Mum keep sending money to mail fraudsters-any ideas?

bookduck

I have an elderly parent (83) who keeps getting letters stating she is a winner to lotteries and 'reports'. By now should be one of the riches people in the UK, but is far from rich.

My Mum had to go into hospital 4 Saturdays ago - stroke. On Monday she managed to tell me she had this important letter. On Tuesday being slightly better the first thing she wanted was not a 'Hello', but for me go home and get 'the letter', add a postal order and sent it off to USA and give her the receipt.

I uncovered two large Tesco's bags of letters from around June till now, but his has been going on for years. She has already sent thousands of pounds away, plus made phone calls to those expensive numbers (partakes in expensive £45 for 3 phone calls in the previous quarter - 2 months) claiming her prize.

The best 'prize' (actually a non discounted offer) she ever got was via the phone was a mountain hiking holiday in Austria. Probably not the best offer for the frail and elderly that have trouble walking. Also included was the cost to get there by coach, but no return journey.

One of the latest ones which she did stopped sending off money (probably ran out of cash) to have contacted her again via a different name saying that company X have not paid out and could she forward them money to take legal proceedings against company X.

Some of the letters even have their closing date 10 years in the future.

Another one states in T&C that the prize money is shareable over multiple products and the closing date may be changed.

These letters just take advantage of the elderly, diminish their pension and give them false hope. There have been times where she had no money for food. Currently she spends about £200 to £300 per week on these letters. Some of them she even writes to the people treating them as friends.

I have tried to talk her out of this, but she insists that the letter promises her money and that she is a winner, and I am wrong, I am always putting her down etc.. Also she believes that she is going to win £2,500,000 + even tough the small print says a maximum of £600 to 1 in 1,000,000 people, and down to 60p to everyone . We argue about this virtually every Sunday when I visit her.

I've already approached age concern, police, local sorting office, local post office and MPS. I hoped I could get this sorted out by the time she left the hospital, but unfortunately that was not the case. No one is interested ands he keeps getting 15-20+ letters a day.

I realise she is a gabling addict. She also realises she is a gambling addict, but enjoys the thrill and it breaks up the boredom. Soon will be well enough to leave her house, visit the bank and the post office as they are virtually next door.

Any ideas?

amandada

You've maybe already done it, but I wonder if registering with the Mailing and Telephone Preference services would make any difference at least to the amount of this rubbish she receives?

My other thought, but it would need her agreement, would be to have her mail redirected to your address....I know this costs, but it would be a lot less than she's throwing at these scams

webtalk

amandada wrote: »

You've maybe already done it, but I wonder if registering with the Mailing and Telephone Preference services would make any difference at least to the amount of this rubbish she receives?

I was going to suggest this as well - no junk mail or phone calls. However, please be aware that some still slip through the net. This is particularly the case with telephone calls as some out-of-country organisations use auto-dial (or whatever it is called).

You can also register with (Royal Mail I think) so that no unaddressed mail is delivered.

I think you can also get all sorts of blocks put on the phone - no calls to premium numbers and, possibly, no incoming calls unless the numbers are registered. Try talking to the telephone provider to check out options available.

Sorry to bring this up, but given her age it might be worth thinking about whether it is just a gambling addiction or if there's some loss of mental capacity as well. If she's a history of gambling and she's losing capacity this could very well create an awful problem - particularly if she owns her home.

Speak to her GP or anyone close to her in case they've spotted anything.

Also, depending on her capacity, you might want to consider making most of her accounts 'two to sign' so that she can't draw on them without your signature as well. And just leave her with a working current account or something.

Speak to Trading Standards - though I don't know if there's much that can be done.

You have two choices in this - not upset your mother in the short term and allow things to continue as they are or, to bite the bullet and have a bleak discussion with her. She may send you away with a flea in your ear if you do the latter, but if she has capacity then there's nothing you can do. If her capacity is diminished then you need to speak to a lawyer about your options. Always involved other members of the family if you can to prevent acrimonious battles further down the line.

bookduck

Mailing and Telephone Preference services - done this, but she will not let me re-direct the mail as she enjoys the thrill of opening it up and the £2,500,000 cheque. ..... Then comes the depression.

Unfortunately all the mail is addressed as the scammers sell on the details.

I think she has always had this problem, as my dad mentioned something to me when I was around 11 that he wanted to drag my mum away from the fruit machines as my mum "likes the machines too much". Now I know what he meant.

Mental capacity is out of the question, she is very well with it.

The two to signatures is a no go, I've already been told it is her money and she can do what she likes with it and she 'will not be held prisoner'.

