Money Moral Dilemma: How should my wife deal with sharing meal costs at her new job?

gocurlygirl

Once went for an evening meal with work colleagues.Just an evening out.Quite a nice, expensive restaurant. On one side of me was someone who only had one course and no alcohol. On another a person who ordered an expensive starter, lobster, and dessert. Also had some expensive alcoholic drinks.A bottle of wine and brandy to follow. When the bill came you can guess who suggested that we split the bill. This is some time ago when it seemed to be the  thing ’ to split the cost of the meals. This time we said ‘ no’. 

Cinders2001

If your wife stands up for herself at the beginning of this working relationship, then her co workers will come to respect her as a non pushover.
The first week was new. Everyone else just did their usual and assumed she would go along with it their routine.

If she this week says, 'Thank you, but I will be paying my own bill in future. It's how I do things, just like your way is how YOU do things. Ok? Pass the menu please, whats good this week, any recommendations?...'

Hope it goes well 👍🏻

robatwork

MSE_Kelvin said:

robatwork said:

Another MSE made-up cringe post. Please stop trying to drum up fake engagement.

Morning (well, it was when I started writing) @robatwork,

Hope you're good.

Thanks for your engagement

Almost every week someone says that the particular Money Moral Dilemma for that week is fake, and unfortunately it's difficult for us to prove otherwise given that we'd never put the privacy of those kind enough to send them in at risk.

All I can say is that in my five-odd years of overseeing Money Moral Dilemma, we've never used one that wasn't a genuine submission by a user, someone who works at MSE or family/friends of someone who works at MSE.

And if you're able to take the time to go through past MMDs, you'll find there are several threads where the person who submitted the dilemma has chosen to reveal themselves and get involved in the discussion - please believe me when I say we definitely don't have the resources to spend time pretending to be other people on the forum!

Appreciate there will always be some scepticism around the dilemmas we use (though you should see some of the ones we can't use...), but please rest assured we don't gather in darkened corners hatching schemes to snatch clicks from innocent internet users

Cheers,

MSE Kelvin 🍺

Well now you're just arguing far too much!

But I'll withdraw the "fake" accusation on this one then, but double-down on "cringe"

LT86

Your wife should just say from the outset that she cant afford to split the bill and will therefore settle her own bill - simple!!

maddogwoman

Just say, ' I didnt have any wine and I'm only paying for what I had thanks!' This happens to me all the time as I dont drink  and everyone knows I will only pay for what I had. They will soon get the message!!

penners324

Refuse to est with the team or ensure the employer is paying this back expenses

brek01

Not at all a moral dilemma to me, they are taking the ****. Just pay for what you ordered. Its a trait of selfish me me me types to 'split' the bill, leveraging decent peoples good manners to save a few quid. personally, I dislike people like that.

gloriouslyhappy

This type of dilemma seems to come up frequently. Why do we have such a problem saying no thanks, I'll just pay for what I had? Now I'm older, I have no problem just paying for myself.

I don't drink much, and often have just a simple pasta dish, so my bill is much lower than 3-course heavy drinkers incur. Now when I go out with a group, I let the wait staff know I'll be paying separately, and I've never had any staff say that's not possible. I add in 1/6 of the cost of a bottle of wine for my one glass, or order a different wine by the glass to the bottles being ordered, and add in a tip based on my total cost, it's quite simple to make sure I'm being fair.

Hoenir

Andy_L said:

Hoenir said:

The Company concerned should have clear explicit expenses policy. £43 for an evening meal would be considered excessive. The drinks bill almost certainly not claimable. Even if it was. Would foul of the HMRC. 

Claiming alcohol or not is an internal company policy matter. HMRC have no opinion one way or the other - 

There's subsistance and there's entertaining. Reasonable expenditure certainly comes into the equation. 

HannahNP

Your wife needs to learn to say no.  Just when bill comes, she needs to say, I am happy to contribute what I have eaten + service.  If these meals are regular needs to be paid individually.   Surely others my be feeling same.   I never ever have 3 courses so I am always paying for others.  However my meals our are very rare also quite often we go for tapas or shared food.  She had 2 courses. So not too behind. Also if she is on a high pay, I would not bother, Sometimes these expenses are investments..