revised bill soon but apparently it’ll only be about £35.

Me & OH have used some of my parents’ money to book a little 4-night holiday in September. It wasn’t a bad price at all and the hotel looks lovely so that’ll be something nice to look forward to ☺️

When me & OH created our joint budget we agreed to give ourselves £400 a month each to spend on whatever we want (clothes, nights out, beauty & hair appointments etc). So far this month I’ve spent £126.54 and OH has spent £312.76, and he’s currently out playing golf with his friends so there’ll be more spent today 🤣 I am going out for a meal next week with 2 colleagues though, so that’ll bump my spends up, and I also need to buy a pack of hair extensions for my appointment next month - I’m just waiting until there’s an offer on 😎

OH came with me to body pump last night. I’m not sure if he liked it 🤣 He certainly didn’t like all the lunges lol. I really enjoy my body pump classes and I’ve started making friends there. I’ve also been going out for walks at around 7am when I haven’t got the kids and it’s so nice & refreshing! It really wakes me up and puts me in a good mood. My Fitbit shows that I’ve been doing well with my steps over the last 5 weeks. I just need to improve the food intake, as I keep eating really well and then bingeing on chocolate 😩

I need to get back to work now as my report has finished running 😊

Pink_Butterfly

I found out tonight that the balance on OH’s credit card is higher than what he told me last month 😥 When he checked the balance last month it hadn’t updated, meaning the payment he made to clear the original balance and the balance transfer from his other card both hadn’t loaded on yet. I wasn’t happy at all. He was full of apologies and has now given me full access to the credit card online so I can see and manage it, but I’m worried that I’m becoming the money manager and he’s just giving me all the control. I don’t think that’s going to be good for our relationship so I need to think of something that is fair on both of us.

To add salt to the wound I also found out that we need to pay interest on 2 other cards that were cleared down, and he later on realised a monthly payment was coming out of one of the cards for his games console. I honestly felt so defeated when I found this out. I have worked hard on our budget, and I know he’s not on the same level as me which I’m ok with but it seems he’s absolutely nowhere near my level. I love him so much and he’s never hidden that he’s not good with money from me, so it’s not a dealbreaker, as his qualities far outweigh this, but I’m gutted that it’s going to take another 4 months or so to clear his credit card 😢

I spent a long time single and I really enjoyed the peace it brought and the security I gave myself so getting into a relationship and sharing my money with someone isn’t easy for me. I don’t want to break up with OH at all as he’s honestly the loveliest, kindest man ever, but he’s absolutely terrible with money and it makes me feel unsafe. No-one is perfect though and if that’s the only thing I have to complain about then to me it’s worth trying. I’m just hoping things calm down soon.

Oh, and I also had an e-mail from Barclaycard today saying they would not increase my credit limit like they said they would (I didn’t ask them to) because something has changed on my account or with my financial situation. I’m assuming it’s because I have no debt to my name now, but I’m worried that becoming debt free is going to impact my credit rating and stop me from getting on the mortgage! 😥

So all in all, it’s not been the best day! 😭

Positives - I’ve done almost 11K steps, I’ve finished work for the week, tomorrow I’m going to Manchester with OH to see a comedy gig (it was my birthday gift to him), and I had a call from DD1’s counsellor saying that she’s signed her off as she’s doing much better now and they both agreed no more sessions are needed 😊 which was lovely news 💕

Smudgeismydog

I’m sorry to read this and hear how deflated you seem.

I take the lead for finances in our household, we both pay into a joint account which pays all the household bills. We then pay ourselves spending month each month, we do not have to explain or justify any personal spends, but once it’s gone, it’s gone.
We also have a budget review every month to review our expenditure for the previous month and talk about any future ad hoc expenditure.

I was previously on my own following the death of my husband, and built my security after feeling vulnerable. My partner is hugely supportive and caring, but less interested in the detail around our expenditure. He does now say it’s ’budget review day’ and will sit with me with a cuppa while we go through it together.

This approach has really helped me