Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner pay towards furnishing and decorating my new house?

djhowes

The specifics of any partnership should be down to the 2 parties to mutually agree - there are no hard and fast rules, and therefore who pays for what is down to the two of you to agree. From an emotional perspective neither party wants to feel as if they are either being taken for a ride or being unfairly treated in any arrangement - if this happens then there is a clear risk that money issues may undermine the relationship. A relationship lasting 4 years can hardly be considered casual.
From a legal point of view, some of the advice offered in earlier responses is wrong. It is an established principle in law that in circumstances where unmarried co-habiting couples contribute jointly to the expenses of their joint household, that both parties have a claim to the sale proceeds of the shared home; this principle applies even if the property is owned by one party, and mortgage payments are paid from an account in that party's name. (Jointly in this context doesn't mean equal, but the exact contributions would inform a court in making any order; cohabiting effectively means sleeping in the same bed ie not separate rooms akin to having a lodger).  An unmarried partner does not have to contribute to paying the mortgage; any contribution to household expenses by your partner could give your partner a claim to a share of your property.

ripongrammargirl

Here’s a radical idea: just get married and everything is then shared equally. If you have been together 4 years, what is preventing this? Keep things simple by doing something as easy and proper as getting wed!
why create all this hassle of who pays for what?
I worked full time when I met my husband to be, as did he but on 6 times my salary. I then became disabled and unable to work so I do my share of the marriage by doing all the housework, and buying the weekly groceries as well as a tiny amount into the mortgage every week. I have HUGE debts, which increased after my disability, and have been trying to pay them off since before I met hubby 20 years ago. I (try to) deal with this and he pays for everything else.
One day I might be debt free and have a bit of money but, until then, this is our system so you could do similar as we have the same issue (apart from the debt arrangement which I can’t do as it would be detrimental for hubby’s job.)
Things will work themselves out with a little thought and plenty of give and take.

Mandy43

It depends on how secure you feel in your relationship. The fact you are already weighing up the options should you split feels like a red flag. Ensure that you keep the Land Reg title in your sole name, regardless of the situation with the mortgage, bills or anything else. Do not put his name on the title and do not sign any legal documents giving him an interest in the property. That way if you split up the house is yours regardless of what he might have paid towards it - he would have to prove a ‘beneficial interest’ in court ie that he had paid a significant sum towards the house. If his name is on the Land Registry title then absolutely make him pay half the mortgage - but if it’s not just keep quiet for now. It’s whose name is on Land Registry documents that really matters legally regardless of who has paid what. Getting married gives him more rights, so if you are at all unsure don’t do it! I would think he would offer to help with other expenses if you are paying the mortgage, but if not then it’s up to you whether you are happy to put up with that. It does seem odd that he would merrily move in with no plans to contribute whatsoever, but maybe he helps in other ways.

Mandy43

bikaga said:

I recommend writing down an agreement and signing it with witnesses for whatever you mean to do.

Want him to pay rent and bills to help you fund the mortgage? Capture if that entitles him to some part of the property or not.

Want him to pay for some of the decoration and furnishings? Capture how much he's paid and what he's entitled to if you split up.

Don't just expect that everything would be in your name - depending on where you are, if you've been living together for a certain amount of time and you're say in Scotland, common law might apply. Even in England, if you were to separate and he can prove that he paid towards the mortgage or furnishings that might entitle him to some of the property (https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/unmarried-couples-owning-property-together-the-law/ - If your partner owns the house you live in, your rights may be quite limited, unless you have a cohabitation agreement in place.
The default legal position is that you will have no right to a share of the property, unless you can prove that you have ‘acquired an interest’ in the property, often by contributing to the mortgage or home improvements or by showing that there was a shared intention that you would have a share and you have relied on it to your disadvantage).

So best thing to do is - agree what he is and isn't entitled to and get that captured, with a solicitor, or at least a signed document with witnesses.

From a personal moral point of view, I would feel guilty about having my partner pay e.g. rent towards my mortgage that he would've joined if he could've and not rewarding this at all, like if he's helping me finance my home then he should have some kind of benefit if we split up. 

There is absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about. Would you feel guilty about a lodger paying rent which you put towards your mortgage? Of course not. As per my earlier comment, I am surprised that he is resisting paying anything towards his living costs - morally I can’t see how he could be comfortable with this, especially in a long term relationship. And of course if you split then you would work something out re his financial contribution. So yes, a cohabitation agreement might be a good idea, as long as he is happy to sign up to confirm that he isn’t making any contribution to your home whatsoever. If he’s not willing to pay but not willing to put that in writing, that would be an interesting situation!

DannyHotPotato

Having an IVA means he had debt large enough to not be able to pay it back.
Careful he doesn't get into debt he can't pay back to you!

WYSPECIAL

How is the IVA and getting out of debt going? 
How long do they have left before being debt free?

bramble5

I couldn’t even imagine having these sorts of conversations with my wife. We always buy what we agree on, and whose money exactly pays for it is neither here nor there. If there’s something we want specifically (like for a hobby) then we just buy it ourselves. However I wouldn’t think twice about giving her cash for whatever she wants. If one of us needs a bit of extra cash to clear a CC, we just share it. Equally, if I was making enough on my own I would love to provide for everything she needs. 

I guess the point I’m making is that you feel he’s not bringing enough to the relationship, and can see an end point at some time in the future. Otherwise you wouldn’t be thinking about protecting your financial interests. But if he isn’t offering to match your spending, maybe you should be. 

km1500

avoid letting him pay anything which in the future he could use to claim he has a financial interest in the house EG repairs furnishing furniture mortgage etc

day-to-day living expenses such as food gas electricity water increase in council tax because of a loss of the single person's discount etc are fine

Albermarle

hdknight88 said:

You're here because you want him to pay for the decoration. The house is in your name.

Either he pays half for everything except your mortgage or end the relationship.  Really depends on your long term expectation of the relationship. But you may want to speak to a financial adviser.

Financial advisors are there to advise on investments, pensions, tax etc and not on this kind of issue, where a solicitor would be more appropriate if professional advice was needed.

OP - If your partner was to contribute to buying furniture, probably best to stick to easily removable moderately prices items. Like a spare bed or coffee table and not a large corner sofa, or washing machine for example.
Some manual input into decorating/DIY/gardening could be a good compromise.

keithyno.1

"If our relationship were to end, the house and all that's in it would be in my name," you say.

Well not necessarily, according to previous replies. It sounds to me like the best option would be for both of you to visit a solicitor for them to run through all the options open to you, agree on one of them and then get a legal agreement drawn up which you will both sign.

If your partner isn't agreeable to this then that would be a red flag to me. He's already got a history of debt, for whatever reason. Be careful!