Stopping the backsliding… a family of four no longer living beyond their means

MFWannabe

angela110660 said:

Last winter I had a new coat from Seasalt -expensive but so worth the money and it will soon be coming out of the cupbord again looking as good as new. So glad I found it.

Weather here is atrocious today
my waterproof jacket is not waterproof and got soaked 
On my list of very much needs is a good waterproof coat that is actually waterproof 

Bluegreen143

Oh that’s not good MFWannabe. A good waterproof is definitely a must! 

Just been advance budgeting out my paycheque and child benefit which both come on Friday (on paper - I won’t budget in YNAB til I get them). 

I’ve started rereading the personal finance book All Your Worth which is where the 50/30/20 budget comes from (ie 50% needs, 30% wants, 20% savings or debt repayment). So I’ve done the budgeting along those lines. 

(Side note - The book actually says to add your pension contributions in too and count them as savings but I always get tangled up and confused with working that out so I’m going to keep them out of it, since they come out before I get paid anyway. Just thought I’d clarify my process in case anyone else has read the book).

Money coming in:
My salary £2,272.20
Child benefit £170.20
Total £2,442.40

Needs £1,221.20
Council tax £170
Life insurance £28.93
Boiler service £20
Home insurance £25.46
YNAB £7.09
Road tax £21.25
Car insurance £100
Groceries £300
Petrol £100
Chickens £20
Car maintenance £428.47

Savings £488.48
Help to Save £100
Credit card £329.50
Emergency fund £58.98

Wants £732.72
Personal pot £350
Holiday £75
Christmas £75
Kids’ clothing £50
Kids’ birthdays £50
Left for leisure/entertainment, subscriptions or small purchases for the rest of the month £132.72

Added to what’s already in the pots, this means we’d have around £458.98 in the emergency fund and £705.47 in car maintenance. Unfortunately I doubt these together will be enough to pay for the car repair bill (which I’m expecting to be closer to or even over £2k) we’ll have this month but it’s obviously at least a good start. 

In October-December, my aim will be to pay the car repairs off the credit card as quickly as possible while putting aside a realistic amount for Christmas. Hopefully we can then start the new year in a good place once our Help to Save savings are paid out to us when they mature. My aim is to pay off the credit card from Oct-Dec income so those savings are available rather than being used to clear debt. 

Floss

I park over a mile away from my office (in a hospital so parking is mainly for patient families) and 2 winters ago I spent £95 on a Peter Storm smart, grey knee-length waterproof, down-filled parka. It is lovely & snug, keeps me dry on that walk and is definitely worth the ££s. I also have a mid-calf Lands' End down coat, bought for a cruise to Iceland in March but also worn in the bitterly cold weather late last winter. That was an Ebay purchase at 70% off because it was last seasons colour 🤷‍♀️

Bluegreen143

Good thoughts on coats.

We had a weekend of nice food. I did pulled pork burritos yesterday, which were very nice, and I’ve got a bit left for lunch. I also made an apple crumble for pudding. We’ve agreed to do a weekly pudding night on Sundays, but the pudding needs to be HM. 

Bambi has always said she doesn’t like apple crumble. She helped me make it and as she was making it she was pouting about it. When we sat down to eat it I was eating mine, then I turned to her to tell her to try hers (and not just eat the ice cream) when I clicked that it was already half gone. I wisely kept my mouth shut and watched her out of the corner of my eye and she actually scoffed the whole thing without complaint 🤣. 

Last night I used the leftover pulled pork (and juices from cooking it) to make pulled pork soup for today, so I’m feeling ahead of the game this week. Pulled pork soup is vaguely like minestrone (any available veg, beans, chopped toms, shredded meat), but with some spices thrown in and no pasta. I used frozen leek, carrots, celery, pepper and the end of a cabbage which needed used up as well as the meat, beans and tomatoes. Looking forward to it!

joedenise

I think when kids help with making things they'll eat them when before they've said that they "hate" that thing!  That's why it's important to get them involved with the prep as early as possible.  It seems to me that you have been really good at getting your kids to try lots of different things rather than just giving them something and chips which a lot of youngsters seem to demand.  Well done.

Bluegreen143

Thanks Joedenise. We’ve never done beige food/chips regularly but I was in despair about three years ago at how little they would try. We followed the current advice peddled on Instagram by dieticians and “parenting experts” to never put pressure on them and just let them choose, never bribe with dessert etc. They just got fussier every week (for instance, neither ate ANY cooked veg, only raw, unless blended into soup). 

We went away for a weekend with my friend and her two kids and Red and I were both amazed at how strict she was with food - and how well her kids ate! It was definitely really impactful and we made many changes to our routine after it. The kids do eat well now and yes, when dessert is available it is contingent on eating one’s veggies first!

