Dad died no will no one helping me it’s torturous

tenzin_2

My dad had a pathological fear of death. Wouldn’t leave a will or discuss it, any funeral or life insurance stuff that came up on tv he switched it off 
Two years ago I moved in with him while keeping our rented home he owns his. He died a few weeks ago aged 89 at his own with carers on end of life care. 

We registered his death. 

Booked his funeral which I paid with his own bank card. He had been housebound for a while I was the only one who shopped. All other bills were direct debits.
But here’s the thing
There is absolutely no paper trail. No electric bills or insurance papers or other things. I found two shareholder folders where it seemed he was squirriling money away and the deeds to the two homes he owned.
Im on benefits. There is absolutely no way I can pay out hundreds of pounds let alone thousands to a probate solicitor. And he knew that. He watched me scrambling for cash, yet he had tucked it away. And I’m furious and grief stricken at the same time. 

Today I managed to cancel some things in the home like the sky, two of the bank accounts I knew about but I suspect there are more. But I’m just not mentally up to it. I just want it to all go away now . My brother isn’t helping. His attitude is that I sit on my !!!!!! on benefits so I should get on with things. But I can’t. I’m on two antidepressants and have been for years and I can’t even fill out the benefit forms for myself . The whole thing feels like Everest. And online all there are are horror stories about Probate specialists abd years and years of waiting. The first bank that I cancelled his card with recommended a well known probate service and on Trustpilot they were the worst of the worst.
What can I do? I honestly feel like burning the place down, it’s torture there is no escape from it . And we haven’t even buried my dad yet and he has left this awful mess. 

Can anyone suggest something?

Medihv

I am so sorry for your loss. I really do wish I could be of help, but I know very little about Probate. I hope that someone comes along to help you soon.

RAS

Is there enough in any of the bank accounts to cover the funeral costs?

If so, please speak to the funeral directors as a matter or urgency and ask them to refund your card. They should just send the bill to one of his banks who will pay the funeral directors Bill. They do this all the time. My sibling was in the same situation, at night, alone calling the funeral directors, and had to make the same adjustment.  If you have to split the cost between the accounts, they should be able to handle that.

elsien

RAS said:

Is there enough in any of the bank accounts to cover the funeral costs?

If so, please speak to the funeral directors as a matter or urgency and ask them to refund your card. They should just send the bill to one of his banks who will pay the funeral directors Bill. They do this all the time. My sibling was in the same situation, at night, alone calling the funeral directors, and had to make the same adjustment.  If you have to split the cost between the accounts, they should be able to handle that.

The OP says that the funeral was paid with on the father’s card. 

Any solicitors costs should come from the estate, and if he has properties to sell, then there wouldn’t appear to be any difficulty in covering that in the long run. Can you speak to a solicitor about how that might work?

Spendless

Who inherits under intestacy rules? Is your Mum still living? If so were they still married (even if separated but not divorced) at the time of your Dad's death? Is there just you and your brother or do you have other siblings?   If you also say which part of the UK you live in that may help with the answers on here  from more knowledgeable people.

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

Flugelhorn

sounds like OP used his Dad's card to pay for the funeral - not really what you are supposed to do but actually the money has come out of the right place.

To the OP - there is honestly no hurry to deal with any of this, you have made a good start and there is plenty of time - get the funeral over and then sit down with a spreadsheet and the bits of paper. If you need t go to a solicitor then the cost will come out of the estate - if there are two properties and shares then it is likely to be a sizeable estate so may well be worth it 

RAS

Sorry missed that the funeral was paid with dad's card.

Are you still living in dad's house? What is the situation with the second house? Does anyone live in that?

Get the funeral over, then take a breath. And come back here for support.

Brie

If you have bank statements then you'll know who to cancel for various services and which to leave running.  Obviously you can't cancel gas and electric and water as those will be essential to keep the house ticking along.  But phone lines, tv, including license, any magazines or papers.  Council tax needs to be checked on, house insurance should be kept as well.  Was he getting an income from anywhere?  Pension companies need to be informed.  

