Separation after 20 Year Marriage - Advice Please

Februarycat

After a 20 year marriage me and dh have been separated since Sept this year and in the New Year I will going to see a solicitor as he is becoming difficult over money issues.
We have a mortgage on our house in joint names, for £43,000 and he has been paying me £400 a month to cover mortgage and money for our 14 year old son, but he is now saying he wants me out the house and his share of the house plus my savings which I inherited from my late parents, not a huge amount but were to be for son for university, car, driving lessons etc in the future. All I get from him at the moment is See you in Court. When he moved out in Sept he was prepared to wait for son to finish school and keep the house and I live in it, and then see about selling the house or me taking over the mortgage but now he is being difficult, probably as I have discovered he has been having an affair with a married woman at his work.
I obviously want the best for son and dont want him upset as he has GSCEs coming up and its a diffucult time for us all.
Any advice would be appreciated.

stroppymare

You need to talk to a solicitor. Some will not charge for the first hour of consultation. You may not have to leave the home as you have a son of school age. the inheritance from your parents could well be included in the pot in eventual division of spoils. There seems to be no hard and fast rule.......depends on what the judge feels like on the day!

belfastgirl23

Yes, get a good solicitor who specialises in divorce cases. It might cost a little but it will be well worth it in the end.

bookduck

It is illegal, but most people do it - divert small amounts of money from the bank.

Think divorces take approx a year - my friends took 2.5 years. You will probably have to show 6 months worth of bank statements, so drag it out for 6 months. I'd also change banks if I were you as he may be able to see and gain access to your account (even tough it might be your account only) as he is seen as your husband.

Don't know the legal aspects if that account is a shared one - shared between your son and yourself????


Get good legal advice.

Debt_Free_Chick

Februarycat wrote: »

We have a mortgage on our house in joint names, for £43,000 and he has been paying me £400 a month to cover mortgage and money for our 14 year old son, but he is now saying he wants me out the house

He cannot force you out of the house. You own it. Unfortunately, so does he, so he also has a right to occupy it. If he's moved out, he retains a right to access the property, but this ought to be with your agreement.

the only way one party can be forced out of the house is by using a Court Order, called an Occupation Order. Essentially, he would have to go to Court and persuade them that his need to live in the house was greater than yours. The Court would look at individual requirements and finances, so that if he had the financial means to rent a one-bed flat for himself - and you did not have the money to rent for yourself and son - then it is almost certain that he would not get a Court Order to chuck you out of the house. The Court would see that your need to live there is greater than his.

You, of course, can apply for an Occupation Order yourself asking the Court to rule that you have the right to occupy the house. You can do this without a solicitor, but I would strongly suggest you use one as they know "all the right buttons to press" when filling out the forms. Anyway, you need to swear a statement about your circumstances, so you would need a solicitor for this bit.

Do absolutely nothing. Keep calm and stay reasonable no matter how unreasonable he is being. If either of you go for an Occupation Order, the Court can take account of your conduct - so it's best to stay well above the law on this one. Let him be unreasonable as you can include his bad behaviour in your statement, if necessary.

Is he in any way violent? I don't mean "does he repeatedly beat you up" but is he excessively aggressive? Threatening? If so, call the Police and tell them you are being subject to Domestic Violence. They will remove him from the property and, possibly, arrest him. Also, you can apply for a "restraining" order on the same form that you use to get an Occupation Order. This may not be necessary for you, but bear it in mind.

Find a solicitor in your area through the Law Society who is accredited under the Family Law Accreditation Scheme, using the online postcode search here.

Call the firm and ask to speak to the solicitor in person. If you get their secretary/assistant, explain the circumstances and they will squeeze an appointment in for you. You may get half an hour free or for a nominal cost e.g. £50-100. Do this and you will be much more confident about your position. It is far stronger than you realise.

Don't be bullied. Don't leave the house. Call the Police if he threatens you. And get that solicitor's appointment

Februarycat

Thanks for all the advice. I have not heard from him for nearly a week now so I expect he is up to something. I have got an appointment at my bank next week and have been working out my finances and I could just afford to take over the mortgage in the future if the bank would agree and take his name off.
When he first left he said he did not want any of my savings but when I last spoke with him he was cross and angry, he did say he wanted my savings too, but I have just had a thought his mum has inherited a large amount of money last summer from her father and I bet she has given some to my husband, but I dont know for sure as he moved out around that time, so he threats me with taking my savings I can throw that at him. Also he has a sporty car which my parents money helped pay half of it, so I could be funny and ask for my share of that.

Debt Free Chick - No he has not been violent, just argumentative when he comes round. He still has his keys to the property but I suppose I cannot take them off him as he still owns half, but I dont like him having keys as I dont want him coming in when Im at work, I dont think he would but you never know.

Thanks again

belfastgirl23

Hi FebCat, I'd change the locks - maybe you lost your key and had to change it for security reasons??

poppyolivia

change the locks and give your son all your money as a gift......but tell him its for when he is in uni or something????

Debt_Free_Chick

You cannot change the locks without giving him a set of new keys.

He owns the property (albeit jointly with FebCat). He is entitled to go there and occupy it. If he has possessions at the property, including joint possessions, he is entitled to have access to them and to have the benefit/enjoyment of them.

I understand your concern about him going there when you're out, but think carefully about why you object. What do you think he would do? Trash his own property? Snoop around? If so, then make sure you take any sensitive papers e.g. letters from your solicitor with you. Or lock them in your car. Or ask a friend/neighbour to keep them.

Re the mortgage ..... you can only secure a mortgage on YOUR share of the property. But why would you effectively give him more equity?

Let's say your property is worth £242k and you have a joint mortgage of £42k. You each have £100k equity. If you take on the mortgage in your name only, you would own half the value of the house (£121k) less a mortgage of £42k leaving you with £79k equity, whilst he would have £121k equity.

I don't think you can remortgage in your name only without his consent. You certainly can't transfer any of his equity to you without his written consent.

You need advice.

MissMoneypenny

poppyolivia wrote: »

give your son all your money as a gift......but tell him its for when he is in uni or something????

I agree with this. I know someone who did this during a divorce (she was the other woman, soon to be new wife - now another ex wife) and it stopped her finances being used as part of the assets to be divided. You will need to get legal advice on this though or go to a university library and look at their law books.

MissMoneypenny

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

I understand your concern about him going there when you're out, but think carefully about why you object. What do you think he would do? Trash his own property? Snoop around? If so, then make sure you take any sensitive papers e.g. letters from your solicitor with you. Or lock them in your car. Or ask a friend/neighbour to keep them.

OP could get herself a nice big dog.

Doesn't the value of each partners pension still go into their joint asset pot?