My Debt Detox

recklessmurmur

Evening everyone,

I've taken the first leap into clearing up the mess of debt I have accumulated over the years, and frankly feel petrified. So thought by starting a diary I can (hopefully) look back in the future & give myself a pat on the back for getting things sorted.

Debt crept up on me through a mixture of poor financial decisions, a divorce, two children, solicitors fee's, and basically wanting things I can't afford.

I have two debts - Lloyds CC which I have just missed the first payment for (about £12,500) and Capital One, again just missed first payment of which has about £3700 on. 

It feels horrible having missed these payments, having never missed a single one before. But frankly, trying to manage these debts was killing me. 

One thing I need to move away from, is my mindset of needing credit 'just incase'. It's a real detox this process. I feel panicky, almost claustrophobic, thinking I don't have access to a credit card incase something goes wrong. Hence the name of my diary - I really need to go cold turkey & detox from debt.

I struggle aswell thinking I can't have things immediately now. Things like taking my children away for a weekend relatively spontaneously. I'd stick it on a credit card & forget about it. Please don't judge me - this shift in mindset is a real key part of this for me. I worry as I now can't do these things. I keep thinking by the time my debt is paid, my children will be 20 and 22. Thats their childhoods gone, spent watching their Mum counting pennies & having no money.

Do things get better? I feel pretty hopeless. Hoping this feeling changes. 

Much love & respect RM x

WinterWarrior

Things do get better, I promise!
Have you looked at the Dave Ramsey baby steps? He recommends a £1k emergency fund, this takes the place of credit for something to fall back on in a real emergency. 

An soa is a good place to start if you haven’t done one? Good luck. 

redofromstart

Just dropping in to say hello. Start with a budget and see what options you have.

recklessmurmur

Thank you everyone. I've missed out quite a large chunk of my planning I now realise!!

I have stopped paying with the intention of saving an emergency fund & then entering into a DMP. I think until I have this emergency fund, I will feel a bit nervous. Will take me about 5 months to get an emergency fund together I think. Well, 4 more months now.

I need to redo a SOA really as this is my first month living in my budget and I have gone WAYYYY off somewhere. Must plan some time in to do this. RM xx

remote_control

I grew up in a low income family and it made me very frugal, appreciative of how hard my mum worked, appreciative of the things I had and the treats I was given etc. So don't worry too much about your kids in my opinion! 

Keep posting regularly, you'll find little judgement here (hopefully) as lots of people have been in your situation xx

Lonelygambler

Welcome and good luck 

Jay19903562

I definitely get the feeling of havint to change from spontaneously putting things on credit cards then forgetting about them , or paying horrendous amounts of interest then because I'd just make the minimum payments .Ive got about 10k on different cards because of that very practice .

recklessmurmur

It's a real mindset shift. It panics me. I know its not a healthy relationship to have with money, but I've used and had access to credit since I was 18. Thats definitely more than a few years of being used to it. 

I have a bit of a 'f it' mindset. Vicious cycle. 

redofromstart

Roughly old are your children? I was brought up on nothing, split five ways. My mother remains mildly annoyed that I remember very little of the places we went that she saved for. The ones I remember are  dashing round forests with my brothers laying trails, pretending to be a horse, making salt dough models, etc not the trips out. My boys randomly remember the free stuff most - jumping in puddles and driving home in underwear on carrier bags being a perennial favourite. Less than 10 minutes drive boys, but yes we were 'nearly naked ' cue Beavis and Butthead sniggers. You can make memories for pennies.

you will need a budget for any kind of DMP, worth researching what you are allowed to assign for food etc. it may be more than you think.

recklessmurmur

Thanks everyone. You've really cheered me up hearing your childhood memories. When I think back, all my best or most vivid memories are things whoch, generally, were not too lavish.
I have one child in high school, and my youngest goes up next year, just to give an idea of ages. They habe been brilliant since I took a large paycut in recent times. Long story short, I've always earnt between £45-80k a year over the last 8yrs or so, but now take home just short of £40k. Whilst still a good wage, being a single parent it doesn't go far, especially with debts I racked up when I could 'afford' them. Ironic really,  thinking I could afford to take out debt. Makes no sense. 
Really does go to show aswell that life can change in the blink of an eye. 
Look forward to sharing my journey with you all. RM xx

Prodigal50

Hi!

I really like Dave Ramsey and his approach to things for the most part. One of the things he talks about is that idea of 'affordable debt'. As you say it's a strange thing to think about debt being affordable. It's actually giving people who went to sell us stuff our money before we have even had the chance to earn it. Sometimes I think if I could say "F it" to the people who are happy to see me go into debt to make them rich that would be a help! :-)

I wish you all the very best!