Fleeing domestic abuse help.

RAS

Start recording things.

Any controlling or coercive behaviour? 

Auti

Just a thought - if there is power of attorney for your mother is that due to disability? Is she becoming ill -dementia type. Maybe she needs to see a dr? Or maybe you and your Dad need to approach your GP and ask for assessments for yourselves so maybe you both can get some more support and so can your mother.

Please do not be offended by my thoughts - I mean no disrespect.

elsien

She may well have done a power-of-attorney when she’s absolutely fine in case it’s needed in the future.
That’s what most people do. It doesn’t mean she has any issues now. 

GDB2222

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover said:

My dad and I have been facing domestic abuse at the hands of my mother for many years. We have been thinking about leaving for a few months but we don’t know how to. We our both disabled adults, receiving high pip on both, and UC with LCWRA. Financially we aren’t well off and have zero savings. We also have six cats that we’d like to keep, and get away from her too. 

Things just keep getting worse and we have both hit our breaking points. Physically and mentally we’ve hit our limits. 

Is there help out there we can get?
How do we access help?

To summarise, Mum has been shouting for years, but this has been getting worse. Is this a sudden worsening, or it’s been gradual?  The reason I ask is that there could be underlying reasons for the deteriorating behaviour - perhaps dementia or other neurological issues. 

The first thing you need is a diagnosis, and the first port of call is probably Mum’s GP. It’s not just an academic exorcise, as it is possible that Mum needs to go into a home if her behaviour has become too challenging for you to handle. 

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover

RAS said:

Start recording things.

Any controlling or coercive behaviour? 

Yes a lot 

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover

Auti said:

Just a thought - if there is power of attorney for your mother is that due to disability? Is she becoming ill -dementia type. Maybe she needs to see a dr? Or maybe you and your Dad need to approach your GP and ask for assessments for yourselves so maybe you both can get some more support and so can your mother.

Please do not be offended by my thoughts - I mean no disrespect.

Power of attorney from a disability.

She was pronounced dead after my birth but was revived, and was left with memory issues. 

I don’t think that is the cause of the problem though. She’s just filled with so much hatred, mainly towards me because she thinks I ruined her life when I was born. Been punishing me and my dad ever since. 

KxMx

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover said:

RAS said:

Start recording things.

Any controlling or coercive behaviour? 

Yes a lot 

Then that is something the police should take very seriously, it's taken a long time for such behaviour to be against the law, but thankfully now it is. 

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover

GDB2222 said:

Spoonie_Stitch_Lover said:

My dad and I have been facing domestic abuse at the hands of my mother for many years. We have been thinking about leaving for a few months but we don’t know how to. We our both disabled adults, receiving high pip on both, and UC with LCWRA. Financially we aren’t well off and have zero savings. We also have six cats that we’d like to keep, and get away from her too. 

Things just keep getting worse and we have both hit our breaking points. Physically and mentally we’ve hit our limits. 

Is there help out there we can get?
How do we access help?

To summarise, Mum has been shouting for years, but this has been getting worse. Is this a sudden worsening, or it’s been gradual?  The reason I ask is that there could be underlying reasons for the deteriorating behaviour - perhaps dementia or other neurological issues. 

The first thing you need is a diagnosis, and the first port of call is probably Mum’s GP. It’s not just an academic exorcise, as it is possible that Mum needs to go into a home if her behaviour has become too challenging for you to handle. 

Gradual worsening.

We have suggested menopause and seeing a doctor but she says she fine and we can’t force her.

Things really skyrocketed during lockdown and now they are just getting worse.

She is always the victim and twists things and lies to others. Plays my dad and I off each other. We can’t go anywhere. Money is spent on her but she doesn’t spend her money on anyone else. Disability car is in her name so it’s like being held hostage. 

GDB2222

Of course, if you do move out, or she does, you still may not have access to the car. 

RAS

You don't need her to see a doctor. You and dad go to see your GP and share specific examples of her behaviour and it's impact on you. Chances are the GP will then find some way of arranging a appointment with her. 

You document all incidents. You contact a family abuse charity and speak to them. You may then go to report her to the police.