Stopping the backsliding… a family of four no longer living beyond their means

Cheery_Daff

Gosh, definitely deserve a treat after all that! Glad you're all ok. 

We used to get worms sometimes as kids - I assume the same as Monkey. I mostly remember the medicine - pink and supposedly sweet but 🤢🤢🤢 I can still taste that nasty taste, like nothing else 🤢🤢🤢 Hope they've improved things in the last 40 years!

Bluegreen143

Haha it’s just a small chewable orange flavoured tablet, so not too bad Cheery! 

Looks like a lovely blue-sky but slightly chilly and autumnal day. As we’ve had zero summer this year I’m actually ready to see the back of it and embrace autumn! 

Nothing particularly out of the ordinary routine today (get ready - school run - work - school pick up) except for having a couple of little girls over on a play date (Bambi’s nursery friend and her sister). Hoping they all play together nicely and don’t bother me 🤣.

Should be a spending free day which makes a change 🤞🏼.

Did I mention that MIL is paying for the four of us to go away for a couple of nights with her in October? She wants to stay in a family room with the kids and for DH and I to have our own room. Very on board with this setup 🤣. We’re going to a nice seaside hotel with a pool in an area we’ve not been before. Red had found a cheaper hotel but she told him she wanted him to upgrade to somewhere nicer and as she’s paying, fair enough. 

KeepOnKnitting

Oh wow your MIL is brave/generous/careless with her sleep! That's such an amazing offer.

Hope the playdate has gone well and no-one is a tired teary mess. 

Bluegreen143

@KeepOnKnitting Oh she’ll be fine, my kids have long outgrown not sleeping at night! And if anything, my fairly sensible 8yo will be looking after her 🤣. 

She’s never paid for anything like this before. She’s quite obviously convinced that she’s not got long and wants to make some memories with the kids. Which is sensible regardless of what happens with the cancer, because she’s not getting any younger or fitter anyway. I’m sure we’ll all have fun! 

Bluegreen143

Office day today, and I made sure I’d have no temptations to spend by bringing crisps with me. Ideally I wouldn’t snack on things like that and I usually don’t during the week, but I’ve been hovering on the edge of a cold since the kids went back to school and feeling the need for some comfort food. 

Our Tesco delivery is coming today and was a whopping £115. I do think £110-120 a week is a more realistic budget for us than under £100. Everything is so much more expensive than it was when we first had the kids - and they eat more now too. Monkey ate seconds of his linguine, sauce/veg and chicken today which made his portion as big as mine! (He’s a slim boy so he’s not overeating!). 

We do have fairly high standards in that we like nice food, cooked dinners (rather than, say, beans on toast of an evening), not too many processed foods or piles of carbs, and lots of fruit, veg, nuts, fish/lean meat, olive oil etc. So I’m sure it’s possible to feed a family of four much more cheaply. But I don’t think we’ll ever be that family living off a £200 grocery budget…

Anyway, the expensive grocery shop did include some nice treats too so not 100% virtuous. Meal plan as follows: 

F - air fryer chicken & a big salad, apple crumble 
Sa - (brunch) croissant & pancake brunch board, (dinner) burgers on the BBQ
Su - pulled pork tacos 
M - pulled pork & black bean soup
T - halloumi kebabs, pittas, hummus, salad
W - fried rice (to use up all the odds & ends)
W - chicken arrabiata (batch cooking so making double)

Was really impressed by Red today, who was whipping round doing tons of housework when I walked through the door with the kids after school/going to the park. He’s off to karate with Monkey now. I’d offered to alternate weeks but he knows I don’t like having to go out again on a Thursday night so he’s just taken it over, bless him.

I ordered some food tubs on Amazon as we are very short of Tupperwares with lids (for freezing batch cooked stuff) - I just got the takeaway style cheap ones so under £9 for 10. But I can feel myself feeling spendy and starting to want to order random things. Posting this here for accountability that I’m not going to order any random stuff this weekend! 

wannabedebtfreemum95

Your meal plans always sound very varied and interesting - stealing some of those ideas for us for next week! Good luck with your low spend weekend!

