Respite for parent with 2 LPA's

squirrelchops2

Talk to your mother in law's social worker about Shared Lives and see if this is an option. This is where vulnerable people go to live with a host family in their home for respite and for some families who are not in favour of the traditional respite model of a care home could be a way forward that the sister agrees with.

Warren100uk

badmemory said:

From the very little you have said then I think that from sister in laws viewpoint it is all about the money.  She doesn't want her in respite she wants her in full time care, out of the house & the house sold.  Perhaps a gentle reminder of how much a year that care will reduce the remaining value by & how much your care is saving her for her inheritance.

Hi Bad memory, any inheritance is already allocated in mum and dad's wills. Mum has 2 daughters from current marriage and 2 from previous marriage 50 years ago. The  other daughters have a strained relationship with mum. 1 has now decided to join my SIL in wanting to now be involved in all decisions but hasn't really seen her mum more than 3 times in the last year and now she wants her rights as a daughter but we do just ignore her. Dads part of the house is split even between wife and SIL and mum's between the 4 of them. We do think money is a motivating factor in some of this. 

Warren100uk

squirrelchops2 said:

Talk to your mother in law's social worker about Shared Lives and see if this is an option. This is where vulnerable people go to live with a host family in their home for respite and for some families who are not in favour of the traditional respite model of a care home could be a way forward that the sister agrees with.

Hi Squirrelchops, thanks we do known about shared lives and didn't consider them. Definitely will look into that. Thanks alot

Danien

Firstly, your sister's position on this is incredibly inconsiderate of both of you as carers and the stresses that entails.

My Aunt and Uncle were carers for my Nan until she passed. When they wanted respite I would stay at their house and take over while they were away. They only wanted a week and a few weekends a year - I would have done more if needed. Unfortunately I couldn't have Nan at my house as it wasn't disability friendly.

I think you need to lay down the law and leave it in her court. Tell her that you both need the respite, you will continue to need respite at intervals while you are caring for you MIL. Tell her this is something ALL carers need due to the stresses on the carers and on your relationship as well, and that this is your right. Tell her you will be spending the respite at your home (which is your home too as well as MIL) Tell her if she has a problem with the arrangements you have made, she is free to make other arrangements for her Mum. I would also add that if she thinks 24/7 care does not require respite then she is free to try it and see how she feels. Tell her that the discussion is over unless she provides an alternative that allows you to have the respite alone at home. Leave it in her court.

Warren100uk

Hi all, 

Thank you for all your advice and support with this. We were starting to feel that maybe we are being selfish but your advice has made us know that we are not.

We are going to tell the sister that when we want, mum with being going into respite so we can have a break at home .But she is more than welcome to make other arrangements for mum to stay somewhere and have a break from us. If she can't come up with alternative then it's happening.

Again, thanks alot for all of your advice.