Fleeing domestic abuse help.

elsien

I also think your father should be reconsidering his role as the future power of attorney.

Because the duty of a power of attorney is to act in the best interests of the person when they can no longer make those decisions for themselves and I query how someone stuck in an abusive relationship is  going to be able to put aside their own needs and wishes  to make decisions purely in the  best interests of the abuser.  It would be open to scrutiny and potential challenge.
Given the slightly knee-jerk suggestion above of the possible future care home for mum, how is that going look to disinterested parties if it appears that you are putting her in a home to get the house for yourselves? I’m not saying that’s what would be happening, I’m saying that’s what the perception could be and whether that’s really an entanglement and added source of stress that your father wants to get himself into? 

If neither of you want anything to do with her once you have managed to break away, is that a responsibility that your dad would  want to keep?

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover

GDB2222 said:

Of course, if you do move out, or she does, you still may not have access to the car. 

We know.
But both dad and I get high rate pip so one of us would have to apply for a car. 

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover

RAS said:

You don't need her to see a doctor. You and dad go to see your GP and share specific examples of her behaviour and it's impact on you. Chances are the GP will then find some way of arranging a appointment with her. 

You document all incidents. You contact a family abuse charity and speak to them. You may then go to report her to the police. 

We’ve spoken to a doctor on numerous occasions and he just suggested getting out the house more just the two of us (easier said than done with our health), and that’s about it. Nothing else. 

RAS

In which case, you definitely need to talk to domestic abuse charities. A link to the mensdaviceline that could support your father was given earlier.

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover

elsien said:

I also think your father should be reconsidering his role as the future power of attorney.

Because the duty of a power of attorney is to act in the best interests of the person when they can no longer make those decisions for themselves and I query how someone stuck in an abusive relationship is  going to be able to put aside their own needs and wishes  to make decisions purely in the  best interests of the abuser.  It would be open to scrutiny and potential challenge.
Given the slightly knee-jerk suggestion above of the possible future care home for mum, how is that going look to disinterested parties if it appears that you are putting her in a home to get the house for yourselves? I’m not saying that’s what would be happening, I’m saying that’s what the perception could be and whether that’s really an entanglement and added source of stress that your father wants to get himself into? 

If neither of you want anything to do with her once you have managed to break away, is that a responsibility that your dad would  want to keep?

Honestly it’s easy to separate those feelings. If he were to do something bad he’d be just like her and he isn’t. He wouldn’t do anything to harm her (unless it was self defence).

If we manage to get out of this situation he’d give it up of attorney and she would be left to her own devices/her side of the family would have to deal with her. We would completely cut all ties. 

A care home isn’t really viable or necessary for her. She’d have the house, or she would have to move in with her sister, or go to the council and find somewhere herself. Then the home could be sold and each would take half of the earnings (once the mortgage is paid off). 

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover

RAS said:

In which case, you definitely need to talk to domestic abuse charities. A link to the mensdaviceline that could support your father was given earlier.

What charities?

GDB2222

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-getting-help/

This gives a telephone number for the national helpline. That seems a good starting point. 

elsien

Also, the link posted in the very first reply in the thread?