Living with partner - how much money to ask for

ButterCheese

I moved in with my ex-wife before we were married, it was her home and all mortgage and bills were in her name.  The mortgage company would not take her ex off the mortgage but were able to make it 99% her and 1% him.  Anyway, we worked out half of the mortgage and half of the bills and food. It came to a little under £500.  This was 14 years ago.  I did argue as low a share as possible because she also had child support coming in from 2 dads (of her 2 children) and I didn't want to be paying half for 2 other children when she was claiming that of their fathers.  When we married and had a child, my name was then put on the mortgage and I upped my share to I think £550.  We still kept separate finances right up until we divorced!

Sarahspangles

Arsenal2019 said:

Hi

i bought a house maybe three months ago now and I’ve been living here with my partner. The deposit and mortgage was and is paid by myself and my partner has paid no contributions towards the mortgage or council tax.  The mortgage is solely in my name.

I was wondering if anyone is in the same boat and would like to know what is a reasonable amount of money to ask for my partner to contribute or give to me each month to help cover for bills or shopping or whatever as we both live under the same house . Obviously, I don’t want to take the Mick just whatever it seemed to be fair. To me, I would’ve said shopping and heating and electric so maybe £500 per month.?

I guess it can be just a hard or awkward conversation to have 

When my OH initially moved in I treated him as a housemate until he wasn’t. He paid half of the bills excluding the remaining mortgage. Some people also charge something like ‘rent’, in which case you do need to have something formalised so there is no confusion about whether the partner is acquiring some claim to ownership.

It’s really not taking the mickey to agree a fair split. If it’s significantly cheaper for someone to move in than it would be to house share with another adult then there’s a point where someone is a sugar daddy/mummy.

sammyjammy

Sarahspangles said:

Arsenal2019 said:

Hi

i bought a house maybe three months ago now and I’ve been living here with my partner. The deposit and mortgage was and is paid by myself and my partner has paid no contributions towards the mortgage or council tax.  The mortgage is solely in my name.

I was wondering if anyone is in the same boat and would like to know what is a reasonable amount of money to ask for my partner to contribute or give to me each month to help cover for bills or shopping or whatever as we both live under the same house . Obviously, I don’t want to take the Mick just whatever it seemed to be fair. To me, I would’ve said shopping and heating and electric so maybe £500 per month.?

I guess it can be just a hard or awkward conversation to have 

When my OH initially moved in I treated him as a housemate until he wasn’t. He paid half of the bills excluding the remaining mortgage. Some people also charge something like ‘rent’, in which case you do need to have something formalised so there is no confusion about whether the partner is acquiring some claim to ownership.

It’s really not taking the mickey to agree a fair split. If it’s significantly cheaper for someone to move in than it would be to house share with another adult then there’s a point where someone is a sugar daddy/mummy.

Don't disagree but there does have to be a balance, the partner has no rights to live in the house and can be removed with next to no notice.

Sarahspangles

sammyjammy said:

Sarahspangles said:

Arsenal2019 said:

Hi

i bought a house maybe three months ago now and I’ve been living here with my partner. The deposit and mortgage was and is paid by myself and my partner has paid no contributions towards the mortgage or council tax.  The mortgage is solely in my name.

I was wondering if anyone is in the same boat and would like to know what is a reasonable amount of money to ask for my partner to contribute or give to me each month to help cover for bills or shopping or whatever as we both live under the same house . Obviously, I don’t want to take the Mick just whatever it seemed to be fair. To me, I would’ve said shopping and heating and electric so maybe £500 per month.?

I guess it can be just a hard or awkward conversation to have 

When my OH initially moved in I treated him as a housemate until he wasn’t. He paid half of the bills excluding the remaining mortgage. Some people also charge something like ‘rent’, in which case you do need to have something formalised so there is no confusion about whether the partner is acquiring some claim to ownership.