Bluegreen143

Thank you! We do like to cook and eat good food. Monkey is becoming much more adventurous at wanting to try new things which is a joy and making me want to branch out more.

Interesting that now we don’t have any money left in the family discretionary pots until my payday, I keep thinking of things I want to buy. I’m just trying to notice the feeling, which I think is a gut reaction to scarcity, and let it pass. Some of the things I will buy in the future, but I want to get out of the knee jerk reaction of buying things right away. 

I do need a winter coat - but I don’t need it today. I have a few weeks to look into it and keep an eye out to see if second hand is an option. 

I want pins for putting my hair up or pinning it back (both bobby pins, and I also want to try U shaped pins). Not a huge expense and I’m onto about two bent bobby pins left in my pouch of hair stuff. But I don’t need to buy them today. I can use a bobble to plait my hair, or just make sure it’s clean and styled so it looks good down. 

Once Red described to me that when he’s decided that something needs purchased or done in the house it feels like an open loop in his brain that annoys him until he’s ticked it off his list. We were talking about the advantages of putting off purchases (spreading the cost, finding better deals and possibly deciding you don’t need it after all) and usually I’m the one encouraging him to do this. But I can relate to that open loop feeling too. It’s definitely easier to plan to defer spending on someone else’s priorities than my own! 

The above is also why I am reasonably understanding about Red being a bit spendy at times. He’s not out partying or gambling, or generally does come from him trying to get lots of stuff done in the house and tbh his productive and focused nature is a big part of what I love about him. 

This weekend I’m planning to do some of the free work I can do to get ready for the Big Kids’ Room Switch. We want to declutter and organise our built in wardrobe to make space for bedding & towels to be stored in our room, so the linen cupboard in the hall then becomes the place where we store overflow kid stuff (toys we’ve stashed out of rotation, out of season clothes etc) - for both kids, but particularly Bambi, who will have a fairly tiny room. While we aren’t ready to do the decorating and bed making work, this is something we can crack on with so I’m looking forward to starting. 

themadvix

Does it help to write down the things you want to buy? You’re not going to forget them then, so it might reduce the open loop feeling - you don’t need to give them brain space. This is also a good way of forgetting, coming back and reassessing whether you actually need to buy it or if it was a knee-jerk reaction.

Bluegreen143

Yes, I think you’re right that that would help. Giving myself space from making purchases immediately is definitely key as I often change my mind about the necessity of it later if I just wait.

Quick round up of spending this month as I do find it helpful to check in between pay days:

NEEDS £1,292.46
Mortgage £528.86
Road tax £255
Gas & electricity £241
Groceries £192.43 (Not very good as we are only six days in to the month 😳 - have three “big shops” to get so unlikely to come in under £500 at the end of the month)
Life insurance £45.07
Internet £25.90
Parking £4.20

WANTS £211.28
Kids £72.20 Standing orders for activities & pocket money mainly 
Gifts & celebrations £63.21 (a gift for BIL to say thanks for the car loan)
Books & hobbies (me) £37.89 (yarn)
Leisure & entertainment £28.99 Includes TV license & Netflix
Home & garden £8.99

Checked our pensions balances today:
Me £30,677.20 (I’m 36 😳)
Red £14,665.04 (he’s 40 😳😳)
My LISA £2,697.26 
Red’s LISA - need his phone to check but I’d estimate about half mine as he’s not had it as long

Other stats:
Debt
Credit card debt £329.90 (due to be paid off next week but then added to for car repairs)

Savings
Emergency fund £300
Help to Save accounts £4,500
My S&S ISA £199.15

Car pot £273.07
Christmas pot £150
Kids’ room swap project £204.95
Other pots all empty so not going to list them.

Oh and we owe £101,676 on the main mortgage and £27,025 on the second mortgage we took out for our conservatory a couple of years ago.

Floss

Bluegreen143 said:

I want pins for putting my hair up or pinning it back (both bobby pins, and I also want to try U shaped pins). Not a huge expense and I’m onto about two bent bobby pins left in my pouch of hair stuff.... 

I found old fashioned hairpins (the fine U shaped ones) were best for holding my hair when I used to put it up into a French pleat, think I got mine from Savers or Superdrug but it's over 6 years since I had long enough hair!