Midwife Trouble!

Scottish-Diva

Okay I know Im early but already Im dreading meeting my 'midwife'.
I know her from my last pregnancy and she is still there at my practice.
But it mildly the woman shouldnt be in her position, she is deeply unprofessional and caused me a few problems before with my last pregnancy.
I complained about her and nothing happened, she is still there even though I know 2 mums who also had problems with her.

No manner to be a midwife and was standoffish with me when I asked a question, told me to buy a good book.
Also told me she couldnt find a heartbeat and 28 weeks but not to worry:eek:
Her words "Cant find a heartbeat mmm, you'll need to wait for a scan" end of story.
Had to go for a scan the next day right away, everything was fine, midwife at hospital was shocked, when i told her what she said...mum reported her to the health board...I was 18 at the time and I think she just disliked young mums or something......

Now it's her again, no other midwife at the practice, but thi time Im 28 going on 29, not a little girl anymore, but still worried about meeting her again...mum says she will come too:rotfl: but I want to do this myself....

Cant change gp or practice as it's the nearest to me by miles....
any advice

Mojisola

I would suggest taking your Mum with you. Moral support when you are in a vunerable position can be very empowering - apart from anything else, if the midwife acts/speaks unprofessionally there will be two of you to confirm how she behaved.

flutsy

I can't offer advice but would like to offer support. Am sure a lot of the forum are behind you on this one. You must feel slightly trapped. At least you are now older and wiser (and know what she is like).

She may have improved - you never know.

Anyone got any suggestions?

mrcow

I'm now on my fourth baby and in my experience midwifes vary greatly in their social skills and practical knowledge of pregnancy and having babies.

The best advice I can offer is to go with the flow and see her but don't take any rubbish from her and definitely don't allow her to upset you. I've had midwifes saying the most stupidest things ever to me before. The difference between having my first and now, is now that I can recognise it for what it is and am confident enough to deal with it.

You may find that this time round it's a completely different experience to last time.

And congratulations btw! :beer:

thatgirlsam

could you have a word with your g.p and explain the situation, they might be able to help. im a midwifery c.a and just got to say most are fab! sam x

stardoman

I do think that some midwives are on a power trip and if they think mum is young / quiet / polite will do their utmost to cause distress.

I had an accident the day I was admitted to hospital to be induced with my first baby. My husband is mild mannered and polite and thus her initial response was to tell him that I was fine and that I did not need to see a doctor about my leg (I could not walk as I was in so much pain). Fortunately, he is also stubborn and knowing me well, could see how much pain I was in. He became insisitant and again she refused, so he went to see the matron.

A doctor was sent over from A&E and I was examined and sorted out. This midwife was not happy at being over ruled and let me know about it when my husband left. To say she was unpleasant is an understament. When my waters broke she told me off for wetting the bed and would not believe that it was my waters (it was my waters incidently, but highly embarassing as she did some sort of litmus test while informing the ward that this women has wet herself).

But back to your situation. I believe that you can get your gp to do the basic checks and don't have to see a midwife. My friend hired an independant midwife, but this cost around £2000K including the homebirth.

HTH. Mandy.

Ishtar

As already mentioned have a word with your GP and see if you can be seen by someone else - if you've got a community midwife team based locally, then surely you could be looked after by one of the others?

Take your mum with you for moral support - the midwife might have mellowed over the years (or picked up some social skills!), and if she hasn't then you need to find someone you're comfortable with.

I'm expecting my second child and have to say the experience is very different this time around - you might find that you hardly see her. I'm 16 weeks and have seen the midwife once and I'm only scheduled to see her around 5 times throughout my whole pregnancy, providing all goes well.

Hope you sort something out soon.

D.

Barbiegirl_2

Hi I haven't read every reply but I had the same problem second time around. I complained to the hospital and they had a word with her - so they say but also advised that I change my care to the community midwives clinic. I have been doing this for a few months now so it might work for you. All the best and good luck.

Scottish-Diva

thank you to everyone who replied.
I think a lot of it had to do with my age the last time and due to the fact that I was so nervous about the whole thing.
Im going to give her a chance and see how it goes.

If that fails Im off to see my gp and ask for her opinion and help.
Mum says she may have mellowed but I think she will remember me and the fact we reported her..

In all honesty, midwifes do have such a special job, they are a support for mums with no one else around and they should treat their jobs as such.

I know a mum from the playgroup with 6:eek: children and she has an independent midwife and has home births, due to the fact that she had an unpleasent experience...not with the same midwife as me, but with another one....
I must admit that the hospital midwifes who delivered me where excellent so professional and made me relax, so I do know it's not them all....
I'll report back after my first meeting:rolleyes:

MissEyre

Good luck, and good for you for being prepared to stand up for yourself! Anyone in a position of responsibility like a MW should know better than to upset or distress anyone they have professional contact with, but sadly a lot of them ignore this.
Hope it all goes well, keep us posted! x

Strapped

You could change practice just for your maternity care or could request to be seen at the hospital clinic instead. Personally, I wouldn't want to feel forced to see someone again who had upset me that much. (Had an unfortunate incident with a M/W when I went into the hospital day centre for monitoring with baby #2; when she found out that I had booked with an independent birth centre for the birth she launched into a long lecture about how selfish I was, and it was a good job that there were M/Ws around like her who "actually cared about the baby" :mad: I did report her later after baby arrived and the hospital advised me that she would be having some further training...) Is an independent M/W an option for you, financially?