Much of the problem is too much free time, unsocial and no friends. Unfortunately she is very difficult to get on with, outspoken (sharp tongue), strong willed and has a long memory so if the person upsets her, she still argues that point 9 months on - yes, 9 months on and even calls the person out of the blue to make her point!!!

Ideally I'd like to intercept the postman, but since I do not live there and am at work too - no go. I'd even pay the postman, but think that would be illegal and he may loose his job if it got found out.

I am the only child and relative wise she had a brother and a sister in other countries. The property is a council one, so no worries there.

On the 26th of Dec I withdrew £300 from her account and today (4 days) she wanted some money to send off - not bad for being housebound £36 did go on food. I need to find out which neighbours is buying the Postal Orders, but that will not prevent it in the long run. And no, I did not give her the cash to send.

whitewing

Is there a Gambler's Anonymous (for relatives of a gambler) so that you can get some support in dealing with this. It strikes me that for now you may not be able to do much that you haven't tried already, except possibly speak confidentially to her GP or NHS Direct.

But anyway, you shouldn't have to be handling this without a friendly ear. (We'll do our best on here, of course).

whitewing

Or you could try contacting MIND - they may be able to give you some ideas

Savvy_Sue

I'm sorry to say that if she has mental capacity then I don't think there is anything you can do: you can't get her post re-directed, and you can't contact either the MPS or the TPS on her behalf. And you're right, the postman would lose his job if he could be shown to be responsible for any of your mother's post not reaching her.

You say she's in a council property: is the rent being paid? I know it's not easy, but I think if it is, then I would let her get on with it. If it's not, I would maybe alert her housing officer to what is going on, but again, without your mother's permission there is probably very little you can do.

I do not know if gam-anon would be any help to you: it is for the friends and relatives of those with a gambling problem, and if anyone has any ideas, it will be them.

seven-day-weekend

Hmmm, nasty one!

I suppose if she has all her faculties then in the end it is her money and if she doesn't want any help then there is not a lot you can do for her.

But you can have help and support - gam-anon seems like a good bet (pun intended) and may also be able to offer advice and support.

I wish you well.

Tiff_2

Hi bookduck!:hello:
I'm sorry to hear that your mum is being taken advantage
of in this way. It sounds as though you're at an in-between stage where it's very hard to save her from herself, especially as she doesn't feel that she has a problem.

There are two things that may help her realise just what the deal really is. You can blind her with factual evidence from reliable and respectable sources like the BBC, the Office of Fair Trading and the American Postal Service where many are illegal, as in Canada. There is records of Canadian police investigating scams here in the UK. The common sense facta to be made are that millions get these letters, and how could they possibly notify her of a win in something she has never entered - especialy from another country?! (Which I'm sure you've already tried hunnie.)
I'm no professional, but here are some links which may help...

http://www.oft.gov.uk/search?pg=1

http://www.oft.gov.uk/oft_at_work/consumer_initiatives/scams/beating

http://www.oft.gov.uk/news/press/2007/27-07

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4247457.stm

http://www.usps.com/postalinspectors/fraud/chainlet.htm

The other method of possibly stopping this is by finding ways for your mum to get her fix in less costly ways. How about getting her involved in playing weekly at the large national bingo halls, where thousands can be occasionally won? She doesn't necessarily have to go with a friend if she's that independant - many sit alone. At least with the large money bingo games, there's a small chance of an immediate return.
What about very occasional days/nights out for dog-racing/horse-racing, which can be social occasions with supper included too?

Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not condoning gambling, angel. I'm trying to make suggestions that, if set up properly, might be an exercise in damage limitation. Gambling costs dearly and we all know what the consequences can be, sadly. Your mum sounds doggedly set in her ways and I think you'll find it hard at her age, to cure her of the gambling bug altogether.
And as far as getting your mum out hunnie, there should be a voluntary befriending service in your area (under CVS and/or Social Services), and they'll probably have volunteers who take out very independant and opinionated people and so they won't be so easily offended. I'd also keep her gp regularly informed hun, of the situation.

Also this link from MIND may be helpful...
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+addiction+and+dependency.htm

I hope something here will be helpful to you angel. Best wishes.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

wolfehouse

tiff had some good ideas

iknow nothing about gambling addiction but just always wondered if the same addiction couldn't be redirected to other things like entering free web competitions (a la loquax and the comps forum here).
then she maybe could get the same buzz from 'winning' freebies and comps without paying the price.

maybe someone with a knowledge of the condition would have an opinion on that (is it just perpetuating it??)

ailuro2

Great idea to get her a pc and into online comps- but then she might sit playing bingo online,or worse still- online poker?

Isn't there a competitions magazine available? I think I've seen one somewhere.

Best Wishes to you, it's a terribly hard position to be in the middle of....