Separation after 20 Year Marriage - Advice Please

Debt_Free_Chick

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

I agree with this. I know someone who did this during a divorce (she was the other woman, soon to be new wife - now another ex wife) and it stopped her finances being used as part of the assets to be divided. You will need to get legal advice on this though or go to a university library and look at their law books.

Although if it's not a genuine gift and you are attempting to hide your assets, then you will be guilty of perjury. When you declare your assets (on Form E) you are swearing an oath that you have truthfully disclosed all your assets.

Risky ....

MissMoneypenny

Which is why I said about getting legal advice. Surely the OPs dh won't object to their son being given this money for his future? What sort of father will that make him look in court? Unless the judge is a dead beat dad, of course.

Februarycat

I have put all my bank statements etc in a locked place so out of site, I dont think he would trash the place or anything like that, I hope not, he would just have a nose around if anything, thats why I decided to lock my paperwork away.
Did think about changing the locks when he first went, but was advised that I could not do that.
I will go and see a solicitors in the next week or so, Im at the bank next week as I want to check some direct debits in his name etc, and then when I have all my paperwork and figures sorted I will see solicitor.
Thanks again

misswig

The person with residency of your son is entitled to stay in the house until he leaves full time education or is 18. At that point they will haave to either buy the other person out of their share of the property or sell the house and split the equity. I think that the equity of the house may be taken from the day of the seperation/divorce but i'm not 100%.

If you stay in the house with your son as you are legally entitled too, he is not eligable to pay any of the mortgage however evn though it is still jointly owned, he is however eligable to pay you maintainence for your son at 15% of his take home pay which should help towards the mortgage.

Is there anyway that you could offer to buy him out of hHIS share of the house??

The negotiations start at 50/50 split however, as the parent with residency you will probably be entitled to a greater percent of the assets especially considering the length of the marriage.

You need to get a good lawyer ASAP to tell you your rights and what HIS rights are.

I went through a similar experiance with my divorce although it was me that left the marital home with my 14 month old son. The divorce took 3 1/2 months however the financial side took 10 months with several trips to court etc etc.

If you can do it amicably, do it, however it sounds like he is being a bit of a p**t which in my experiance did not go down well with the courts!!

Good luck and stick to your guns
]
x

dipsy

just off on a tangent, what if he agreed to take his name off the mortgage so that the house would now be in her name, would he still be entitled to claim 1/2 value of house years down the line?

maybe an idea to say you want no money off him as long as he takes name off mortgage so house is now yours and have a total break, not sure the legalities of this, someone on here no doubt will know

All the best for you and your son x

Debt_Free_Chick

dipsy wrote: »

just off on a tangent, what if he agreed to take his name off the mortgage so that the house would now be in her name, would he still be entitled to claim 1/2 value of house years down the line?

Yes. Who owns the house and who has the mortgage are entirely separate things. If his name is on the deeds, then he owns the house - jointly, if there's another name on the deeds. The only way to take over the mortgage and ownership of the house is to buy his share of the equity. And he would have to agree to sell it to FebCat (which sounds unlikely).

maybe an idea to say you want no money off him as long as he takes name off mortgage so house is now yours and have a total break, not sure the legalities of this, someone on here no doubt will know

All the best for you and your son x

The total break can only be done via a Court Order. And the house/mortgage is not the only issue - there are all the other financial assets/possessions, plus maintenance for the boy.

I've been through this from another side - when I left my ex, he refused to allow me access, changed the locks, called the Police etc etc etc.

An Occupation Order is the way to go. It's an order from the Court awarding FebCat & son the right to occupy the property .... even though her OH owns half of it. It can include a non-molestation order preventing him from going near the house.

Without the Court Order .... he owns the house (jointly) so he has a right of access. He even has the right to move back in and occupy it. But he has no right to chuck FebCat out .... unless he gets an Occupation Order, which the Court will certainly refuse, if he has the financial means to rent elsewhere.

HTH

Loretta

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

Although if it's not a genuine gift and you are attempting to hide your assets, then you will be guilty of perjury. When you declare your assets (on Form E) you are swearing an oath that you have truthfully disclosed all your assets.

Risky ....

If she did this what kind of a man and father woud object to his son having his future education etc provided for by his grandparents money?!!!!!

Just a thought

Februarycat

If I agreed to buy him out of the house it would be roughly all my inheritance gone, so no money left for son university, etc, or for unexpected bills. He did say a few weeks ago giving him £20,000 and then the rest when son leaves school but I think that would leave me out of pocket. He did agree to just the £20,000 at one point and he walks away and I carry on with the mortgage, which would be a better option for me, but think he now seems to want more.
I just have this feeling he will get all my money plus what ever his mother has given him when his grandad died (thats if she has given him anything). Also when we were together we paid for a new kitchen, conservatory, new windows, doors, carpets, fencing, furniture all out of my inheritance which he persuaded me to do.
I know if we sold up I could not afford to buy nor even rent as renting is more expensive than my mortgage.
Its a mess and I think I will end up losing my lovely house all because of him

Debt_Free_Chick

Loretta wrote: »

If she did this what kind of a man and father woud object to his son having his future education etc provided for by his grandparents money?!!!!!

Just a thought

This one, I suspect

I could be wrong, but I got the impression that the suggestion was made to "hide" the money. As previously posted, this would be perjury anyway.

If there is a genuine intention to give the money to the son, then both FebCat and her OH need to agree this openly and, preferably, have a signed agreement so there is no dispute when the matrimonial assets are divied up.

And FebCat needs to understand that, once gifted, she has lost that money and it wouldn't be available for her to feed, clothe and house her son in the meantime. It's not always prudent to give money to children, no matter how well intentioned it may appear.

Debt_Free_Chick

Februarycat wrote: »

If I agreed to buy him out of the house it would be roughly all my inheritance gone, so no money left for son university, etc, or for unexpected bills. He did say a few weeks ago giving him £20,000 and then the rest when son leaves school but I think that would leave me out of pocket. He did agree to just the £20,000 at one point and he walks away and I carry on with the mortgage, which would be a better option for me, but think he now seems to want more.
I just have this feeling he will get all my money plus what ever his mother has given him when his grandad died (thats if she has given him anything). Also when we were together we paid for a new kitchen, conservatory, new windows, doors, carpets, fencing, furniture all out of my inheritance which he persuaded me to do.
I know if we sold up I could not afford to buy nor even rent as renting is more expensive than my mortgage.
Its a mess and I think I will end up losing my lovely house all because of him

Please don't think about any of this until you see a solicitor. It's quite common for the man to have to provide a home for his ex and child, at least until the child completes full time education. It's only then that the house is sold or transferred.

Have you found a solicitor yet?