Money Moral Dilemma: How should my wife deal with sharing meal costs at her new job?

Tiger_Tony

robatwork said:

Another MSE made-up cringe post. Please stop trying to drum up fake engagement.

Why is there a vocal minority on here who keep harping on about made-up posts? Why do you think they are made-up? I don't see any evidence for it. I suppose conspiracy theorists get everywhere nowadays!

MSE_Kelvin

robatwork said:

Another MSE made-up cringe post. Please stop trying to drum up fake engagement.

Morning (well, it was when I started writing) @robatwork,

Hope you're good.

Thanks for your engagement

Almost every week someone says that the particular Money Moral Dilemma for that week is fake, and unfortunately it's difficult for us to prove otherwise given that we'd never put the privacy of those kind enough to send them in at risk.

All I can say is that in my five-odd years of overseeing Money Moral Dilemma, we've never used one that wasn't a genuine submission by a user, someone who works at MSE or family/friends of someone who works at MSE.

And if you're able to take the time to go through past MMDs, you'll find there are several threads where the person who submitted the dilemma has chosen to reveal themselves and get involved in the discussion - please believe me when I say we definitely don't have the resources to spend time pretending to be other people on the forum!

Appreciate there will always be some scepticism around the dilemmas we use (though you should see some of the ones we can't use...), but please rest assured we don't gather in darkened corners hatching schemes to snatch clicks from innocent internet users

Cheers,

MSE Kelvin 🍺

CapeTown

Tiger_Tony said:

robatwork said:

Another MSE made-up cringe post. Please stop trying to drum up fake engagement.

Why is there a vocal minority on here who keep harping on about made-up posts? Why do you think they are made-up? I don't see any evidence for it. I suppose conspiracy theorists get everywhere nowadays!

And here I am putting my head above the parapet again. I admitted to posting a dilemma 4 years ago after someone queried the veracity of these posts. A very aggressive responder went through all my posts and basically told me I was lying.  This is because the original poster is kept anonymous to avoid such aggression.  Anyway mine was genuine.....

goldenmeadow55

I had similar problems but after many years have learnt to cope with it by saying at the outset that I would rather pay for my own meal. I usually just have the main meal and no alcohol so my meal is significantly less than others. I thinks others are selfish if they can't see this but I have never had a problem by stating this at the outset and they can think of me what they wish but no-one has said anything to my face.

ouraggie

i now do the same after too many years of keeping quiet and paying £35 for my £12 meal. I now say “ i always just pay for my own these days, so i don’t make anyone feel like they have forced me into paying for some of their meal.” People i eat out with regularly already know i wont be splitting the bill. Sometimes i do , if we have all had similar.

MarriedtoFinn

For many years as a school leaver, student and young adult in between "proper" jobs, I worked as a waitress, living in a seaside town.  It's very straight forward when the server comes to your table, to wait 'til they look to you for your order, to just say clearly, "I'd like to order and pay separately, please."  Or, "I'd like a separate bill, please."
Then EVERYONE knows from the outset that you will not be splitting with them, and it will be easy for the server to get your items on a separate bill as though you'd sat at a separate table.
No probs., just have the presence of mind in among all the hub-bub.

ripongrammargirl

This would be my situation if I was in a job like that, as I had a gastric bypass so don’t eat anything and certainly don’t drink alcohol. My idea of a meal is 3 chicken nuggets now! 

As always with these dilemmas, it’s obvious- if you don’t do as others do (ie eating and drinking loads) and you can’t afford it, SAY SO!!! If anyone has a go at you about it then that is their problem. If you don’t speak up now you will be stuck in this situation as long as you are there. 

So, to sum up, pay for what you have (where did this equal split bill nonsense come from anywhere?) and let others pay for themself!!!

Dingbat

Assuming this isn't a legitimate business expense and people do need to cover their own costs ....

The time to mention this is when you agree to eat together - "Dinner together would be lovely and in order to be fair to all concerned, let's just pick up the tab for what we eat and drink ourselves plus a share of a tip. I wouldn't want any of you to be subsidising my meal and I'm sure you wouldn't want that either - our working relationship is too important to fall out over any accidental unfairness. If the waiter can't split the bill, I'm happy to take the first turn at working out who pays what. Can you make sure [anyone missing] knows that too." Just make sure there's a notebook and the calculator on a phone to hand. 

Then just recap at the outset of the meal - "Just to confirm, as we agreed, we are each taking responsibility for our own meal and not just a straight split. I'll speak to the waiter about the best way to do this." If there's any push back, just repeat the reasons above. She can add, "Do you have a problem with that?" Usually the reason is the aggro of working out the split, but by offering the do the admin, you've dealt with the objection before it can be raised.

Your wife won't be the only one who thinks this unfair, so she'll score brownie points with those not brave enough to speak up. Plus, there is research that shows that people tend to eat and drink more carefully (and spend less overall) when they pay for themselves - a help to all when cash cis tight. 

Covering this well ahead of the time when the bill arrives means no surprises and takes the pressure off the feeling to be compelled to share.

Midland_Jim

If they're overnighting, they'll have an expense policy that allows £x.xx per evening meal, keep the receipt and claim.
If a couple of people want to go crazy and order way above the company limit then they should take care of that individually. 

The only exception to this I've seen is where a senior manager is taking a team out and covers the cost. Though I expect they have a budget authority and that probably goes through the expenses process as well. 

Agent57

If claiming, will you need a receipt for what you ordered?

Not sure an employer will pay a percentage of someone other people's bills.

Funny how on forums the majority seem to be in favour of each paying their own share but in restaurants the majority seem to go for splitting the bill.

Maybe we are guilty of being more vocal on forums than we are in real life.