Thank you

elsien

You also both need to think about school holidays and half terms and how those will work if you are both working and  unable to take the full-time off depending on the age of your children. How old are they? 

What support networks do you have around you for someone to talk to and think things through?

thegolden

We have said we would get a friend to do mediation for us and put down what we will both do, all the solicitors are about £280 per hour which we do not have, it’s not going to be very nice for any of us, she wants what she wants and I’ll just have to go along with it

elsien

That's not a good idea. You need a professional mediator. A friend is not going to be able to be impartial. And a friend will have no clue about how to take pensions into account, just as one example. Do either of you even know what your pensions are worth at the moment,  because that will  be part of the discussion? 
There will be a cost to mediation but it will be less than going to a solicitor and no you don't have to just go along with what she wants. 
Using mediation to help you separate - Citizens Advice

She has been planning this and has had time to think. You have not. So don't make any decisions until you have had processing time and also time to gather information for yourself.  You can get a half hour free appointment with a solicitor as a starting point. There is also the wikivorce website which is sometimes recommended on here. 

Emmia

thegolden said:

We have said we would get a friend to do mediation for us and put down what we will both do, all the solicitors are about £280 per hour which we do not have, it’s not going to be very nice for any of us, she wants what she wants and I’ll just have to go along with it

I really wouldn't involve a friend, even if they're a professional mediator as they're going to find it impossible to be properly detached and impartial.

Your wife I expect has seen a divorce lawyer, and is no doubt getting her ducks in a row. You need to look after you, and yes, that might involve paying for legal advice and looking at Wikivorce. 

The first step though is accepting that your relationship and marriage are probably over, and then seeking to move forward as positively as possible.

thegolden

thanks for all the comments, The bottom line is can I remain in this house with my children or can she force me to sell it? One of my sons has told me he does not want to live with mum. He wants to live with me I didn’t ask him he just told me the other is finding it rather odd and my daughter is just in floods of tears. I have an appointment with a solicitor next week

Emmia

thegolden said:

thanks for all the comments, The bottom line is can I remain in this house with my children or can she force me to sell it? One of my sons has told me he does not want to live with mum. He wants to live with me I didn’t ask him he just told me the other is finding it rather odd and my daughter is just in floods of tears. I have an appointment with a solicitor next week

The house can be required to be sold by a court as part of a divorce. But it will depend on what other assets there are. 

Is the house mortgaged? Can you afford to buy your wife out and take on the mortgage payments alone?

thegolden

Yes, the house is mortgaged two cars worth five grand each no savings, I can’t afford to buy her out and can only stay if she pays half the mortgage, she has the main job as I reduced my work to be with kids so she could do more hours, I have no pension she has a really good one 

Emmia

thegolden said:

Yes, the house is mortgaged two cars worth five grand each no savings, I can’t afford to buy her out and can only stay if she pays half the mortgage, she has the main job as I reduced my work to be with kids so she could do more hours, I have no pension she has a really good one 

Then I expect the house will need to be sold. Sorry. 

RAS

The basic rule is that assets, including the house and pensions are shared 50:50. You still haven't told us how old the children are as that matters, a lot.

But

If the children are staying with you, you are likely to get more than half the equity
If she's got a large pension, then the cash value of that will be shared and she foregoes part of her pension, or you might trade that for more equity in the house.
Since you reduced your hours to allow her to develop her career and sacrificed yours, it would be worth arguing for additional support or a year or two delay so you have time to get back into the workplace fully. Where there's a decent income, women get it sometime, no reason why you shouldn't.

And is she paying you the required child support? Is that more than half the mortgage cost?

You really do need contact wikivorce ASAP.

elsien

thegolden said:

Yes, the house is mortgaged two cars worth five grand each no savings, I can’t afford to buy her out and can only stay if she pays half the mortgage, she has the main job as I reduced my work to be with kids so she could do more hours, I have no pension she has a really good one 

But if she carries on paying half the mortgage, she then won’t be able to get a mortgage for another property for herself and it may impact her ability to pay rent.
Divorce  generally means that both parties have to accept a lower standard of living, unless there is a lot of wealth involved. That includes in housing as well.