Broke and lonely with it

ET22

@Karonher, thats a good idea, i will check to see if there is anything by me, thankyou x 

stymied

Hi @ET22 have you spoken to your bank about your mortgage if you're struggling with the payment? You may be able to switch to interest only for a while x

ET22

No i havent spoken to them yet. I will make a list of tasks i need to do tonight  and do them tomorrow, thankyou for reminding me to do it x 

ET22

I dropped my phone on my wooden flooring so I wll be sending emails tomorrow to the benefits agency, an employment agency and checking the exact amounts of money I owe out on my bills. I will also go out very early to post a letter and go to the library before coming home and starting to paint the living room.  I have had the paint for months and it may give me the motivation to do other jobs once completed. It has to be done at some point and its the right time of the year to get it sorted, just before December. I want to go into 2025 with a clean, cozy home and a plan already in place for work and finances x      

ET22

 I posted the letter, emailed the benefits agency and went to the library. I had a chat to the lady at the counter in the library about the cost of energy and how there was a case of mistaken identity at a library in a different part of the Borough. Apparently it caused a major disruption, who knew that could happen at a library! I borrowed the book Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence which I read many years ago but cant remember that much of so I thought I would do it again. I did some shopping, some washing and emptied and reloaded the dishwasher. I also did some research on opportunities for work once my professional registration is completed.Hopefully it wont be too long so I need to get some reading done around any updates in legislation and regulations in the last couple of years. 

I think tonight I will put the electric blanket on my mattress to warm the bed before i get in rather than pulling the duvet back and putting the electric heating on for an hour. Its definitely not cold enough yet to have the heating on all night. I used to live in a big 4 bed house which was very cold in the winter. When I sold it and moved into a newish build two bed flat in the winter and I remember thinking how warm it was in comparison to the house. Nowadays I have acclimatised to the difference but it isnt cold enough to put heating on I dont think . The thermometer in my bedroom shows 13 degrees and the living room 16 degrees. I have  had the windows open in the second bedroom and all of the internal doors were open while I was out. According to bbc weather, its 8 degrees outside.I always use my electric throw in the living room and find its enough to keep warm anyway. Im not sure what the cut off point is in respect of what the lowest temperature is before it starts to affect your health but I will survive a while longer. My flat is all electric and I have electric wall panels in each room and the hallway. I do need to check the living room one is working properly though before it gets much colder outside.

Cant remember if i posted it already but I have also signed up to a new walking group for women which takes place at 10am on sundays starting at a coffee shop in a village a couple of minutes walk away from where I live. Its a lovely little village which has a couple of coffee shops so I have invited my sister in law on the walk and we plan to have a latte there on sunday too.  

ts been a productive day so far, just need to give the kitchen and en-suite a quick clean this evening and change the bed sheets. I want to start the painting tomorrow and plan to have it all done and dusted by the weekend. 

Before I forget, when I emailed the job centre, I told the advisor that I had already sent an email and didnt get a response but if she didnt know the answer to my questions she could copy her team leader into the email which seemed to do the trick because I then got an email back apologising for the delay but she would find out asap which benefit i am supposed to be receiving in light of the fact i have been sent a letter saying its JSA but I have been asked to provide sick notes. Hopefully, it will be resolved tomorrow x        

                        

  

ET22

 I have watched the retail giants 2024 christmas adverts on youtube. How sad that people are brainwashed by corporations into believing that xmas can be bought. 

Newsflash! It cant. You cant create magic by buying more and more christmas items and toys.It doesnt work and it never will. It saddens me that adults are hoodwinked into buying their children more toys and christmas tat than they know what to do with, under the illusion it will make them happier the more you spend.It has the opposite effect.

If everything is "special" then nothing is. I know people who buy towels, toiletries, new bedding and pj's all xmas themed just to use on xmas eve before their kids get up in the morning to find a large pile of expensive toys. How are all the toys  special? A few maybe. The kids have been bombarded by christmas items to the point where its all much of a muchness. Nothing in particular has made memories becase they get too much for any real difference to be noted.  

I dont buy my adult children gifts, it fizzled out over the years, it just got boring. I see my grandchildren on boxing day and I buy them a party bag with pound toys in and a pantomime ticket. They have already had presents off santa. That is enough. They get to find out which show it is when they open the ticket and they play making things together with the pound toys and craft stuff. I also did buy them a 5 pound game each, one of which was a bath toy which i didnt realise. They asked for a big bowl of water to play outside with in the freezing cold and they were out there for ages. They had a better christmas than when i have bought them expensive stuff they werent really that interested in just for the sake of buying something. They then went home after tea looking forward to playing with what santa had bought them with the added excitement of going to a panto in a few days time! 

