what age does a child have to be to make own descions??

misty

I think the answer is always going to be dependent on the individual circumstances. My son has no contact with his father and that is my decision and one I thought long and hard about and continue to do so. I feel my son needs stability and continuity and his father whilst wanting to see him couldn't/wouldn't stick to any kind of regular contact - I think my son needs to be able to trust and believe what the adults in his life say and unfortunately his father is not trustworthy or reliable - mostly because of selfishness and/or focus on gambling/drinking.

When he is older and asks to see his father and is certain then I will contact him and arrange this if this is something his father still wants - I do know that ultimatley this will lead to disappointment and being let down and this is something I want him to be protected from for as long as possible. His father has said he wants to see him but not enough to turn up sober and I would rather he had an absent father than one who arrived smelling like a brewery and a pocketful of excuses.

He does see all the time his paternal grandmother and his uncle who keep me up to date with his behaviour and if this was to change for the better than things could be reconsidered.

play2day

All childrens thoughts and feelings should be taken into account. Even if their wishes cannot be met for practical or safety reasons they have a right for them to be recognised.
Young babies can display preferances long before they can communicate verbally. Once a child can voice an opinion then they a right for it to be listened to and respected.

LondonDiva

In the NHS, the standard judgement for a child is Gillick competency. Have a look at this link http://www.yourrights.org.uk/your-rights/chapters/the-rights-of-children-and-young-people/parental-resposibility/key-area-s-of-parental-responsibility.shtml it may be able to point you in a starting direction.

I would strongly advise getting the child an independent advocate who will be able to make the child's voice heard & (sorry ) can make sure the child is not unduly influenced in either direction.

Your local children's social services will ahve information on organisations who may be able to support you (even if you approach them anonymously) as they work in these sort of situations all the time.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

chocolatechipcookies wrote: »

I agree. I grew up with my mother and her parents interfering with my relationship with my father, and I lost out on 18 years with him. Nobody ever listened to what I wanted or needed, they were more concerned with themselves. My mom's parents hated my dad, I don't know why, but they used me against him and lied to me about him. They made me think he didn't love me and I believed it for a very long time. He died a few years ago and I will never get my relationship back. This is why I get so angry with mothers who won't let their child see their dads. I won't forgive my mother or grandparents for a very long time, because they stole so many years from me.

I was 5 when this all started.

Yes this is what I'm wanting to avoid. The person I'm speaking about in this thread is someone I know dearly and I'm trying to seek advice without pushing for professional advice (if you get what i mean).

I see how hurt this person is and I just want to help in anyway i can.

I do get the feeling (as in your post choc, that the same thing is happening to an extent).

the_devil_made_me_do_it

Danni wrote: »

When I was 12 the court decided that I was old enough to choose if I wanted contact with my dad or not (well, that was the theory, anyhow).The younger ones (10, 7 and 6 at the time) didn't have that option.

As it turned out I was forced by my mother to have contact with my dad, which has caused a lot of problems for me now, but at 12 I was old enough in the court's eyes.

Oh dear, noone should be forced into anything, however, they should be given the full facts in order to help them make a descion (dosen't have to be binding or long lasting even). Sorry to hear of you experience.