Joint account and separation

Grumpelstiltskin

You are going to have to be brutal. You tell your adult child they either contribute or move out

I think they will realize if they do move out it is going to cost them more than you will charge them.

You are doing them no favours by not charging the, they will never find out how to budget and they will just end up in debt.

RAS

It doesn't look like you have had much understanding of your family finances previously. How did that happen?

There are relevant issues round divorce and financial settlement that are appropriate for this forum, but you really need to go to the Reduce Debt,
and Boost Income forum, Debt free wannabee section to start looking at your family budget and work out how to live on your expected income. It won't be pretty and you'll need to look at living a much different lifestyle. Do a Statement of Affairs (SOA) and people will help you reduce your spending.

I'd suggest you approach the young independent adult ASAP. Not with "get out if you don't contribute", but with "we have no money since dad left, I'm not allowed to claim any financial support for you so will need a contribution (it's going to have to be 25% of the household spends). Do you want to stay here or is your plan to move out?" 

If they leave, you need to claim the 25% reduced CT. You can't do that if they stay.

For immediate help, I'd also head over to the Old Style Money Saving section of the Hobbies and Leisure Forum. Start a new thread headed Store Cupboard Challenge, no current income, list the contents of the stores and fridge and freezer and ask for menu suggestions. There are people there able to live on little more than fresh air, so they can help stretch what you have as far as possible.

And call a family meeting. The heating has to go off and everyone has to wear layered clothes to keep warm, windows and doors are kept shut expect for airing, no raiding food for snacks. Only heat the house briefly of if we get a sub-zero spell. Ask for ideas on cutting back to survive. Think about pack up foods for those working, start talking about sharing chores when you start to work etc. Cooking and eating together will be cheaper. Can you load an oven with several days meals including roasted veggies, casseroles, pasta sauces, basic bakes like flapjack? 

If your area supports it, check out whether your local Sikh temple offers langar, free communal meals, and if so aim to visit once a week for a decent vegetarian meal. Shoes are taken off at the door and you will all be given a white cloth headcover.

Cryingemoji

RAS said:

It doesn't look like you have had much understanding of your family finances previously. How did that happen?

There are relevant issues round divorce and financial settlement that are appropriate for this forum, but you really need to go to the Reduce Debt,
and Boost Income forum, Debt free wannabee section to start looking at your family budget and work out how to live on your expected income. It won't be pretty and you'll need to look at living a much different lifestyle. Do a Statement of Affairs (SOA) and people will help you reduce your spending.

I'd suggest you approach the young independent adult ASAP. Not with "get out if you don't contribute", but with "we have no money since dad left, I'm not allowed to claim any financial support for you so will need a contribution (it's going to have to be 25% of the household spends). Do you want to stay here or is your plan to move out?" 

If they leave, you need to claim the 25% reduced CT. You can't do that if they stay.

For immediate help, I'd also head over to the Old Style Money Saving section of the Hobbies and Leisure Forum. Start a new thread headed Store Cupboard Challenge, no current income, list the contents of the stores and fridge and freezer and ask for menu suggestions. There are people there able to live on little more than fresh air, so they can help stretch what you have as far as possible.

And call a family meeting. The heating has to go off and everyone has to wear layered clothes to keep warm, windows and doors are kept shut expect for airing, no raiding food for snacks. Only heat the house briefly of if we get a sub-zero spell. Ask for ideas on cutting back to survive. Think about pack up foods for those working, start talking about sharing chores when you start to work etc. Cooking and eating together will be cheaper. Can you load an oven with several days meals including roasted veggies, casseroles, pasta sauces, basic bakes like flapjack? 

If your area supports it, check out whether your local Sikh temple offers langar, free communal meals, and if so aim to visit once a week for a decent vegetarian meal. Shoes are taken off at the door and you will all be given a white cloth headcover.

Thank you both for replying.

There's lots of useful information there which I'm really grateful for.

You're right when you say we haven't had a grip on things. We definitely haven't.  I've had a serious mental health condition for more than 20 years (anxiety and depression) which has severely impacted the family.

Spendless

Cryingemoji said:

RAS said:

It doesn't look like you have had much understanding of your family finances previously. How did that happen?

There are relevant issues round divorce and financial settlement that are appropriate for this forum, but you really need to go to the Reduce Debt,
and Boost Income forum, Debt free wannabee section to start looking at your family budget and work out how to live on your expected income. It won't be pretty and you'll need to look at living a much different lifestyle. Do a Statement of Affairs (SOA) and people will help you reduce your spending.

