Credit card debt

MEM62

bargainhunter121 said:

Problem is mem62, I'm not keen to start using my money to pay it off for him. 

OK.  I get your feelings on the subject.  However, the situation is that as a household / couple you can kill this in around 12 months.  If he does it on his own it will take a lot longer.  All the time this remains unresolved there will be resentment building on both sides - from you because he has outstanding debts and from him because he is going to feel like every penny he has is (pushed by you) going on debt repayment.  (He probably already harbors feelings of guilt and stupidity too)  

Your relationship might be better and you household happier for you both if you deal with the debt first and then look at how he can make that up to you (or financially compensate you) when it is all sorted.  Presumably, you face all of life's other challenges standing together as a couple so why not this one?              

bargainhunter121

I don't think he'll learn his lesson if I help to bail him out of this though. He might be tempted to do it again if I help bail him out this time, and next time I might have nothing left for me or the kids. That's why I'm reluctant to pay off any of his debts.

I only spend what I know I can afford, he's been living in excess of his means (somehow) and yet has been begrudging me buying a second hand pram for the kids (£50) and an air fryer to make dinners (£100) both of which I've paid for myself without debt, however if he hadn't been wasting all his money on himself he might have been able to contribute to a pram for the kids or whatever. Instead he made me question if I should really be buying it, all the while keeping his own debt situation secret. Its difficult to get past the selfishness and secrecy to give up my savings that I've worked very hard for. All I spend my money on is the kids and food etc. I don't have any beauty treatments, only get dry trims, hardly ever buy new clothes for myself and a lot of the stuff I have for the kids is second hand or free cycle. There's only so much I can sacrifice, I'm chronically ill,  working as much as I can and taking care of the kids most of the time myself as he works 12 hour shifts. Apart from him paying the childcare (which he gets help with) and the mortgage we never saw any of his money. When I was looking at his accounts I saw his dad was transferring him money too every now and again (£200) but I knew none of this and never saw any of it. 

MFWannabe

bargainhunter121 said:

[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]

Household Information[/b]

Number of adults in household........... 2

Number of children in household......... 2

Number of cars owned.................... 2[b]

Monthly Income Details[/b]

Monthly income after tax................ 2300

Partners monthly income after tax....... 1145

Benefits................................ 835.6

Other income............................ 0[b]

Total monthly income.................... 4280.6[/b][b]

Monthly Expense Details[/b]

Mortgage................................ 390

Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0

Rent.................................... 0

Management charge (leasehold property).. 0

Council tax............................. 130

Electricity............................. 45 - is this correct? Seems low 

Gas..................................... 49 - is this correct? Seems low 

Oil..................................... 0

Water rates............................. 0

Telephone (land line)................... 0 

Mobile phone............................ 10 - is this definitely correct? 

TV Licence.............................. 14

Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0

Internet Services....................... 35

Groceries etc. ......................... 200 is this correct? Seems low 

Clothing................................ 20

Petrol/diesel........................... 100

Road tax................................ 15

Car Insurance........................... 30 - this seems very low for two cars? 

Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 16 - very low for two cars? 

Car parking............................. 0

Other travel............................ 0

Childcare/nursery....................... 906

Other child related expenses............ 150. - what is this for?

Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 25

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0

Buildings insurance..................... 33

Contents insurance...................... 0

Life assurance ......................... 15 - who is this for? If for both of you this is very low 

Other insurance......................... 0

Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0 - You need to budget for these

Haircuts................................ 20 - seems low for four of you? 

Entertainment........................... 0 - You need to budget for this 

Holiday................................. 0 - You need to budget for this 

Emergency fund.......................... 0[b] - You need to budget for this 

Total monthly expenses.................. 2203[/b]

[b]

Assets[/b]

Cash.................................... 7500

House value (Gross)..................... 335000

Shares and bonds........................ 0

Car(s).................................. 12000

Other assets............................ 0[b]

Total Assets............................ 354500[/b]

[b]

Secured & HP Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Mortgage...................... 17099....(390)......1.8[b]

Total secured & HP debts...... 17099.....-.........-   [/b]

[b]Unsecured Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Halifax (mine) ................390.......5.........25.49

Marks (mine) ..................264.......6.........23.9

Capital one....................6990......220.......24

Barclay card...................7010......200.......21.19

Marks (his)....................2450......60........21.18[b]

Total unsecured debts..........17104.....491.......-  [/b]

[b]

Monthly Budget Summary[/b]

Total monthly income.................... 4,280.6

Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,203

Available for debt repayments........... 2,077.6

Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 491[b]

Amount left after debt repayments....... 1,586.6[/b]

[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]

Total assets (things you own)........... 354,500

Total HP & Secured debt................. -17,099

Total Unsecured debt.................... -17,104[b]

Net Assets.............................. 320,297[/b]

[i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.

Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]

I’ve made some comments in your soa above, you really need to budget for everything and make sure the amounts are accurate 
Did husband run up some of the debt on credit card during renovations to the house? How much was the car finance? 

I know you’re reluctant to spend ‘your money’ on bailing out husband but you are a family and you need to work together. July is not far away and he can really hammer down the debts until then. Move as much as you can to a 0% card, even if it is only for 6 months. Personally I would payoff the 3 smaller debts with some of the savings then transfer as much as you can on the higher interest and pay off as much as you can off the highest interest. 

bargainhunter121

Still waiting to hear about the 0% card. He's not eligible for any loans anyway. So unless I use all my savings and the kids savings to bring down the debt, we're stuffed I think. But I'f I use my savings we'll have nothing for food/bills. He didn't really consider us when he did any of this so why should I bankrupt myself and the kids for him? 

EssexHebridean

Don't throw your/the kids savings at this while there is surplus there that can be used to pay things off. Aside from anything else - you've nailed it when you say that if he is bailed out there is no incentive for "learning the lessons"

One thing that is a concern - why are you saying that using your savings (even though I agree that you shouldn't) impacts on your ability to buy food and pay bills? Those outgoings should be budgeted for from monthly income, rather than needing to be using savings, and particularly allowing that there is a decent monthly surplus showing in the household. (and that is the next question of course - the SOA shows £1500 a month surplus - is there actually that amount left over, and if so where is it going? That's a lot of money to risk loving track of in a year - and it also makes a bit difference to how easy dealing with the debt will be. I suspect there isn't that level of household surplus though - as there seems to be a fair amount missing from that SOA as MFWannabe has highlighted. 

On your own (small) debts - that is one place where I would suggest you use savings to simply get them cleared, It is crazy paying 25% interest even on a small amount when your savings aren't going to be earning a fraction of that. 

I also think you need to really get to the bottom of the debt with your husband - you're furious about it, that much is both obvious and entirely understandable - but that is a huge amount of money to have been spending on coffees and takeaway food - especially allowing that presumably you were under the impression that he was eating meals at home, and so you wouldn't have been expecting him to be eating that amount of takeaway?  I hate to say it - but are you absolutely sure that there couldn't be something like gambling going on here? He would be far from the first who has got into a hole that way, and then felt such shame around the addiction that they have claimed the cause of the debt was something else... It will need a gentle approach if there is even a suspicion that could be the case though - and he will need specialist help if that IS the problem. 

inthezeroroom

Like others, I get the whole ‘his debt, my savings’ thing, but as a couple you have £17k outstanding and £19.5k in cars and cash. You could be debt free by the weekend. At the very least, sell his car and throw that at the debt. Personally, I think further dabbling with interest-free cards isn’t going to get any lessons learnt. Why not take debt off the table, cut up all the cards and do some hard talking about how you handle money together from now on? Because now you’ve got £2k a month to work with and no debt or payments except the mortgage. What’s wrong with that?

Emmia

Reading massively between the lines, I wonder if there are other issues in the relationship?

But I'm with the OP to an extent I'd be very reluctant to give up my hard saved "running away fund" to pay off a profligate (but higher earning) spouse's debts, especially as bailing him out probably won't teach him a lesson /make him reassess his choices. The standard MSE advice on paying off a parent / sibling / friend debts for them is "don't do it"... I struggle to see the logic in some ways of why a spouse should be different.

There's also no guarantee that what will become household savings (once the debt is cleared) could return/replenish the OPs personal account.

bargainhunter121

So he's spoke to a financial advisor and they say the only way for him to be out of debt in a few years is if I agree to a secured loan/remortgage on the house. If I threw him out how do I buy him out of the house? Any advice? 

Emmia

bargainhunter121 said:

So he's spoke to a financial advisor and they say the only way for him to be out of debt in a few years is if I agree to a secured loan/remortgage on the house. If I threw him out how do I buy him out of the house? Any advice? 

Don't secure the debt on the house.

Whether you can buy him out depends on your ability to take on and pay the mortgage and give him a chunk of equity - are you thinking of divorcing?

If you are I would consider seeking legal advice.

RAS

Who the heck has he spoken to? That's the most appalling debt advice encountered here.

He needs to talk to Stepchange, National Debtline or CAB. There are a few specialist local debt advisors but the lot he's talked to isn't one.