As well as getting strict, my other trick which is oddly countercultural now is they hardly get any snacks which aren’t fruit, except as a weekend treat or part of social events. Almost all children I know get multiple carbohydrate-based snacks each day, in big quantities and I cannot understand why schools, nurseries and the NHS continue to advise this (and, in the case of nurseries, actually provide the snacks!) in the wake of a massive obesity epidemic. 

An example is I recently met up with a friend who had packed an entire cooler bag of snacks for her toddler to have on a two hour playdate with us. I watched him eat the best part of a pack of biscuits during this time. Not only is it a poor choice healthwise but of course also has an MSE impact given how expensive pre packed kids’ snacks are! And then your child obviously isn’t interested in dinner… another example is that Bambi’s nursery would regularly let her eat four full slices of toast at snack because their guidelines are now that meals and snacks be fully child-led (a phrase I detest). 

I’ll get off my soap box now - and apologies if the above offends anyone whose kids love snacks! Usual caveats that we all parent different and the above is only my opinion! 

joedenise

I absolutely agree with you @Bluegreen143.  There is too much letting the child choose what he/she wants to eat and more often than not will choose carb based things like biscuits, toast and crisps.  I think you are wise beyond your years and have and "old" head on young shoulders.

I brought my kids up the same way 50ish years ago when money was even tighter than it is now we are pensioners - sweets were a weekend treat not an everyday occurrence!

Well done.

Bluegreen143

Thanks Joedenise. I probably am quite old fashioned in some ways, which isn’t a bad thing! 

I tried something new today - I want to share the budget for my salary with Red, and also talk to him about reducing our personal spending allowance. I would usually just spring this on him and then be surprised/annoyed that he doesn’t ever want to talk about money out of the blue when kicking back with a beer of an evening 😂.

Today I sent him a quick text saying (copied verbatim):

“Just messaging you so I don’t forget. Can we have a quick budget meeting on Wednesday once the kids are in bed?

Just want to talk to you about:

1. Reviewing and making a decision on what our personal spending budgets should be.

2. ⁠Quick run through of the budget for my salary because I’ll get paid on Thursday. 

Love you xxxx”

Shockingly, he has responded better to this approach instead of being ambushed, who’d have thought it! And he seems quite happy and amenable so we’ll see how the meeting goes 🤞🏼. My proposal is to lower our personal spending to the £325-375 range which will make a big difference to our budgets. 

joedenise

I think that's the approach YNAB recommends.  In fact I think they suggest you should have regularly monthly meetings.  My DH isn't interested in talking about finances at all, never has been.  He's happy as long as we can have our holidays regularly and his meals on the table!

foxgloves

On my Big Budget days, where I reconcile the budget for the month just gone & set up the new one, I've noticed that when he gets in, Mr F will ask me, "Are we solvent, then?", which is the perfect opportunity for me to have a run through & highlight any triumphs or pinch-points. Now that he, like me, regards the budgeting process as a facilitator rather than something which cuts, curtails & prohibits, he is very much on board with discussing it, although this is in an informal way. Our more formal meeting, known as the 'Annual Money Summit' takes place every January & has an agenda, a pre-prepared statement (by me) of our financial situation, including our savings. We came to budgeting & living within our income later in life than many (early 40s) & while it still surprises me that we are now a couple with actual savings, it REALLY surprises Mr F & every year during this meeting, when we get to the savings item on the agenda, he says, "I just can't believe that this money is ours". He always thanks me for the time & effort I put into running our household budget & I know that while he is now very good at not wasting money & living within the different strands of our budget, I have emerged as the stronger budgeter in the relationship. We have only really argued about money a couple of times, & both were during the period when I was emerging from many years of silly overspending & wanted a complete change of approach. I had my LBM a good few weeks before he was struck by the same winds of change. At that stage, we had not joined our finances together & he could see that my 24 year old overdraft was reducing at a rate of knots with solid plans for paying off my evil flexi-loan next, & basically, he wanted in on the action. The only time we argued was when he clearly felt that his up-until-then lifestyle of 'See it, Wannit, Buy it' was going to come under threat, but of course, I had, had that lifestyle too & knew it wasn't sustainable when one day I sulkily wondered why with 2 full-time professional salaries, we couldn't afford to buy a campervan. I added up everything we were paying per month to credit cards & loans & there was the answer right there! 
We both have £100 of Personal Spends each month, which can obviously be increased by survey earnings, etc, & despite having been very spendy in the past, I always have money leftover to carry forward into the next month. We only have 2 rules with our Personal Spends 1) It is for spending on absolutely whatever we like 2) When it's gone, it's gone.
Like everything, it's a case of one's household budget being tailored to specifics. No two households will have exactly the same methods, we need to find a system which works for us, then to feel able to make any tweaks required to keep it both relevant & effective.
F