Paying off £37065 unsecured debt by July 2027 while continuing to travel this amazing world

Nintud

Sarahwithlove said:

How old is your neet child? Are they entitled to any benefits in their own right? 

Neet child is 17, turns 18 in 5 months time. I don’t think he can claim anything until he turns 18.  I really hope he is working by then as I fear he will become acclimatised to life as a sloth.  His older siblings are graduates. He missed the line when motivation was being given out. 

Lots of issues in year 11 and he left school without any qualifications. Actually attended college and passed GCSE maths and English and a Level 1 qualification, but his attitude sucks and college (quite rightly) wouldn’t put up with that. It might seem odd to onlookers, but I’m really proud of the academic progress he has made. He passed the maths in November despite having had no tuition January -June. He’s capable enough, he’s just totally unmotivated.

Sarahwithlove

Nintud said:

Sarahwithlove said:

How old is your neet child? Are they entitled to any benefits in their own right? 

Neet child is 17, turns 18 in 5 months time. I don’t think he can claim anything until he turns 18.  I really hope he is working by then as I fear he will become acclimatised to life as a sloth.  His older siblings are graduates. He missed the line when motivation was being given out. 

Lots of issues in year 11 and he left school without any qualifications. Actually attended college and passed GCSE maths and English and a Level 1 qualification, but his attitude sucks and college (quite rightly) wouldn’t put up with that. It might seem odd to onlookers, but I’m really proud of the academic progress he has made. He passed the maths in November despite having had no tuition January -June. He’s capable enough, he’s just totally unmotivated.

I assume that's part of his condition though him not having motivation. Does he get any disability benefits or are his needs not that high? UC can be applied for if he has limited capability for work. Don't know if that helps? 

Nintud

Sarahwithlove said:

Nintud said:

Sarahwithlove said:

How old is your neet child? Are they entitled to any benefits in their own right? 

Neet child is 17, turns 18 in 5 months time. I don’t think he can claim anything until he turns 18.  I really hope he is working by then as I fear he will become acclimatised to life as a sloth.  His older siblings are graduates. He missed the line when motivation was being given out. 

Lots of issues in year 11 and he left school without any qualifications. Actually attended college and passed GCSE maths and English and a Level 1 qualification, but his attitude sucks and college (quite rightly) wouldn’t put up with that. It might seem odd to onlookers, but I’m really proud of the academic progress he has made. He passed the maths in November despite having had no tuition January -June. He’s capable enough, he’s just totally unmotivated.

I assume that's part of his condition though him not having motivation. Does he get any disability benefits or are his needs not that high? UC can be applied for if he has limited capability for work. Don't know if that helps? 

He doesn’t have any diagnosed conditions. I got him an appointment with CAHMS but he refused to go. GP was no help. He accepted some counselling, but barely engaged with that. He improved enough at college to attend, but continued to drift into classes late. Love him, don’t love the victim complex that goes with him.

Obstinacy is his condition. He has a superb line in excuses.

HearThem

I think perhaps a different lens might help with helping your NEET child. Children (even lazy teenage ones!) are rarely giving a hard time as much as they are having a hard time. 

I have a 19yo who was diagnosed Autistic when he was 17. He had muddled through mainstream school with little indication other than not meeting his “potential”. He is bright but completely unable to “apply himself” or turn up to exams so left with no qualifications. He has now been in autistic burnout and home full time for the past year. He is also ADHD. 

I have little in terms of real life advice on how to move forward but felt compelled to say something. 

Hope your trip to Paris is fun 🤩 

Nintud

HearThem said:

I think perhaps a different lens might help with helping your NEET child. Children (even lazy teenage ones!) are rarely giving a hard time as much as they are having a hard time. 

I have a 19yo who was diagnosed Autistic when he was 17. He had muddled through mainstream school with little indication other than not meeting his “potential”. He is bright but completely unable to “apply himself” or turn up to exams so left with no qualifications. He has now been in autistic burnout and home full time for the past year. He is also ADHD. 

I have little in terms of real life advice on how to move forward but felt compelled to say something. 

Hope your trip to Paris is fun 🤩 

I have considered that he might be on the spectrum as two of my cousins children have a diagnosis.

He definitely has social anxiety, but mainly his issues are friendship group related and self- medicating (if you get my gist).  That was what the counselling was for.  He has changed his pharmaceutical of choice after reading up on the bladder effects, but he is heavily reliant on a supposedly lesser evil. I’m grateful that he has stopped the worse stuff, but see no sign of him going without.

Ive followed the counsellors advice to the letter, but as she says, it’s him that has to make the choice to stop.

The bloke he did his work experience with has offered to give him some labouring work. All he has to do is text that he wants to do it.  It’s been over a week since I first told him about this opportunity.  It’s so frustrating, at his age I was working three part-time jobs and attending college.  It’s like he sees how hard his Dad and I work, and has decided that work isn’t for him.