Do 1 thing at a time and take it slowly.  Talk to citizens advice if you're having problems handling it all or a local debt advice agency (check with the food banks as sometimes they work together).  

There are companies that do house clearances and may provide more services than that, at a cost.  But it's the estate's cost not yours, including solicitors' fees.  

twopenny

Indeed, go to a solicitors reception and explain that your father has no will but there is property and funds. They should be able to have an informal interview and if they take the case on will deal with it and their fees come out of the estate.
If your brother doesn't like this then let him take it on. In your condition I wouldn't even split the job with him as it sounds like he would keep whining. I've seen it before.

Intestate isn't unusual but it does need a solicitor or someone familiar with the law of inheritance. 
It's by no means straightforward as people think. You may inherit something and you may not.


Once you've passed responsibility over you need sometime, not now, to find out how your benefits work should you inherit but leave that down the line. You've lots of time for that.

Marcon

tenzin_2 said:

My dad had a pathological fear of death. Wouldn’t leave a will or discuss it, any funeral or life insurance stuff that came up on tv he switched it off 
Two years ago I moved in with him while keeping our rented home he owns his. He died a few weeks ago aged 89 at his own with carers on end of life care. 

We registered his death. 

Booked his funeral which I paid with his own bank card. He had been housebound for a while I was the only one who shopped. All other bills were direct debits.
But here’s the thing
There is absolutely no paper trail. No electric bills or insurance papers or other things. I found two shareholder folders where it seemed he was squirriling money away and the deeds to the two homes he owned.
Im on benefits. There is absolutely no way I can pay out hundreds of pounds let alone thousands to a probate solicitor. And he knew that. He watched me scrambling for cash, yet he had tucked it away. And I’m furious and grief stricken at the same time. 

Today I managed to cancel some things in the home like the sky, two of the bank accounts I knew about but I suspect there are more. But I’m just not mentally up to it. I just want it to all go away now . My brother isn’t helping. His attitude is that I sit on my !!!!!! on benefits so I should get on with things. But I can’t. I’m on two antidepressants and have been for years and I can’t even fill out the benefit forms for myself . The whole thing feels like Everest. And online all there are are horror stories about Probate specialists abd years and years of waiting. The first bank that I cancelled his card with recommended a well known probate service and on Trustpilot they were the worst of the worst.
What can I do? I honestly feel like burning the place down, it’s torture there is no escape from it . And we haven’t even buried my dad yet and he has left this awful mess. 

Can anyone suggest something?

Yes. Do nothing until after the funeral. There is nothing so urgent it can't wait.

Talk to your brother after the funeral (NOT at it, when emotions will be especially raw), tell him how you feel and what you plan to do - or not do. You don't have to act alone, and if you can't face doing so, then don't. Starting and then making a hash of things, and making yourself feel worse in the process/wrecking the relationship with your brother isn't the answer.

Your brother needs to understand that you can't cope alone, and that he needs to give you some support. A little help goes a long way...

Alternatively you could make it clear you won't be doing anything. It's then up to him to get cracking -  but from the sound of it you could have a much more comfortable lifestyle once the estate has been settled and you have your inheritance (it will of course impact on means tested benefits).

 tenzin_2 said:

Two years ago I moved in with him while keeping our rented home he owns his. 

The 'our' suggests you have a partner. Could they help at all?

MarzipanCrumble

If I were you I would contact Age UK and tell them exactly what you have told us in your first post.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/

That link may help.  Unfortunately if your father had 2 properties owned by him I would definitely go to a solicitor.  Do you have any idea how much those 2 properties might sell for?  Tenants?

If no will then you apply for letters of administration.  From what you have told us I would go to a solicitor.

I would also write down steps i.e. 1.  Contact Death department of Bank A.  2.  Contact utility i.e. water deat department.  Do what you can even if only 1 step per day.