Gifts Inheritance & payment to beneficiaries

Sea_Shell

MarzipanCrumble said:

Very early on in the posts I think the OP said that part of the regular remit to the brother was out of surplus income.  If you can prove that when it comes to IHT liability, it won't count as a gift.

The downside is you have to prove it from going through the bank account statements, which may be a major, major hassle.

The first post states...

The money is mainly paid from income but together with the private care costs and other household expenses it is whittling away their savings.


So doesn't sound like excess income to me.

MarzipanCrumble

Umm probably correct, reading it again. 

Tuftywufty

BooJewels said:

I'm going to jump in with a suggestion, resulting from losing all of my family older than me (6 people) in the last 3 or 4 years - I mean it in the nicest possible way.   I would strongly suggest that you forget about being an executor - you're not one yet.  What you are right now is a daughter - concentrate on that role and do it the best that you can and try and create some quality memories with your parents whilst you still can.  Every single day I think of something that I don't know the answer to and can no longer ask them about. Ask them those questions now.

In respect of the inequality of support offered - I was in a similar position in that my sister lived local to our parents and I didn't.  Consequently, she did the heavy lifting on care and support duties.  When Dad rewrote his Will after Mum passed, he casually commented when planning it, that 'obviously it's just 50/50 between you both'.  I didn't think that it should be as she'd done so much more for them than me and that should perhaps be recognised.  He rang a few days later and said he'd changed it to 45/55 in her favour - on condition that she wasn't to know until the appropriate time and I was to be the one to explain and that it was my idea.  He'd been very relieved that the suggestion had come from me, as he'd already been wondering how to fairly address it.  When she found out, the only person who wasn't happy with the arrangement, was her.  I am totally at peace with it.

I hear what you say. We are all doing our best we can for our parents but there are many difficulties. Due to them both being at end of life we have had to accept their intransigence in being unwilling to sort their finances. I am trying to make sure I have all the information so that anything that can be done in advance has at least been tried.  I forsee a right old mess ahead which could be made so much easier with very little effort if done in advance. If I've at least tried and am unable to action anything now then so be it. 

Tuftywufty

Sea_Shell said:

BooJewels said:

I'm going to jump in with a suggestion, resulting from losing all of my family older than me (6 people) in the last 3 or 4 years - I mean it in the nicest possible way.   I would strongly suggest that you forget about being an executor - you're not one yet.  What you are right now is a daughter - concentrate on that role and do it the best that you can and try and create some quality memories with your parents whilst you still can.  Every single day I think of something that I don't know the answer to and can no longer ask them about. Ask them those questions now.

 

Personally, (not speaking for the OP) this is why it's sometimes hard for people to discuss issues about their "problem" parents.

You can feel you have no one to turn to, to talk about things, as it seems crass, when others have lost theirs. 

It's very isolating.

Thank you, yes I agree

Tuftywufty

MarzipanCrumble said:

Very early on in the posts I think the OP said that part of the regular remit to the brother was out of surplus income.  If you can prove that when it comes to IHT liability, it won't count as a gift.

The downside is you have to prove it from going through the bank account statements, which may be a major, major hassle.

Yes you are right. We won't know until we have the detail. We have a big task ahead I fear that is going to take some unpicking to make sure we do it all correctly 

Tuftywufty

Sea_Shell said:

MarzipanCrumble said:

Very early on in the posts I think the OP said that part of the regular remit to the brother was out of surplus income.  If you can prove that when it comes to IHT liability, it won't count as a gift.

The downside is you have to prove it from going through the bank account statements, which may be a major, major hassle.

The first post states...

The money is mainly paid from income but together with the private care costs and other household expenses it is whittling away their savings.


So doesn't sound like excess income to me.

We think some of it (maybe a couple of hundred pounds a month) will be from income but the savings is somehow being depleted so its likely that some money paid to brother is from this pot. We don't really know as none of us have access to statements. Brother has seen the balance & said savings are reducing.

badmemory

In some ways it may well be a good thing that you haven't got a POA as you can truthfully say you really don't know what has gone on before, whereas with a POA you would not be able to do that.

Tuftywufty

badmemory said:

In some ways it may well be a good thing that you haven't got a POA as you can truthfully say you really don't know what has gone on before, whereas with a POA you would not be able to do that.

Yes myself and my sister have thought this too. We almost got parents to agree for all 3 of us to become joint POA but then brother pulled out & said he didn't want to do it. We were then a bit wary of taking it on with just the 2 of us given the difficulties outlined above. We can be truthfully in the dark when we come to take on Executor duties.

theoretica

Tuftywufty said:

it's the only way of getting cash out without POA so it's understandable for brother to do it.

My parents' bank said they would be happy to record that my parents authorise me have my own card for their account and/or to look at their account without it being POA.  Just as credit cards will often let there be a second card for someone else.

Keep_pedalling

theoretica said:

Tuftywufty said:

it's the only way of getting cash out without POA so it's understandable for brother to do it.

My parents' bank said they would be happy to record that my parents authorise me have my own card for their account and/or to look at their account without it being POA.  Just as credit cards will often let there be a second card for someone else.

The down side of that is you can only do that while your parents have mental capacity.