Money Moral Dilemma: Should we buy a second-hand gift for our young relative?

Marcon

For goodness sake...where's the dilemma? You're happy giving vouchers, the parents and recipient are happy receiving them. Just go on doing that and don't look for problems and issues where they quite simply don't exist.

keithyno.1

Just get gift vouchers or whatever you were going to get in the first instance for your son's cousin, rather than get into a situation of 'she's only buying second hand for MY child, so I'm going to buy second hand for HER child.'

In other words, rise above it all (for the sake of the kids at least) and bask in the knowledge you've taken the moral high ground...it can sometimes give you a very good feeling inside! 😊

04Felix15

🛑 ! Stop with the presents. This way the Aunt doesn’t have to spend, maybe she cannot afford it and you don’t have to be offended and try and match it. 

Let the cousins have quality time together instead park day, garden play, around for dinner whatever.  Hopefully they won’t miss the 1 extra present. 

2702

This is ridiculous your child wants toys her child wants vouchers.They are both getting what they want.It obviously bothers you.why don't you ask for gift vouchers in the future as you seem to think her child is getting a better deal.

[Deleted User]

Why are you asking this question?  How does it matter that your son's aunt is buying a used item?  She isn't trying to deceive, presumably she wants to get your son the item he wants, but it's too expensive for her to buy new.   Your concern also should be to please the recipient, whether it's new or not is irrelevant.  If you begrudge it, then it would be better to say so and arrange not to exchange gifts.  

LP53

She’s probably been thrifty and wants to get more for her money and buy more things for your son.
her children may be at an age where it’s difficult to buy for them and they appreciate the vouchers. 

She may be spending the same amount as you but getting more for her money who knows.
what is the aunts financial situation? If you don’t want to give vouchers that’s up to you.

ldeans

new, pre loved vouchers or cash just spend the same then what does it matter🤔

Matt8888

I am fairly sure the comment means she is going to but the toys he wants, but by them secondhand. A comma would have helped... Anyway, when they come, say you are delighted with the quality, and it's a really good idea to buy them secondhand from the marketplace, and then for her son's birthday get vouchers for said marketplace for a similar value.

bikaga

Okay, this is officially the new "most British question" out there.

Let me break this down.

Person 1 buys Voucher A, as requested by Person 2. Person 2 buys Thing B, as requested by Person 1, but OMG USED.

Person 1 wonders if that should maybe just possibly be interpreted as a slight. Person 1 then decides that the best course of action would be to *not* talk to Person 2, because honesty may offend. Either Person I guess.

So instead of finding out what Person 2 really wants, or whether Person 2 is being manipulative or just practical, Person 1 decides that the Very Best Thing they could possibly do is to ask a bunch of total strangers on the internet, who know nothing about the context, what the "morally right" thing to do would be.

Well, you know what? Morally, writing in to MSE instead of just having a chat with your sister or sister-in-law is pretty questionable. It shows a definite lack of interest in the outcome for the children, and a total fixation on some kind of petty competition of who pays what / cares less / is asking too much.

By all means, go ahead, see whatever the majority "vote" for. But sweet baby Cthulhu. Just talk to the kid's mum. If you feel taken advantage of, say so. Other people aren't gonna fix that relationship for you.

DannyHotPotato

Send a second hand gift voucher.