I'd suggest you approach the young independent adult ASAP. Not with "get out if you don't contribute", but with "we have no money since dad left, I'm not allowed to claim any financial support for you so will need a contribution (it's going to have to be 25% of the household spends). Do you want to stay here or is your plan to move out?" 

If they leave, you need to claim the 25% reduced CT. You can't do that if they stay.

For immediate help, I'd also head over to the Old Style Money Saving section of the Hobbies and Leisure Forum. Start a new thread headed Store Cupboard Challenge, no current income, list the contents of the stores and fridge and freezer and ask for menu suggestions. There are people there able to live on little more than fresh air, so they can help stretch what you have as far as possible.

And call a family meeting. The heating has to go off and everyone has to wear layered clothes to keep warm, windows and doors are kept shut expect for airing, no raiding food for snacks. Only heat the house briefly of if we get a sub-zero spell. Ask for ideas on cutting back to survive. Think about pack up foods for those working, start talking about sharing chores when you start to work etc. Cooking and eating together will be cheaper. Can you load an oven with several days meals including roasted veggies, casseroles, pasta sauces, basic bakes like flapjack? 

If your area supports it, check out whether your local Sikh temple offers langar, free communal meals, and if so aim to visit once a week for a decent vegetarian meal. Shoes are taken off at the door and you will all be given a white cloth headcover.

Thank you both for replying.

There's lots of useful information there which I'm really grateful for.

You're right when you say we haven't had a grip on things. We definitely haven't.  I've had a serious mental health condition for more than 20 years (anxiety and depression) which has severely impacted the family.

Are you in receipt of any financial support for this or would be eligible for anything? I don't know but there's people on here who can tell you how to find out. 

Cryingemoji

Spendless said:

Cryingemoji said:

RAS said:

It doesn't look like you have had much understanding of your family finances previously. How did that happen?

There are relevant issues round divorce and financial settlement that are appropriate for this forum, but you really need to go to the Reduce Debt,
and Boost Income forum, Debt free wannabee section to start looking at your family budget and work out how to live on your expected income. It won't be pretty and you'll need to look at living a much different lifestyle. Do a Statement of Affairs (SOA) and people will help you reduce your spending.

I'd suggest you approach the young independent adult ASAP. Not with "get out if you don't contribute", but with "we have no money since dad left, I'm not allowed to claim any financial support for you so will need a contribution (it's going to have to be 25% of the household spends). Do you want to stay here or is your plan to move out?" 

If they leave, you need to claim the 25% reduced CT. You can't do that if they stay.

For immediate help, I'd also head over to the Old Style Money Saving section of the Hobbies and Leisure Forum. Start a new thread headed Store Cupboard Challenge, no current income, list the contents of the stores and fridge and freezer and ask for menu suggestions. There are people there able to live on little more than fresh air, so they can help stretch what you have as far as possible.

And call a family meeting. The heating has to go off and everyone has to wear layered clothes to keep warm, windows and doors are kept shut expect for airing, no raiding food for snacks. Only heat the house briefly of if we get a sub-zero spell. Ask for ideas on cutting back to survive. Think about pack up foods for those working, start talking about sharing chores when you start to work etc. Cooking and eating together will be cheaper. Can you load an oven with several days meals including roasted veggies, casseroles, pasta sauces, basic bakes like flapjack? 

If your area supports it, check out whether your local Sikh temple offers langar, free communal meals, and if so aim to visit once a week for a decent vegetarian meal. Shoes are taken off at the door and you will all be given a white cloth headcover.

Thank you both for replying.

There's lots of useful information there which I'm really grateful for.

You're right when you say we haven't had a grip on things. We definitely haven't.  I've had a serious mental health condition for more than 20 years (anxiety and depression) which has severely impacted the family.

Are you in receipt of any financial support for this or would be eligible for anything? I don't know but there's people on here who can tell you how to find out. 

Unfortunately I'm not no.  Getting a pip has been mentioned before by the doctor, but I've heard it's very difficult to get.

RAS

A lot of people are rejected initially when they apply for PIP but accepted when they appeal. Getting help sorting the forms makes a huge difference. It's like applying for a job; you have to explain how you meet the criteria.

And too many people read "can you walk 250 metres unaided?" And reply yes because they can on a good day. When they only have one or two good days a month and the answer is no 95% of the time. 

VyEu

There's and elephant in the room here. You're married and finances need to be viewed in the round and not just issue by issue. Default is the matrimonial pot it 50/50 unless reasons to deviate (not clear from your post tbh). Go see a family solicitor to know your rights and what the whole process is, remember divorce proceedings are separate to financial proceedings. You don't need to go to court to resolve the latter, court is a last resort if you can't sort things out between yourselves. Don't forget pensions!