Nintud

Another £5 sale on Vinted. I’ve accepted an offer on a £6.50 dress and am just waiting for the buyer to pay.

a dress sold for £1 a few days ago. It’s been in Vinted for months. Can I find it anywhere?  I think I must have donated it to charity. I have a few more days to find it before I apologise and cancel the sale.

Nintud

Also uploaded another four dresses. Will upload a few more when I get back from the bedtime dog walk. The downside for me (but not the dogs) of living in a flat, is having to walk them in all weather three times a day. Manhandling two excited dogs down two flights of stairs (and trying to be quiet about it) is not my favourite activity. Walking is fine, but the exit to do so can be treacherous.

HearThem

Nintud said:

HearThem said:

I think perhaps a different lens might help with helping your NEET child. Children (even lazy teenage ones!) are rarely giving a hard time as much as they are having a hard time. 

I have a 19yo who was diagnosed Autistic when he was 17. He had muddled through mainstream school with little indication other than not meeting his “potential”. He is bright but completely unable to “apply himself” or turn up to exams so left with no qualifications. He has now been in autistic burnout and home full time for the past year. He is also ADHD. 

I have little in terms of real life advice on how to move forward but felt compelled to say something. 

Hope your trip to Paris is fun 🤩 

I have considered that he might be on the spectrum as two of my cousins children have a diagnosis.

He definitely has social anxiety, but mainly his issues are friendship group related and self- medicating (if you get my gist).  That was what the counselling was for.  He has changed his pharmaceutical of choice after reading up on the bladder effects, but he is heavily reliant on a supposedly lesser evil. I’m grateful that he has stopped the worse stuff, but see no sign of him going without.

Ive followed the counsellors advice to the letter, but as she says, it’s him that has to make the choice to stop.

The bloke he did his work experience with has offered to give him some labouring work. All he has to do is text that he wants to do it.  It’s been over a week since I first told him about this opportunity.  It’s so frustrating, at his age I was working three part-time jobs and attending college.  It’s like he sees how hard his Dad and I work, and has decided that work isn’t for him.

This screams out to me there is more going on for him. Have you gone through any online quizzes to get a better idea if there is in fact underlying ND? 

Try not to compare, although I know how hard that is. I was SA and in an abusive situation from age 13 and gave birth to my eldest aged 14 so had to grow up very quickly, however it would be unfair for me to expect my own children to have even close to the independence I had at a similar age, putting aside the fact all three of them are ASD/ADHD or both! It has definitely made me reevaluate what’s important in life vs what’s generally expected. 

Sending hugs, it’s so difficult when they don’t follow the typical path. 

Nintud

Thanks HearThem. I will look for an online quiz. He didn’t show any signs until year 9.  He lacks resilience. I know I’m comparing here, but his brother doesn’t use life events to excuse his poor behaviour, however Child5 often uses things that have happened (his Dad’s cancer diagnosis, his Grandfather’s COPD, his uncles death, his grandma moving to a care home due to dementia, the divorce, a new stepfamily) saying he’s had a tough life. I can’t do anything about those things. We have to ride with them and adapt. He carries a strange guilt burden too. I lost a baby mid-term before I had him (placental abruption) and occasionally he will say that he wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t died.  Clearly he has no responsibility for her death, and he was a much wanted baby. Timing wise, I couldn’t have had that baby and him (only 8 months between her due date and his birth), but I have never said I’d rather I had her than him. That’s definitely not an issue. What happened, happened and he was my gift.  The first time he said it I was shocked. I think he misses having a sister close in age, he choked me up recently when he told me his bank PIN number and it’s her birthday.

He may my toughest child to raise, but he’s absolutely lovely when he wants to be.

Nintud

I called Santander to lower my OD, as I have done for the past two months. This month though, the computer refused to lower it. Apparently it’s seen as an OD application and I can’t have £2850. Totally ridiculous as I currently have a £2900 OD limit. 

The lady on the phone says this differs month by month and to try again next month.  She suggested that I put £50 into a savings account to repay the OD in a chunk in a few months time. I have done that and will need to keep an eye on my bank balance to ensure it doesn’t go over £2850 by pay day.  I wanted the ability to go over £2850 taken away, so this will now be a test of my ability to avoid temptation.

Breakfast was two millionaire shortcake mini bites and coffee made with milk left over from the meeting. Lunch has been sushi, also meeting left overs.  Yayyy to free food!

I’ve frozen the left over ys malt loaf as I can’t eat that and all the meeting leftovers. I’ve no idea if malt loaf freezes. 

Currently waiting on a break in the rain. Pooches need their afternoon walk. Biggest pooch hates getting wet, so it may be an afternoon drag to begin with. She’s stubborn, and will pull back and refuse to walk once she realises it’s raining.

Another £5 sale on Vinted 😁