It’s really not taking the mickey to agree a fair split. If it’s significantly cheaper for someone to move in than it would be to house share with another adult then there’s a point where someone is a sugar daddy/mummy.

Don't disagree but there does have to be a balance, the partner has no rights to live in the house and can be removed with next to no notice.

I agree but this is also something that can be covered in the Living Together Agreement. It protects both parties. If it’s reasonable for someone to have a month to make alternative arrangements then agree that.

It was certainly a bit awkward when I first raised making an agreement, but actually when we’d gone through it OH agreed he was pleased he had. We were both assuming things on the basis they were ‘obvious’, but our assumptions were different. At the time the characters on Big Bang Theory had a running joke about the Living Together Agreement, and we did too.

I think the other way an Agreement is useful is that you can choose to disclose the state of your finances. Again, there are plenty of examples on the debt boards where people find out rather late that their partner’s debt or financial history will impact them.

tacpot12

sammyjammy said:

Sarahspangles said:

Arsenal2019 said:

Hi

i bought a house maybe three months ago now and I’ve been living here with my partner. The deposit and mortgage was and is paid by myself and my partner has paid no contributions towards the mortgage or council tax.  The mortgage is solely in my name.

I was wondering if anyone is in the same boat and would like to know what is a reasonable amount of money to ask for my partner to contribute or give to me each month to help cover for bills or shopping or whatever as we both live under the same house . Obviously, I don’t want to take the Mick just whatever it seemed to be fair. To me, I would’ve said shopping and heating and electric so maybe £500 per month.?

I guess it can be just a hard or awkward conversation to have 

When my OH initially moved in I treated him as a housemate until he wasn’t. He paid half of the bills excluding the remaining mortgage. Some people also charge something like ‘rent’, in which case you do need to have something formalised so there is no confusion about whether the partner is acquiring some claim to ownership.

It’s really not taking the mickey to agree a fair split. If it’s significantly cheaper for someone to move in than it would be to house share with another adult then there’s a point where someone is a sugar daddy/mummy.

Don't disagree but there does have to be a balance, the partner has no rights to live in the house and can be removed with next to no notice.

This is something that many partners don't realise. If you aren't married, and you don't have any beneficial interest in the house because you haven't contributed to the mortgage, then you are a guest (technically, a bare licensee) and can be asked to leave with any reasonable notice. This notice might be less than a week because you can move to somewhere temporary like an AirBnB while you find somewhere to rent. Your property has to be stored safely for a reasonable time, so you can't argue that you can't more out because you haven't found a place to rent yet. 

There are a few situations where this isn't the case, but generally it is. This webpage tell you more about the situations where you might have a right to stay in the home if the relationship breaks down: Occupation rights if one partner is the sole owner - Shelter England 

ButterCheese

I was going to add; I think it is fair to ask for half the rent/food/bills at the very least.  There are some more complicated things to consider for contribution for just living there:

1: You could ask for half the mortgage, but bear in mind you have more interest in the property than your partner does i.e. it's an appreciating assett

2: Consider rental rates for a room in a shared house in the same area, of the same size, conveniences etc.  This would likely be in excess of £800/month so it might be a bit much to ask for that!

C:  You could ask for the lesser of either half the mortgage cost or the cost of a room to rent in a simialr house to yours.  You don't want to necessarily profit too much from having your partner live there, but then again you are the one with the mortgage and therefore the risk/responsibility.

In general, I'd also have a think about how this might go if your relationship escalates (marriage/civil partnership) or if you break up.  Even when my name was added to the mortgage, I was still essentially paying rent and half the costs which if course I didn't mind.  When we got divorced I asked for nothing (I just moved out).  In hindsight we should have put something in place, as I was paying in to the house (an appreciating assett) and I then had nothing to show for it when I moved out.  Luckily for me, my ex consulted a solicitor when she met a new partner, and has said I am now owed some money if they sell the house.  We do have a good relationship but many people to do and you have to think about what could happen if things turn ugly (I hope they don't!).  But it means nothing if it's not in writing.  I half expect for my ex not to move house, or to move house and then renege on our verbal agreement.  If that happens, so be it.  But if she sells up and I get money then it'll be a bonus.

