Separation after 20 Year Marriage - Advice Please

Bogof_Babe

margaretclare wrote: »

It could be that your soon-to-be-ex has been talking to an experienced divorce lawyer and has been told his entitlements.

20 years is classed as a 'long marriage'. Someone who posts on here called Bogof_Babe is the expert on this kind of thing, but basically, it starts at 50/50. What you inherited from your parents is on the table, along with equity in the house, his and your pension funds, the lot.

You need a good lawyer of your own!

HTH

Margaret

Only just seen this thread, and I'm sorry Margaret but I think you are mixing me up with another poster, as I don't know much at all about this sort of thing.

I haven't read all the replies as I had a shock when I saw my name mentioned, but I'd be surprised if your husband has any claim on money or goods inherited from your parents. Presumably you can prove the sum involved and where it originated from.

I hope you get your fair share, as 20 years is a long time and there will be many things to sort out. No doubt virtually all the previous replies have advised getting a good matrimonial solicitor, which you urgently need. Good luck!

singlemum_4

I am in a simular situation, a bit further along the road. Don't let your ex bully you, get a good solicitor and let them help you deal with his selfish demands. I started out very scared that my children and I would lose everything but by getting good advice and not letting his threats get to me it looks like we will all come out with what we are entitled to.

Februarycat

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

Please don't think about any of this until you see a solicitor. It's quite common for the man to have to provide a home for his ex and child, at least until the child completes full time education. It's only then that the house is sold or transferred.

Have you found a solicitor yet?

I will probably use the one I had a free half hour appt with when he first left me, it was a female solicitor which I prefer. I will ring them next week.

bookduck

Februarycat wrote: »

I have put all my bank statements etc in a locked place so out of site, I dont think he would trash the place or anything like that, I hope not, he would just have a nose around if anything, thats why I decided to lock my paperwork away.
Thanks again

My mum and I are customers of bank X. If I ask to see her statement they will tell me to take a walk If I tell them a sob story then all door open for me. My mum is a regular face to the bank (although not known - I think) I visit this large branch about 5 times (if that a year). I'd go for a different bank, and call your self Ms and you OH will not have your account no. No friendly helping hands

In dealing with any solicitor, Id ask how much experience she has had. Also If you go (physically visit seems to be best) to the court they will officially not allowed tell/advise you if your solicitor is good or poor, they might even mumble an alternative

Loretta

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

This one, I suspect

I could be wrong, but I got the impression that the suggestion was made to "hide" the money. As previously posted, this would be perjury anyway.

If there is a genuine intention to give the money to the son, then both FebCat and her OH need to agree this openly and, preferably, have a signed agreement so there is no dispute when the matrimonial assets are divied up.

And FebCat needs to understand that, once gifted, she has lost that money and it wouldn't be available for her to feed, clothe and house her son in the meantime. It's not always prudent to give money to children, no matter how well intentioned it may appear.

I meant if he did object and said that he wanted the money himself rather than put it aside for son's education etc it would show him up in a very bad light

MissMoneypenny

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

This one, I suspect

I could be wrong, but I got the impression that the suggestion was made to "hide" the money. As previously posted, this would be perjury anyway.

The suggestion was given so that OP could openly give the money to their son for his future education.

If the OP used the money for herself, such as paying her solicitor's bills as someone mentioned someone else did, then that would be seen as disposing of joint assets for that persons own gain. The amount that person took, would still be added into the joint assets. My ex tried that and found out the hard way that he couldn't get away with it, despite pleading poverty.

I still think the OP needs to get legal advice and preferably a solicitor that comes recommended.

MissMoneypenny

margaretclare wrote: »

DH did get away with it, because the judge ruled that there had been unnecessary delay deliberately caused by his ex.

You never know how a judges mind is affected by his own circumstances. That's why when I went to court I took a local barrister with me who knew how each judge behaved. We had one judge who favoured women, one who favoured men and one who was fair to all.

MissMoneypenny

margaretclare wrote: »

The legal aid bill became a 'second charge' on the matrimonial home, which AFAIK she's still living in.

The rising house prices will have made this bill very small now compared to the value of the house, so has effectively made her solicitors bill very low.

I doubt if OP will get Legal Aid because of the inheritance money, but solicitors usually work at a lower £ rate per hour if they are doing legal aid work. The bill for this is usually put as a charge against the house plus a low rate of interest.

Anastasia

My OH left in July. Initially I was going to buy him out but I was advised that I didn't have to until the youngest child is 18. That would give you two years breathing space.

My advice is to put this in the hands of a solicitor asap. Everything you have separately and jointly will be shared legally.

Good luck!