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Money Moral Dilemma: Should we buy a second-hand gift for our young relative?

124

Comments

  • LadyBee_2
    LadyBee_2 Posts: 7 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture First Post Combo Breaker
    I find the very idea of comparing the costs of gifts given and received rather horrible.    Weighing up, and researching whether you or your cousin has paid out more is pathetic.
  • Aren’t you missing the point? This is about a gift for a child, not the parents’ preference. Most people have to stick to a specific budget so what does it matter where the gift is purchased from as long as it’s suitable. Have you not heard ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Children should be taught the value of things from the earliest age. 
  • Personally I would be much more likely to buy a second-hand item for myself/my child rather than someone else. Though there is nothing wrong with buying second-hand, it seems a bit weird that she bought went second-hand for your child but only wants vouchers for her child. If it were me I’d would have liked her to ask my child what he wanted and then give him a voucher to buy it, if that’s what she wants you to do for her. I can understand if she’s going to some financial trouble at the moment but it still seems weird that she expects more from you. Perhaps tell her that you can’t afford, even if you can, a gift voucher and ask her what her child wants so that you can by it second-hand for him. If she thinks that’s a good idea then that’s solved, but if she shows some animosity you know that she’s taking advantage of you.

    Hope it all goes well 👍.
  • Aluminium_2
    Aluminium_2 Posts: 40 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    I'm not sure if I've ever posted here before, but man, the politics and bad feeling wrapped up in buying presents for a child has made my head spin. 

    If the child is getting the toys they want and are happy, who cares? 

    The other adult already checked with you to see if you're ok with them buying a second hand gift - they told you in advance - if you don't like that, tell them.

    This has nothing to do with your preference for buying gifts/vouchers for their child. If they want a voucher, get them a voucher.
  • Vouchers and gift cards are a scam. They limit you to buying from a specific company. Give cash instead so the kid can spend it anywhere.
  • I can't really see a problem, have a word with your relation and ask if there is something specific her son wants for his birthday that you can also buy second hand as she is obviously conscious about waste/recycling etc, making sure you buy an item that it is in excellent condition. If there is nothing he needs (you do not mention his age) then give the gift vouchers you usually do. Your son's Aunt has at least been upfront and spoken to you enquiring what your son wants for his birthday and will probably spend an equivalent amount, but because they are second hand he will get something she probably could not afford new. She also may have something in mind for her sons birthday which needs to be bought new because of guarantees etc. which is why she likes gift vouchers to go towards it. When your son becomes older no doubt his Aunt will give him gift vouchers or money as toys will be no longer appropriate.
  • SWGranny
    SWGranny Posts: 7 Forumite
    Fourth Anniversary First Post
    I agree with all of what has already been said.  Toys very rarely become worn out or shabby as children grow out of them or move on to something else.  Therefore just because they are second hand doesn't mean that they are not going to be of a good quality, and probably still like new.   It is what the child wants, and the Aunt will spend the money buying them, then as I see it, the child will be very happy.  If the cousin prefers vouchers, then he will be happy too.  Make sure both aunts spend the same amount of money on the cousins.
  • LizzieFlorence
    LizzieFlorence Posts: 17 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    edited 28 August at 2:54PM
    Can you agree not to get each other's children presents for specific occasions like birthdays and Christmas. That's what my brother and I did and it worked out well. If we saw something the child would like and it was affordable we bought it and gave it the next time we saw them. Our children don't seem to have taken offence at our arrangement and a lot of children seem to have more than they could possibly play with these days. We are both now in our 60's and the rules now apply to grandchildren and great nieces and nephews.
  • JayD
    JayD Posts: 721 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    This all sounds so very petty! Goodness me! She is taking the trouble to buy your son exactly what he wants! Why wont you continue to get his cousin just what he wants i.e. gift vouchers? Are you really so petty as to want to make sure both gifts are the same value? Or, despite what you have said here, are you really put out that your son's gift will be second hand?
  • Ed264
    Ed264 Posts: 123 Forumite
    100 Posts Second Anniversary
    "She's always expected us to get gift vouchers". I say carry on buying gift vouchers, it's probably much more straightforward than searching for second-hand gifts. Maybe your son's auntie is struggling financially at the moment.
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