DullGreyGuy

Arsenal2019 said:

Hi

i bought a house maybe three months ago now and I’ve been living here with my partner. The deposit and mortgage was and is paid by myself and my partner has paid no contributions towards the mortgage or council tax.  The mortgage is solely in my name.

I was wondering if anyone is in the same boat and would like to know what is a reasonable amount of money to ask for my partner to contribute or give to me each month to help cover for bills or shopping or whatever as we both live under the same house . Obviously, I don’t want to take the Mick just whatever it seemed to be fair. To me, I would’ve said shopping and heating and electric so maybe £500 per month.?

I guess it can be just a hard or awkward conversation to have 

Why did they move in before you'd agreed these things? The longer you leave it the more difficult it will become. 

It somewhat depends on the seriousness of the relationship, your intents and concerns. Some are worried their partner will get rights to the property if they contribute to repaying the mortgage, some dont want to give their partners rights to stay in the property if they "rent" to them, obviously from the other side of the equation they've presumably given up where they live and so are now vulnerable to you kicking them out with no where to go etc. 

These things have to be worked out by those involved who know the situation better than any internet stranger. Some will go 50/50 on everything, some will look at what a room in a shared house is and charge a "rent" on something similar, some will just look at the delta caused by them living there, others will allow them to live for free. 

Arsenal2019

DullGreyGuy said:

Arsenal2019 said:

Hi

i bought a house maybe three months ago now and I’ve been living here with my partner. The deposit and mortgage was and is paid by myself and my partner has paid no contributions towards the mortgage or council tax.  The mortgage is solely in my name.

I was wondering if anyone is in the same boat and would like to know what is a reasonable amount of money to ask for my partner to contribute or give to me each month to help cover for bills or shopping or whatever as we both live under the same house . Obviously, I don’t want to take the Mick just whatever it seemed to be fair. To me, I would’ve said shopping and heating and electric so maybe £500 per month.?

I guess it can be just a hard or awkward conversation to have 

Why did they move in before you'd agreed these things? The longer you leave it the more difficult it will become. 

It somewhat depends on the seriousness of the relationship, your intents and concerns. Some are worried their partner will get rights to the property if they contribute to repaying the mortgage, some dont want to give their partners rights to stay in the property if they "rent" to them, obviously from the other side of the equation they've presumably given up where they live and so are now vulnerable to you kicking them out with no where to go etc. 

These things have to be worked out by those involved who know the situation better than any internet stranger. Some will go 50/50 on everything, some will look at what a room in a shared house is and charge a "rent" on something similar, some will just look at the delta caused by them living there, others will allow them to live for free. 

It was mentioned but in passing-

I will bring it up today but I think if they pay for shipping and an extra 200/300, I think that’s fair enough 

LightFlare

sammyjammy said:

Why wouldn't you have agreed this when he moved in?  It would be better from an ownership point of view if he took responsibility for paying certain bills rather than give you cash, giving cash could be  perceived further down the line as contributing to the mortgage.

I havent seen any mention with regards to he/she (not that it would make any difference)

OP has been very generic on that detail

Arsenal2019

LightFlare said:

sammyjammy said:

Why wouldn't you have agreed this when he moved in?  It would be better from an ownership point of view if he took responsibility for paying certain bills rather than give you cash, giving cash could be  perceived further down the line as contributing to the mortgage.

I havent seen any mention with regards to he/she (not that it would make any difference)

OP has been very generic on that detail

I hadn’t thought of it like that to be honest . so are you guys saying then I should sit at the direct debits for the bills which I want her to pay in her name rather than mine and obviously it’s shopping could be covered by her too. that seems fair I think