Respite for parent with 2 LPA's

Warren100uk

Hi all, 

Currently we are in a dispute with a family member about to our mum who we are full time carers for going into respite so we can have a break at home.

My wife and I have been live in carer's for her mum who has dementia for nearly 3 years after dad passed away  We have never had much of a break away from caring and now we have been offered respite for mum by the local authority. We live in mum's house but would like some time at home without us having to go away and for us respite is the solution but my wife's sister doesn't want it to happen. She will not have her mother for a week, or stay at the home even if we wanted to go away. We think it would be a positive experience for mum but the sister sees it as us kicking mum out and would be upsetting for mum. If we didn't live with mum, the only option would be for mum to be in a permanent residential home.

They are both LPA for mums health, but were set up that it doesn't need both to agree and once can act alone. Could the sister actually stop us from sending mum on a respite break in care setting, legally? Mum has been accessed as not having capacity.

Thanks for any advice.

Flugelhorn

Re the LPA - if you can act severally then you can indeed agree to respite care for mum 

As sister also has LPA she could also arrange alternate care for the period of time when you need a break 

Warren100uk

Flugelhorn said:

Re the LPA - if you can act severally then you can indeed agree to respite care for mum 

As sister also has LPA she could also arrange alternate care for the period of time when you need a break 

Hi Flugelhorn, 

Thanks for the reply, the sister is saying that we can not put mum into respite as it's her home but we have lived her for over 2 years and may actually want to stay at home and get a full rest from being carers just for a week without having to to go away. We wish the sister would take charge and arrange alternative care but she won't anyway. She comes over for 3 hours once a week and has no understanding of how hard it is to care for someone 24hrs a day ,every day. We have explained what we do but it doesn't seem to sink in

Keep_pedalling

Your SIL’s attitude is appalling, if she really thinks it would upset her mother then she should step in and help out. Caring 24/7 is terrific burden and is often detrimental to the physical and mental health of the carers. Ignore this selfish woman, arrange the respite and have a more than well earned break.

I would not inform SIL it is happening, really it has nothing to do with her, you are the carers and this break is for you more than it is for your mother.

Good luck.

elsien

If there is a dispute between powers of attirney ultimately the OPG would have to step in If one of you reported the other as not affecting in her best interests.

However, given the higher risk of carer breakdown If your sister is objecting she needs to come up with an alternative. 

Would the social worker could be willing to take part in a best interests discussion to discuss the pros and cons and how she just go, it can be made easier for her? And what is the alternative? Because you do need a break. Is there money to pay for carers to go in? Would that be more upsetting having strange people, et cetera et cetera?
Because this is basically a dispute about what is in Mum‘s best interests. could you ask the social worker to get involved in those discussions?

Seasalt3

You are entitled and deserve a break

 Go ahead and arrange respite care for mother in law.

  Don't take any notice of sister in law.  She is being incredibly selfish and unreasonable.

GDB2222

Sister in law is of course right that it would be disorienting for MIL to go into a home for a week. Ideally, SIL should simply move in and take care of MIL while you are away for a well earned break. If she isn’t comfortable with that then she should provide 24 hours care at home in some other way. Or, she should simply accept the second best solution that is on offer.

Warren100uk

Keep_pedalling said:

Your SIL’s attitude is appalling, if she really thinks it would upset her mother then she should step in and help out. Caring 24/7 is terrific burden and is often detrimental to the physical and mental health of the carers. Ignore this selfish woman, arrange the respite and have a more than well earned break.

I would not inform SIL it is happening, really it has nothing to do with her, you are the carers and this break is for you more than it is for your mother.

Good luck.
 

Many thanks, we have discussed that. We hate that out energy is being wasted dealing with this.

Warren100uk

GDB2222 

Sister in law is of course right that it would be disorienting for MIL to go into a home for a week. Ideally, SIL should simply move in and take care of MIL while you are away for a well earned break. If she isn’t comfortable with that then she should provide 24 hours care at home in some other way. Or, she should simply accept the second best solution that is on offer.

Thanks for the advice ,maybe we are being selfish but we would like to do something we haven't done for a long time which is to be at home , sleep in our own bed and just for a short time not have to think about being carers. It's as if we are asking for something so unusual.

Warren100uk

elsien said:

If there is a dispute between powers of an and ultimately the OPG would have to step in If one of you reported the other as not affecting in her best interests.

However, given the higher risk of carer breakdown If your sister is objecting she needs to come up with an alternative. 

Would the social worker could be willing to take part in a best interests discussion to discuss the pros and cons and how she just go, it can be made easier for her? And what is the alternative? Because you do need a break. Is there money to pay for carers to go in? Would that be more upsetting having strange people, et cetera et cetera?
Because this is basically a dispute about what is in Mum‘s best interests. could you ask the social worker to get involved in those discussions?

Thanks Elsien, that is great advice and idea

Warren100uk

Seasalt3 said:

You are entitled and deserve a break

 Go ahead and arrange respite care for mother in law.

  Don't take any notice of sister in law.  She is being incredibly selfish and unreasonable.

Thanks Seasalt3, it may come to that. We hope it doesn't though and they can see it all from our point of view.