Money Moral Dilemma: Should we buy a second-hand gift for our young relative?

MSE_Laura_F

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Our little boy's birthday is coming up, and his auntie says she's going to get him some toys he wants second-hand from an online marketplace for his present. We don't have any problem with that, as we've done the same in the past, but she's always expected us to get gift vouchers for his cousin when their birthday comes round. Should we follow her lead and buy something second-hand instead?

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FlorayG

You say YOUR child wants a specific second-hand item. If the cousin wants a specific second-hand item them that's what you get them. If they haven't a particular gift in mind I would still get the vouchers. Just because your child wants a used item doesn't mean theirs does, and they're not being 'cheap' they're getting yours exactly what he wants
although you say "...get him some toys he wants second-hand..." but do you mean "...get him second-hand some toys he wants..."? Those are different things

Mark_d

If your son's aunt has expressed a preference for gift vouchers, then why not give gift vouchers for your son's cousin?  Gift vouchers are easy for you to get - you don't need to spend time looking for the right present.  Gift vouchers also work for your son's aunt - they give her the power to ensure that the presents are suitable and will be appreciated.
The aunt wants to get your son the toys he wants.  Maybe she can't afford to buy these items new.  Maybe she feels it's not worth spending too much money on things your son will grow out of.  I think it is admirable that the aunt wants to buy your son the toys he wants - and isn't just buying any random things.

marcia_

FlorayG said:

You say YOUR child wants a specific second-hand item. If the cousin wants a specific second-hand item them that's what you get them. If they haven't a particular gift in mind I would still get the vouchers. Just because your child wants a used item doesn't mean theirs does, and they're not being 'cheap' they're getting yours exactly what he wants
although you say "...get him some toys he wants second-hand..." but do you mean "...get him second-hand some toys he wants..."? Those are different things

   I read it as he doesn't say he wants second hand. Rather he wants specific toys which the aunt has decided to buy second hand.?

SStitanic

You have to find out what toys the cousin wants before you can decide that don’t you?

ripongrammargirl

Sounds like somebody is being rather greedy and wanting to know how much is being spent, by asking for these vouchers? What will the mum do with the vouchers if the shop goes bust, as all shops are doing these days? They will then have been a waste of money. Also I read this “dilemma” to be that your son has asked for a certain toy and the mother is going to find the cheapest option for it, which is second- hand. If it’s becoming a dilemma then how about buying nothing and donating instead to a children’s charity or giving a children’s home/hospital ward some
toys in his/her name instead?
It’s all disposable goods in the long run and children soon get bored of everything and it will sit gathering dust, so don’t go mad with any gifts. Treat the cousin to a day out at the seaside/local farm or somewhere educational, as the memories of the experience will last a lifetime but unsustainable plastic toys won’t, and will only add to landfill sooner rather than later. 

LAMBS60

If you usually buy vouchers   I can’t see what difference it makes , unless you think that the toys cost less than the vouchers .Second hand doesn’t necessarily mean cheap . If that’s the case, find out what was spent and spend the same on vouchers . ( unless you ask for a suggestion) 

confusedgranny

You haven't said how old the children are.
That makes a difference. Past a certain age my grandchildren have been glad of cash to do what they want with. Young children wouldn't notice new or second hand, older it's a good learning oportunity.

M4rkOne97One

Set a budget on the amount you are happy to spend on your nephew either in vouchers, or  actual toys. Find out what toys your nephew likes and buy him them (2nd hand or brand new) depending on your budget. For example, if he likes Lego then there are plenty of sets to choose from at various price points. Some charity shops sell 2nd hand donated sets.

RS156

You're just being petty. Buying kids toys 'preloved' (as we choose to call it) is a wise option. I'm not keen on spending money on virgin plastics and things that kids grow out of too quickly. I'd support this of the Aunt, as long as they're still in clean condition (she will clean them up I'm sure). For the vouchers, there can be a lot of reasons for this. Maybe the Aunt also doesn't want virgin plastics bought for her home and wants to buy from ethical sources, maybe she wants to pool vouchers towards bigger purchases that her child would like, who knows. It makes sense to keep budgets similar. But anything else is just getting petty. If your kids cousin asks for a specific toy at some stage then you could look into getting that - look at the sales, look at preloved, look at vouchers. What's the big deal? 

Groom

It depends on the value of the toys if bought new. If they are expensive toys and she is spending as much on them as you give as a vouchers that is fine. Unless she'd told you, you may not even have been aware what she was doing and I'm sure your son won't know or care. It's petty to buy her son something second hand unless it's something he's asked for.