what age does a child have to be to make own descions??

the_devil_made_me_do_it

Just wondering how old a child has to be before their feelings and thoughts have to be listened to and taken into account?

badmumof1

without a little bit more info on the situation i cannot honestly give a answer.

iwanttosave_2

At the age they are able to understand the outcome of their feelings or thoughts. I would say 5-6ish in my sons case but some children could be sooner, others later. Depends on the child.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

badmumof1 wrote: »

without a little bit more info on the situation i cannot honestly give a answer.

Don't really want to give any details. Just wondered. It is to do with contact (or lack of in this case).

iceicebaby

Depends on the circumstances and the understanding of the child. Most importantly the effect of making such a decision has on the child.

Without more info I couldnt comment although I do have personal experience of something similar to what you hint at when i was a child

the_devil_made_me_do_it

iceicebaby wrote: »

Depends on the circumstances and the understanding of the child. Most importantly the effect of making such a decision has on the child.

Without more info I couldnt comment although I do have personal experience of something similar to what you hint at when i was a child

So.. where you ever given the opportunity of having your views heard and acted upon??

whitewing

Ohhh, difficult one. My DS (11) has not seen his father for over 2 years. We have no contact details except for his grandmother, who is fickle and may or may not know where he is.

If my DS wanted to contact his Dad, then I would probably wait until he kept nagging me. Then I would let him try but would prepare his for disappointment. Makes me furious that his Dad has no sticking power. Personally, the way it has been with lack of contact I see no reason for him to even try to contact his Dad. I hate the lies and manipulation.

But I would listen to my DS's feelings and mop up the mess afterwards I suppose. However, I would have no hesitation in overriding him (at whatever age) if I felt it was detrimental to son's well-being.

iceicebaby

the_devil_made_me_do_it wrote: »

So.. where you ever given the opportunity of having your views heard and acted upon??

Yes, although it was very traumatic experience for me. Also my brother and older sister.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

whitewing wrote: »

Ohhh, difficult one. My DS (11) has not seen his father for over 2 years. We have no contact details except for his grandmother, who is fickle and may or may not know where he is.

If my DS wanted to contact his Dad, then I would probably wait until he kept nagging me. Then I would let him try but would prepare his for disappointment. Makes me furious that his Dad has no sticking power. Personally, the way it has been with lack of contact I see no reason for him to even try to contact his Dad. I hate the lies and manipulation.

But I would listen to my DS's feelings and mop up the mess afterwards I suppose. However, I would have no hesitation in overriding him (at whatever age) if I felt it was detrimental to son's well-being.

From what I can gather of the circumstances I'm referring to, the detriment is on the parent not the child in this case... a streak of insane jealousy. The parent dosen't want it and it's not for the child's sake. They just can't stand the thought that their child could give love to another if you get my drift.

iceicebaby

so the other parent is forcing kids to see them when the kids dont want to as they are jealous of a new partner in the parent with care's life ?

Or am I off track ?

allycat999

I had serious problems with my ex over contact. I won't tell you the long boring story but ask for a cafcass officer to be appointed. My daughter was 7 years old at the time and yes her opinion on what she wanted was listened to. The cafcass officer reports her decision to the judge who in my case listened to her - thank goodness.
Good luck, hugs and best wishes.
Stay strong.
Ally