If you are struggling to buy someone a gift, including children because you do not know what to buy because they already have everything, then why buy anything at all? It wont add any joy, its a dampener cos they never wanted it.Change your tactics because the bank card wont help in this situation. Do something thats different and give them a suprise that cant be bought. Let them roll in the mud outside if they want to, they certainly wouldnt forget it lol.

I swear, those retail giants are creepy and once you stop putting your hand in your pocket, you will realise how scary, even nasty, it all is. I am at the point where receiving a shop bought gift at christmas would feel cheap, regardless of its monetary value. I dont want anything for christmas, not because I cant afford to buy someone in return, it would just feel christmas had been cheapened unless it was made by a family member or an incredibly special item which would be passed down to my children.     

Gratitude and appreciation are the magic ingredients for joy. It cant be bought. By spending on loads of gifts and toys, you are making it harder for people to have the opportunity to feel thankful.

I feel like there should be a campaign called " The Christmas Less is More Campaign". Less objects, equals more magic 

If you want to hit the christmas high note of magic, dont let the creepy corporations have any involvement or at least as possible. I promise, your christmases will never feel the same, it is all so much nicer.   
 
I reckon a lot of  people  know it is true but are too frightened to disengage from the monsters because they dont want to take any slight chance christmas will be a disappointment. It's all rather a sad affair.   

 

ladyholly

An excellent and very true post. I think many children whose parent work long hours to provide "stuff" would much rather have their parents time. It breaks my heart when I see parents with children in push chairs glued to their phones instead of talking to their children and pointing out things they passed. Its no wonder that teachers are complaining that children dont know how to have a conversation. My daughter learnt her letters and numbers from car registration plates and road signs.

The time you spend with children is far more important than the stuff you buy them. Instead of a lot of plastic stuff buy a game that you and they can enjoy together or they can play with their friend or each other. I love old fashioned toys that go on for ever - a box of wooden bricks, paper and pencils, plasticine (or similar), containers that can be used in the bath or with a bowl of water outside will give hours of fun for many years and dont cost a huge amount.

In case anyone wonder I am a parent, a grandparent and an ex nursery nurse and nanny so have a little bit of experience with children.

ET22

 I used to march round the shops for something to buy the grandkids because their mum had said she was struggling herself to know what to buy them. I would buy anything they didnt have just for something to give them. I could tell by their faces they werent absolutely made up with it, it was more of a "thanks nan" rather than "oh look what ive got, i always wanted one of these, help me open it!".The oldest one is 8 and she is aware that she has to say thankyou for things and would not want to look ungrateful but i knew it wasnt having the desired effect. So I decided to stop, it just felt wrong. 

The funny thing is, when they opened the party bag with pound toys and craft stuff in, the kids were all asking each other "what did you get??". The best reaction from them all was from my grandson who had found a tiny bouncy ball ( 5 for a quid so 20p) and was delighted with it saying how he had always wanted one that size, how much he loved bouncy balls. I never had that reaction from any of expensive toys ive bought. 

From last christmas, I know you are right. They would sooner have a cheap game they can play with each other or their parents. I have just been speaking to my sister in law who has a 12 year old who wants make up,clothes and a hairdryer for christmas so she is quite happy with that because they will get used. We talked about how pointless all the stuff she had bought her daughter when she was younger was, that it had ended up in the bin anyway and the money could have been saved towards a holiday. 

It is sad when you know there are families who think they are letting the lttle ones down if they dont gets loads of plastic rubbish. Adults who are struggling to give their children a christmas the creepy retail giants have decided they should have, should take comfort in the fact that they are giving a priceless gift to their children they havent let the retail giants steal.The gift of the opportunity to be grateful for what they receive, the joy that comes from that and the time from a parent to play  games with them. Some unlucky children dont get that because they get everything else. 

The old fashioned toys are the way to go and I would stress to anyone who doesnt know what else they could buy, then dont buy anything. Do something different. 

You are also right that some parents are glued to their phones at weekends after working all week and dont interact properly with their kids when they see them. I wonder how many parents dont sit for a few hours at christmas playing with their kids. 

Last year I went into Tesco express on new years eve and there was a big easter egg on the top shelf for 30 quid. Christmas was gone and forgotten about by 27th december, all that stress and worry for nothing when all you have to do is play with the kids.

Kittencat

@ET22 hi there. Hope you don't mind me popping in. 

Just a thought and sorry if I'm right off track. I don't know your age but when you mentioned your job and not being able to cope, are you menopausal age?? I had brain fog for ages and low mood etc I'm now on hrt and feel so much better for it. More like the old me with more energy.  Sorry if I'm completely off track here. 

ET22

@Kittencat Hi, thanks for dropping in. I think its definitely worth me going to the gp again. Im going to make another appointment this week i think and see what happens x